Isn't it interesting that OLDER women that have relationships wth much younger men are viewed, by women, as 'cougar's', sexy women exploring their sexuality. Older men that have relationships with younger women are viewed, by women, as 'predator's', sicko's, or worse. Do us a favor? Get off your hypocritical, double standard, sexist bandwagons. Nobody died and left you boss, or crowned women experts or the last word in human relationships. The gender gap involves more than science, it also includes blatant disregard for common sense and fair play.

No, older, more experienced women preying upon young innocent boys are every bit as bad.

I'd be just as concerned about a much older woman trying to "initiate" my son as I would a much older man trying to "initiate" my daughter.

And every teacher (male of female) who sexually uses a minor student should be locked up and the key thrown away. I don't care who may be pregnant out of the deal. Or what gender either party is.

but there's nothing in the article about this particular older individual being a teacher. Eighteen-year olds are adults and have a right to hook up with anyone they choose. The letter writer is not specific about what her sister's emotional vulnerabilities are, but I would suggest one possibility is that she has been infantilized by her overprotective family.

IncogNeato:

No, older, more experienced women preying upon young innocent boys are every bit as bad.

I'd be just as concerned about a much older woman trying to "initiate" my son as I would a much older man trying to "initiate" my daughter.

And every teacher (male of female) who sexually uses a minor student should be locked up and the key thrown away. I don't care who may be pregnant out of the deal. Or what gender either party is.

But the letter had nothing at all to do with an underage or minor child.

A couple points there Incognito.

First of all it is never said that this man is her teacher. It is quite common for people of all ages to take college courses. She could have met a middle aged man or a 21 year old sex crazed frat boy too. And student/teacher relationships are not the same as doctor/patient or lawyer/client.....they happen a lot and it isnt illegal-admittedly some schools have made it a code violation, but many have not.

And the other point is that 18 is an adult. She is old enough to discuss relationships and old enough to write a letter about it. Quite simply she is "old enough" to make her own decisions. What would your cut off age be? How do you make sure all dating is withing YOUR definition of OK?

Actually, the hypocritical, sexist double standard has typically favored the men. Older men have always been given a pat on the back for being "lucky." Actually, many older (or mature) men would never even consider dating a woman their own age. It's only recently that the "cougar" image has come into being. And even them, it's somewhat derogatory. Older women have always been labeled the somewhat-pathetic "Mrs. Robinson" when they became involved with younger men. That said, 18 and 80 is quite far apart for a romantic relationship. I'd try to meet the sister's friend and see what the facts are. But in the meantime, get your sexist stereotypes right. Men have been pursuing and marrying younger women for centuries. And praised for it.

Sorry-I meant 60-year-old.

I work with a good number of younger women. I have to say, on the whole, if the average man approaching 40 could see and hear their wrinkle nosed "Eeews!" when such a character puts on the firtation, he would put a bullet in his own head. I hope this debate is not giving too many 60 year olds the hope that they should start wearing their pants droppy on purpose and posing on the hoods of their minivans to snag an undergrad.

Having said that, May/December romances seem common enough and happy enough to be part of the social fabric. I can't get to the second part of the letter. The older sister's charaterization of the younger is what I can't get past. She's smart, talented and in college. Alot of the forementioned do not date in high school ( or college) and are late bloomers sexually and socially. But bloom they do on their own time. They may also prefer not to run home and report every kiss or flirtation at the dinner table or to their nosey letter writing sister. We don't even know what this relationship is?

Let me give that the younger sister might be socially inept. Well, she also did not get knocked up at 14 and many teenage geeks have successfully grown up to be supreme court justices and captains of industry. If the LW cares, she only needs to be her sister's friend and it's very difficult to reach a hand out to her if the commital papers are in them.

Older women dating younger men is absolutely disgusting, especially since women age different than men.

Men, in all societies, there's never being a stigma with them being older, because it's ok for a man to be older than the woman, not too old, but just older.

Also, as men mature they look better than when they are young.

For women, it's a different story.

Also women, due to their mother instincts, tend to treat their younger dates as little children and not as an equal partner.

Men usually tend to treat women the same.

Also, what kind of emotionally mature man wants to hook up with an older woman?

Usually there are issues underlying his choice.

Actually, clarinda, I think romances and relationships are individual matters and their success ( which doesn't equal marriage by the way) depends on what the individual contribute and share. Very difficult for an outsider to assess.

Your broad stroke opinions here which are based on inexplicable generlizations really don't help to clarify any issues here? Is this about your dating experiences?

It's taught at colleges in psychology classes.

do you ever listen to drLura?

Clarinda your posts are getting redundant, and borderline annoying.

People (men and women) date significantly younger people to gain the upper hand. Its about control.

Younger men find older women appealing, because they are more mature than younger women.

My older sister got leukemia when she was a child, and the intense treatment and chemo damaged her to the point where she is socially underdeveloped; To be blunt, her brain works on the level of someone who never went through puberty. What 60 year old mature man wants to date a woman whose mind works at such a socially immature level? When kind of conversations could they have? What kind of love could they make? How could they discuss anything with any sort of closeness or commonality? it would be like dating a 12 year old. If you have never known anyone that has a condition like this, where their brain literally can not age or mature, then you cant know what it is like to interact with a 20 year old who acts like a 12 year old. I would feel obligated to check this out, simply because I love my sister. I have interacted with her all my life, and know how her mind works. My sister did go to college on her own and she did fall for an older man. Lucky for *my* family, he was man enough to know that it would never work. Because he had a whole life of experiences and desires that a 12 year old could never match or meet. No mater how old she was in years.

So you've learned in your psychology classes that a mutual relationship between an older woman and a younger man is "absolutely disgusting"? ...and that, objectively, all men look better as they age but women don't? and in ALL socities men can be with younger women? and there has NEVER been a stigma?

I'm waiting for the punchline..

Clearly clarinda your mentors in the field of psychology have been eclectic.

RemyRose, I hear what you are saying. By your own accounts, this situation resolved itself. There is no guarantee in life that even the socially gifted will experience positive outcomes from all their relationships? And if someone does have some perceived social deficit, is that a permanent condition or is it possible that the kind of experiences we are discussing are on the path to growing up?