A quick note about this phrase: Prudie says, "Additionally, when someone says they'll keep an ailing person in their thoughts, instead of their prayers, it should be a tip-off that they don't do prayers." However, I use it more or less for the opposite reason: I don't know if the person I'm speaking to or about prays, and I don't want to make them uncomfortable. If I know the person definitely prays, I'll say that (as I do actually pray myself), but far more often I just say that I will keep the person in my thoughts- it's a religiously neutral way to express sympathy and concern.

I have to say that as an agnostic bordering on atheist who works with very religious people in a part of the country where there seems to be a church every couple of feet, I say I'll keep someone in my thoughts to keep from having the "what do you mean you don't pray/don't believe/etc" debate with generally well-meaning people who happen to have a very different viewpoint on faith and religion than I do. It sounds to me like you do the same for the opposite reason. So perhaps it's more accurate to say that "I'll keep so-and-so in my thoughts" is code for "I suspect I have a completely different belief system than you but I am trying to respect yours while turning aside a debate that won't change either of our opinions--and I hope that so-and-so feels better soon".

lol, tkc! Certainly, "I'll keep you in my thoughts" is a lot shorter! But you're right- I don't want to debate the state of my or anyone else's theological leanings. I personally prefer to keep my own beliefs private, and I assume everyone else does as well. I definitely don't want to have a simple expression of well-wishing hijacked into a religious discussion!

I don't think the woman heard the "in your thoughts" part for what it was because she was under emotional duress. The kinda atheist did the right thing.

dwtintx

That's exactly what I was thinking when I read her response as well.

I'm a Christian and would only ask for prayer from someone who shares my beliefs. One of my best friends is an atheist and I would never ask her to pray for me. Pushing someone to pray when they don't believe in God is disrespectful because, just like we want our friends to be honest and sincere when they talk with us, God wants people to be sincere when they talk with him.

If asked to pray for someone, my friend is forthright. She'll says things like, "I don't pray, but I'll keep John in my thoughts" or "I don't pray, but please let me know where I can send a card."

andersox:

I'm a Christian and would only ask for prayer from someone who shares my beliefs.

I generally just don't ask. If my friends who pray regularly are aware of problems I or mine are having, they'll generally pray about it, anyway. If they aren't religious or aren't in the habit of praying (not all of us are), I'm just happy with their good thoughts. If I'm at church and there's a time for "prayer requests", I might ask then.

I agree that she did the right thing. In a situation like this it's not about her, it's about her friend. Her friend has a child who is going for in for what sounds like serious surgery and she is offering her friend the support that she needs. If it is her friend's faith that will get her through that difficult time then that is how you support her. Assuming the surgery goes well she could discuss her beliefs on the matter later on. But for now, her friend probably has more important things on her mind then discussing whether "prayers or thoughts" would be best for her potentially, very ill child.

I don't think it's harmful to tell someone that you'll keep them or their family in your prayers. The only people that can be offended are the athiests, but that is a tiny group of people. Most people do believe in something. But telling someone that you'll keep them in your prayers, when they're going through some difficult times, shouldn't be taken as offensive because it is just saying that you want their situation to improve. Who will get mad at that?

I concur DW, I used to do that as well, for the same exact reason, but I felt that it wasn't totally obnoxious of me to say that I would be praying for an individual, so I just simply say, I'll keep them in my prayers. I am not doing it to push my beliefs on anyone, but at the same time, I am not afraid to openly admit that this is my belief. Nevertheless, I agree with that objective viewpoint.

It is not necessary to add distress to a distressed person just because you think differently than her. Believe it or not, it's not about you...comfort her and move on.

I agree completely!!! Its NOT about YOU!!! By the way, how does telling someone that you will keep them in your "thoughts" confort them??? Keeping them in your thoughts doesn't help anyhting. Your just saying that you will "think" about them. Praying can actually help the situation for us BELIEVERS. Its saying your actually going to ask God to help and do something about the problem.

crossbones:

By the way, how does telling someone that you will keep them in your "thoughts" confort them??? Keeping them in your thoughts doesn't help anyhting.

Neither does prayer. But the idea that people are praying or thinking about people can comfort someone, even if there is no observable effect.

crossbones:

Praying can actually help the situation for us BELIEVERS. Its saying your actually going to ask God to help and do something about the problem.

There is no evidence that this is the case. Besides, it sounds like you're saying that God only helps believers if enough people whine at Her. Sounds pretty fishy to me.

The LW was correct, there was no reason for her to engage in a theological debate with an older woman who has a sick child. The woman was only looking for reassurance. But the idea that there is a capricious god who runs a popularity contest in order to decide who to help is completely bogus.

I am a Christian. I am very proud to be a Crhistian and I will NEVER let anybody pressure me into being silent about my belief in God and Jesus !! However, I am not the kind of Christian who will pressure anybody into believing. I will share my faith and my testimony with them of course, but when it is not welcome, so be it. But that night, or an other night, I will keep that particular person in my prayers, to find God and salvation. Of course, it is always hard to tell if the person you are talking to, is a Christian or not, but most of the time, a true Christian can be spotted a mile away. But again, Politics and Religion, a never-ending-debate right !!! So, recpect each others' wishes and yes, keep them in your thoughts if you will, but does keeping some one in your thoughts really help them ? Because on the ohter hand, when we pray for each other, we are (in my opinion) helping each other, because God is ALWAYS listening and has the perfect plan. We will or may not always understand Him or why things happen the way they do, but He is listening and praying will help one.

In His Name only,

KBear73

You are exactly right. It is about the other person going through a rough time not a time to give my beliefs.

I also do not believe in God but if a friend or just some one I know needs to hear that I am going to say a prayer or keep in my thoughts whatever that person needs emotionally at the time I will say. What difference does it make which one you use. Use the one that the person will respond best to and you have just made their day. Making their day is so much more important than discussing your beliefs they are the ones who need to be reassured. If people would have more empathy and sympathy to others it would be a better world. Too many are all about themselves and their ways, beliefs, and on and on. They need to get a life.