I rarely disagree with your advice, but in the case of The Dance, I find myself unable to keep quiet! This "tradition" has the effect of completely disparaging the relationship, which sounds both strong (including sharing children) and recognized by common law. That the husband is not willing to defend this relationship and pretend it has no higher value than as an object of ridicule is insulting and insensitive to those in it. I'll assume the partner's acquiescence is just a momentary lapse that can be corrected when the insult is fully perceived. If not, then I'd question how much he values this relationship and what it augurs for the future. For the family pressing for this ridiculous and outdated tradition not to be set straight on the strength and value of the relationship is no service to them, and if left to stand will certainly damage the formation of strong bonds between the newly joined families. If they aren't willing or able to recognize the quality of this relationship for some reason, I would send regrets for the wedding for the two of you. A marriage is a time to celebrate relationships, and to disparage yours is incongruous and inappropriate and if done consciously is so offensive that seems unlikely that you'd want any further relationship with these reactionaries.

I agree that in a time when so many family relationships are not legally established, it's probably time to let this disrespectful and archaic tradition go the way of the dinosaurs.

I disagree that this advice was "uncharacteristically" bad. I think it was rather typical. I keep reading Prudie's column, hoping she's just a fill-in till the find the right person. Hope is fading.

I don't know where I've read it but I've seen this exact letter before in someone elses column. It's shocking enough to be remembered years later. Emily must have had a slow week.

Sometimes you shouldn't worry about what something augurs, and, you know, just have a laugh. The question could easily be reframed as, is the author so insecure in her relationship that she can't take some ribbing about it?

Frankly, after about a dozen glasses of bubbly, I would literally laugh out loud if someone told me he was "common law married." ha! I mean, it's funny, dude. That's funny. The dance is funny. The fact that this person is so dour is the funniest though.

Exactly, yggy. What if this chick lined up to catch the bouquet with her preggy belly? I'm amazed at how much anger there is out there waiting to be aimed at something they obviously know nothing about......

can totally embarrass each other. I have a friend here who always brings up my oral sex technique, which I for some reason explained to her one night (I barely remember the conversation). ha! She goes into it in details even I forgot. It's embarrassing but it's funny.

Another quick anecdote, my best friend had a car that was "dessert rose." I used to tell him, "It's pink, bro! You're driving a pink car!" I used to tell him things like, "hey can you get your butt plug off the front seat before I get in." ha!

Some people have no capacity for self-parady.

its yggy:

Another quick anecdote, my best friend had a car that was "dessert rose." I used to tell him, "It's pink, bro! You're driving a pink car!" I used to tell him things like, "hey can you get your butt plug off the front seat before I get in." ha!

Some people have no capacity for self-parady.

That reminds me of a psych teacher I had in college. One day he came in wearing a pink polo shirt (and this was after he came in wearing a beret - in SoCal) and someone said "Hey nice pink shirt" and he said, all offended "It's srimp." Not "shrimp" mind you, but "srimp" which made it even more hilarious to all.

If this is the Franco-Canadian tradition, I explained it on another thread. Thanks though to the Prudie posters who feel free to set another culture they are totally ignorant about straight. I'm amazed that so many are dying to rally round an imaginary letter writer and offer the completely unproductive fuel for the fire. Misery loves company, indeed.

I also explained the Franco-Canadian tradition elsewhere (I might have called it québécois). I don't think they "get" it. It's nice to know that people will tell them how wrong their culture is.

It reminds me of an African proverb: if they call you a monkey, let your tail hang low.

There are ways to make this dance. There are ways to make it offensive too!

For example, I might write up a sign and hang it over my head that reads: Single by Choice. If I was feeling ornery, it might read: Single by Choice, Suckers.

One thing I'm fairly sure of is my dance would involve sexual advances on the bridal party. Isn't it pretty much an established tradition that the wedding parties bang each other? Thought I read that in a magazine.

its yggy:

Isn't it pretty much an established tradition that the wedding parties bang each other? Thought I read that in a magazine.

I've certainly met groomsmen who thought that! Like the best man at my sister's first wedding who tried to take my hand (as opposed to offering his arm) for the walk up the aisle, and then tried to follow my way too drunk cousin (another bridesmaid) up to her hotel room. Something about the bridemaid dress just makes guys think you're fair game. The waiter at my cousin's wedding last weekend was hitting on all the bridesmaids, including the obviously pregnant, wedding-band wearing one (me)! He offered the 18-year-old junior bridesmaid himself as one of the dinner choices. . .

the female brain, isn't it?

My friend/sister thinks that guy is doable, so his friend/brother must be at least kinda doable!

Oh...if we keep talking, I'm going to be in real trouble..........My beloved and I did it at our own wedding in the dressing room and ever since it's been a bit of a tradition of ours to sneak off at weddings and renew our vows.......LOL.

So we can mock, humiliate and abuse others publicly, as long as it is a "cultural tradition" to do so? Please! I'd be quietly finding out what other sorts of kind and loving traditions this family of knuckle draggers indulge in before I joined their ranks.

Again, do you know whereoff you speak at all? You don't. You're just spewing. This tradition is as "humiliating" as lining up to catch the bouquet, or throwing rice.

The real question is why the guy still thinks he's single when he's partner thinks she is not?