Methinks the LW is upset about something other than the old clothes. They've traded clothes in the past but suddenly it's a big deal that roomie wants first dibs? The bigger question is why wouldn't she have asked the roomie first if she wanted anything?

And it surely took her longer to write the letter to Prudie than the entire donation process should have taken--including the time it would take the roomie to pick out a few items.

Glad there is nothing more important for someone moving overseas than worrying about how her unwanted clothing gets distributed.

The whole thing does seem rather strange, doesn't it? Especially since they've done it in the past with clothes, what's the big deal now?

What cracks me up is that she's still young enough to think that this kind of trivial thing is is a major, huge deal when it's really nothing compared to a lot of other much more "adult" problems and issues she'll be faced with in the coming years. Although, sometimes I wish I were that young and naive again.

Yeah, I too think she's being petty. She's giving the clothes away. Who cares who ends up wearing them. The roomie may take so many clothes off her hands, the load she carries to good will might be lighter.

And how many clothes can the girl have, anyway? She's worried about mom and dad having all these extra boxes to move. I have visions of her dad thanking her for getting rid of the box of sweaters as he tries to get a sleeper sofa down three flights of stairs!

I think it's about her not deeming the roommate "needy" or "worthy" enough for her charity. She wants to give her old clothes to people who need them and who deserve her charity! I think she's being ridiculous and has either gotten an inflated sense of how much good she's doing or has a chip on her shoulder about her roommate having too much. My sister got this attitude for a while - decided certain people in our family were too privileged and would go out of her way to not help them out.

Maybe when they "traded" in the past, the roomie saw it as a mutual loan, or a loan with collateral. Now she wants her own stuff back.

Tilia:

I think it's about her not deeming the roommate "needy" or "worthy" enough for her charity.

I think you're right, and this strikes me as ridiculous too - especially since the roommate is just graduating from college and may have a legitimate need herself? Personally I was totally broke when I graduated and relied upon hand-me-downs from my working aunts to build a professional (if not exactly trendy) wardrobe without going into even more debt. I'm curious about what the LW has to donate as well. Most shelters I've been involved with don't really need the kinds of things a college student is likely to be giving away. I'm amused by the value she's giving to stuff that she's discarding.

A lot of the college and just-part-college kids I know still go to "the bins" - the piles of rejects out behind Goodwill, to get their clothes. I doubt Goodwill would necessarily want those back after they've been worn another year or two!

The LW is really showing some hostility toward the roommate here, nothing to do with clothes. (Really, substitute any item of value owned by any friend or relative, who declares their stuff is going to the thrift store/being sold on eBay/is being thrown into the trash. Rather than letting other friends or relatives divvy it up. Hostile!) Hey, Lady Bountiful, compromise and tell the roomie she gets to choose half a dozen things (that will probably be bumped up to a dozen) and the other stuff is promised to "someone else".

Has no one else noticed that the roommate's actual demand/request has been diluted by the term "wants to peruse?" did she demand the chance to pick out what she wanted or did she say, "Hey, I'd like to look through your stuff before you give it all away?" I think Almost is suddeny being overly sensitive to someone from whom she's TAKEN clothes in the past. If any of my friends said they'd like to look at "xxx" before I put it on freecycle or Craig's or eBay, I'd have no objections at all, and be flattered that they considered my stuff worth having at all.

I'm going to put a small caveat on the idea that friends should get a chance to look at something before it is given away or sold.

Sometimes I sell items of lesser value to help save up for an item of greater value - my two small stereos will be sold to help pay for my new apartment wide stereo system for example. So yeah, it is great if you can afford to give things to friends instead of selling them. Friends should certainly get first dibs before you give an item away. But if you need the cash and the friend is unwilling to pay for an item (or you are just too uncomfortable charging friends market value), sometimes it is ok to just discreetly sell it.

The only reason I can see for it to bother her so much is she was planning to take original retain value or close to it off as a tax deduction. Most people buying at a thrift store don't care the brand name, as long as their kid can wer it to school and not get laughed at too loudly.