Thought some people might find this helpful. The way this is posting is kinda weird; scroll down with your cursor in the post. 302.81 Fetishism Diagnostic criteria for 302.81 Fetishism Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving the use of nonliving objects (e.g., female undergarments). The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The fetish objects are not limited to articles of female clothing used in 302.81 Fetishism Diagnostic criteria for 302.81 Fetishism Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving the use of nonliving objects (e.g., female undergarments). The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The fetish objects are not limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing (as in Transvestic Fetishism) or devices designed for the purpose of tactile genital stimulation (e.g., a vibrator). The paraphilic focus in Fetishism involves the use of nonliving objects (the "fetish"). Among the more common fetish objects are women's underpants, bras, stockings, shoes, boots, or other wearing apparel. The person with Fetishism frequently masturbates while holding, rubbing, or smelling the fetish object or may ask the sexual partner to wear the object during their sexual encounters. Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males. This Paraphilia is not diagnosed when the fetishes are limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing, as in Transvestic Fetishism, or when the object is genitally stimulating because it has been designed for that purpose (e.g., a vibrator). Usually the Paraphilia begins by adolescence, although the fetish may have been endowed with special significance earlier in childhood. Once established, Fetishism tends to be chronic.

Sorry about the no breaks in the paragraph above. That's not how it originally looked. Let's try this again...

302.81 Fetishism

Diagnostic criteria for 302.81 Fetishism

1. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving the use of nonliving objects (e.g., female undergarments).
2. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
3. The fetish objects are not limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing (as in Transvestic Fetishism) or devices designed for the purpose of tactile genital stimulation (e.g., a vibrator).

The paraphilic focus in Fetishism involves the use of nonliving objects (the "fetish"). Among the more common fetish objects are women's underpants, bras, stockings, shoes, boots, or other wearing apparel. The person with Fetishism frequently masturbates while holding, rubbing, or smelling the fetish object or may ask the sexual partner to wear the object during their sexual encounters. Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males. This Paraphilia is not diagnosed when the fetishes are limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing, as in Transvestic Fetishism, or when the object is genitally stimulating because it has been designed for that purpose (e.g., a vibrator). Usually the Paraphilia begins by adolescence, although the fetish may have been endowed with special significance earlier in childhood. Once established, Fetishism tends to be chronic.

Thank you.

I wonder if this guy really has a fetish.

smoke:

Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males.

I would think after 3 or 4 years the LW would find out that her boyfriend has been having problems in bed because of something missing. While the DSM does state that there "may be" (as opposed to "will be") erectile dysfunction without the fetish I would think after 3 or 4 years some problems have happened.

Not completely sure myself but these are the criteria for an "official" diagnosis. It would have to be enough of a problem to seek professional help and interfere with daily functioning. He doesn't seem to be to that point. Would need more info than the LW provides (of course!).

Kinda like "depressed" as in bummed out vs diagnosed major depression. The first person may very well be depressed in the general sense of the word but not to the point of being a psychiatric condition.

You gotta love criterion B. Suppose a guy tells his girlfriend he likes wearing diapers, and she freaks out, starts treating him very coldly, and then dumps him. He becomes distraught. That's clinically significant distress. The boy has a fetish! But if a guy tells his girlfriend he likes diapers (or whatever) and she's totally okay with it, then he doesn't have a fetish. So whether he has a diagnosable mental illness depends on whether she freaks out.

Yeah, some of these are interesting, but a person has to meet all of the criteria to be officially diagnosed.

Not in every diagnosis. Some problems only need 3 criteria from list b and all from list a or some such. And there is always the catch all. Can't remember what it is called, but it means that not all the criteria was met but the psychologist/psychiatis (sp) thinks they have it anyhow.

I'm pretty sure any half way decent therapist can determine if the guy is upset by his diaper wearing or if he is upset by his particular girlfriend at the time. It isn't so black and white as 'oh, you are upset? then you meet the criteria!'

That particular criteria is a common thread throughout most (all?) of the diagnoses in the DSM. It is just acknowledging that if something isn't actually causing a problem for you then there is no need to medicalize it and start treatment. Common sense in medicine, who would have thunk?

Yep. In one of the psych classes I had taken a student ask how does one determine if some behavior or such is an psychological problem? (This question came after a discussion of how something have been added or taken away from the DSM as our culture has grown and changed). The professor said that she has a rule of thumb: It's a problem if the behavior or such is a problem to (1) the individual or (2) people around the individual. Of course being resonable as well, someone smacking while they eat may be a problem to other people but it certainly doesn't qualify for therapy.

MistPanther:

I would think after 3 or 4 years the LW would find out that her boyfriend has been having problems in bed because of something missing. While the DSM does state that there "may be" (as opposed to "will be") erectile dysfunction without the fetish I would think after 3 or 4 years some problems have happened.

I'm thinking the guy's been able to get along for 3-4 years because the LW is such a square from squaresville that once a week missionary with the lights off thankyou has been plenty for her. Practically anyone (mitigating disclaimer for Susan) can fake that okay. So I've heard. ;)

I mean, what's the big deal? He just wants to wear the diapers, not eat them.

mermaid33:

I mean, what's the big deal? He just wants to wear the diapers, not eat them.

I agree. Not certain how I would handle it if it was my husband, but I certainly wouldn't be "no, no, no... It's not real, if I don't know nothin' about it."

Well, if my husband (of 15 years yesterday, thanks!) suddenly came to me with this I would think a) now you tell me and b) given his age, perhaps he really needs them.

But I know what you mean.

My only problem with this situation is in how long he waited to tell her. We've had discussions around here about how long one should wait to divulge personal information to an SO. Some people say everything, right up front practically the first date. Me, personally, I say if it's not something you want to share with anyone for whatever reason, and it cannot affect you or your SO's future, you need never disclose it. Some people think it's okay to wait until you are engaged to divulge things like a past abortion, child molestation. In my opinion, this is something that's not "in his past", it's right now, and there should have been a "so what do you like in bed" convo long before the 4 year mark. The fact that there appears not to have been (or he withheld) is a problem.

I can't believe someone is so dense that they couldn't read her reactions in other situations and gauge how she'd react to this. Then again, maybe that's part of the thrill for him, how horrified she is. Don't you just know the room is electric whenever they're watching tv and a Depends commercial comes on? I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that.

It could be that he did read her and thats why he didn't divulge until the last minute. Though I wonder if he chose someone like her because he has other complexes like commitment phobia or something. Perhaps he has chosen a woman he is as 'normal' as he could find because he is embaressed or bothered by his own abnormality.

I guess I am not accepting enough for that kind of strange mental behavior. How couldn't she have known by now? Maybe he didn't do this all the time or around her? I would be so turned off by someone like that! I've always went for the type that were strong leaders of the family. I would kick this guys butt and tell him to grow up and I don't feel a bit sorry for his pansy butt. he's discusting and repulsive!!!! He's the type that needs boot camp and character building..Something is lurking in his past and he needs A LOT of help!!!

I guess for me its just diapers. Thats it. Simple. No deep connected issues. Perhaps they just feel good. Perhaps it is to him like a blanky is to others, or a stuffed animal. As I stated in another post. This man has not suddenly uped and changed, this man has probably been doing this for a long, long time. If the woman found him to be nice, caring, wonderful man before he told her, then why does that all change because he told a fact, not that he started something.