slate . . . you should be ashamed.

lets ignore the fact that squirt guns have an obvious sexual element . . .

even without that, we're simply promoting violence, every bit as much as shoot em up videogames. only with water guns you're allowed to practice on live human targets. how sick is that?

i can't think of a more sinister way to inculcate america's youth into the gun culture than to popularize water guns as innocent harmless fun.

in fact, its practice for future street crime or war atrocities.

the excuse for squirting someone unexpectedly ("I just couldn't resist") no longer flies. I reserve the right to choose who, when, and where i will participate in squirting behavior with. its symbolic sexual assault if you don't obtain my consent first.

______________________________­________

(the above post is a satire, and does not represent the actual views of baltimore aureole, the city of baltimore, or major league baseball. but its also true. think about it)

See? Here you have the typical, liberal, left-wing, ultra-feminist trying to take away our Constitutional rights to bear arms and to pursue happiness!

Did Jesus mind a little dousing by water? He certainly did not! Not ONLY did John drench him, we lionize him for it! Granted he used a river instead of a Super Soaker, but you go to (water) war with the weapons you have, not the weapons you want!

Where you see the symbolic sexual assault on unwilling bystanders, I see red blooded American youths standing for freedom, honor, and the right to completely humiliate their buddies by targetting their crotch and making it look like they peed themselves!

If you're willing to take away our rights to soak freely, then you're giving the advantage away to the terrorists. I for one love America, and as such, you'll pry my Super Soaker from my cold, wet hands!

i also like "you can have my squirt gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands"

Didn't anyone ever tell you that you can't print sarcasm?

You just wanna excuse for always firing first!*pout*

Tag, you're it!

Dude... You're lame.

That's a terrible piece of satire. Satire is supposed to completely exaggerated, you dumb dumb dumb.

I enjoyed this article though (not yours, Slate's). I think supersoakers and other water guns are fun!

You're just as stupid as baltimore blah blah blah.

Why the heck did you relate "Americanism" to "Terrorism"? Honestly, it's because of hicks like you that we go to war. What next? Let's bomb China because they are economically surpassing the United States? I'm sure you're thinking yes, why the heck not? AHHHH. It's because of people like you that I wish I wasn't "American."

Excellent! I read it, I reread it, I thought surely this isn't serious, and then I decided it wasn't. Good job. I think one responder might have been right - are you just looking for the perfect excuse to fire first??

Jeez, what are you? The ad campaign manager for the National Organization for Woman and Handgun Control Inc? Lighten up Clintonista! Have you considered your nic contains the anatomic name for part of a woman's breast? Talk about sexist!

baltimore aureole, your reply was gay.

keep your stupid opinion to yourself

I'd love to hit you in the face with my big red dodge ball and then shoot you in the face with my.....squirt gun.

how ridiculous is it to have people in this world who cant let children play with harmless water guns. i live in az and it can get schorching triple digits. who cant admit to alittle fun to a water fight? well not me and millons of others who use them, what next complaining about water ballons? and also you might as well outlaw water bottlesand water spray bottles, for the same notation. they are play water guns and for kids to have fun, get over it!!!!!!!!

First, I am confused as to what "sexual element" water guns have. If you think it is sexual in nature, then you are the first person I have ever run across that has associated water guns and sex, so I would advise you to not look so hard to tie in sex with everything.

Second, gun violence does not stem from playing with water guns. One should know the difference between shooting a friend with a Supersoaker and shooting someone with a live handgun. My friends and I played war with fake guns when we were growing up and not one of us has ever shot another human being even though we all own firearms in our adult years. Gun violence comes from stupid people having access to such weapons not childhood fun with water guns.

The growing social problems in this country are stemming from paranoid, "let's keep our children in a protective bubble" people such as your self. It is because of individuals such as yourself, that we are losing a lot of our basic freedoms in this modern age. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but yours is dumb. Good luck with the concrete shelter for which to house your family from the sexual, evil world that you live in.

I hope Baltimore is not full of people such as yourself for their sake.

Politically incorrect! There 's a phrase that has been overused.....

Hmm ....Sexual element... gee can I have a drag...

As I read that remark from Baltimore I wondered to myself how many rebels had a squirt gun when they were a child in Somalia.

Lets rethink this again...It is just a squirt gun ....and nothing more.

Aureole, what you just wrote is one of the most insanely idiotic things that I have ever read. At no point in your ridiculous post did you utter something that could even be remotely considered a coherent thought. Everyone online that accidentally read it is now dumber for having done so. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.