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My Dying Aficionado
by ElleBlue
+1 Reply

Dear Prudence,

I am a cancer survivor and am so grateful to be alive today, that I am giving back to the community, by counseling those who battle cancer. When I learned my colleague is terminally ill, I being the good Samaritan that I am, began to council her. Everyone’s idea of therapy is different, so I thought nothing of it when she asked me out for drinks. Her marriage is lousy and her husband has become even more emotionally unavailable after she’d had her double mastectomy. Well, even dying women have needs and since she was not having her needs met at home, she turned to me. She confessed that she’d always thought I was hot (which I am), but did nothing about it, due to her marriage. But now that her husband is acting like a lout, all bets are off. She wants to sleep with me, just once, before she passes into eternity.

I had no problem with fulfilling her fantasy, but now things have gotten complicated. I was out to dinner with my fiancé, when my phone signaled I had a text message. My colleague sent me a message that said, "I will be dreaming of you tonight.". My fiancé is furious and doesn’t want me to talk to her again. Now, I have to tell my sweet little colleague that I cannot grant her last request. I only wish to give back to my community, but don’t think my fiancé will ever understand my colleague’s simple request. After all, I am every woman’s wet dream. Is it so wrong to fulfill someone’s fantasy before they go to the sweet bye and bye?

-Sexy Survivor

Dear Sex Crazed Twit,

Sure, you may be hot and you want to “give back to your community”, but in doing so, you are taking away from the person, who should be number one in your life, you fiancé! Tell this entitled wench, that no, even though she is about to leave this world, she still should play by the world’s rules, should she have to answer to a higher authority. She has to right to wreak havoc on people who remain, including you. The way you can help her with her last request, would be to give her the phone number of an escort service.

-Pru

Re: My Dying Aficionado
by Tarquin Machismo
I think i would have to sleep with her once, just so she knew what heaven was going to be like.
Re: My Dying Aficionado
by kidsgrown

Or Hell, as the case may be.....

(Sorry Tarqui, couldn't resist!)

Re: My Dying Aficionado
by JudgeJanie

ROFL! I think you nailed it perfectly.

Re: My Dying Aficionado
by JudgeJanie
That would be true in the case of an old boyfriend, who really WAS hell when it came to bedroom manners. So bad that, even if I were dying and not married or involved, I wouldn't even consider a little farewell sheet-dancing. Never did find out what happened to him, hope he's not making some other woman't life hell now! Or maybe he's changed. One can always hope.
Re: My Dying Aficionado
by ArchaeologyChick
Good god, JudgeJanie, did you date my ex too?

Meanwhile, ElleBlue, I am laughing my ass off. Especially if Mer is right and this woman is not actually dying at all. What will happen if this woman makes a miraculous recovery and declares that it's all do to his amazing cancer-proof sperm deposits and now she's knocked up and it's all his! Oh, I can see a soap opera forming! Look! Look at it go!

So beautiful.
Re: My Dying Aficionado
by quietwife
The real question, is who is getting her clothes?
Re: My Dying Aficionado
by bzl

quietwife:
The real question, is who is getting her clothes?

It damn well better be the women's shelter and NO ONE ELSE!!!!

Re: My Dying Aficionado
by ElleBlue

Tarquin Machismo:
I think i would have to sleep with her once, just so she knew what heaven was going to be like.

You're so right, Tarq. She does deserve to get a glimpse of things to come, doesn't she. I think I will grace her the opportunity to parlay with a real alpha male. Her wimpy husband is a sad excuse for a man!

kidsgrown:

Or Hell, as the case may be.....

(Sorry Tarqui, couldn't resist!)

LOL! Priceless, even though the joke is on me.

Re: My Dying Aficionado
by ElleBlue
bzl:

quietwife:
The real question, is who is getting her clothes?

It damn well better be the women's shelter and NO ONE ELSE!!!!

You ladies made me laugh out loud here. And good God! I'm at work in a cubicle. Oh well my coworkers already think I'm nuts!

Re: My Dying Aficionado
by ElleBlue

ArchaeologyChick:
Good god, JudgeJanie, did you date my ex too? Meanwhile, ElleBlue, I am laughing my ass off. Especially if Mer is right and this woman is not actually dying at all. What will happen if this woman makes a miraculous recovery and declares that it's all do to his amazing cancer-proof sperm deposits and now she's knocked up and it's all his! Oh, I can see a soap opera forming! Look! Look at it go! So beautiful.

Judge Janie,

I feel your pain. My ex was the bedroom borg. No feelings whatsoever. I was assimilated into his world. Yikes!

Archaeology Chick,

I saw Mer's thread and I was thinking the same thing.What if the bitch lives another twenty years and becomes preggers? It would serve the guy right (if he did or does sleep with her, that is....)

My ears are burning!
by mermaid33

My grampy had colon cancer for 30 years. I shit you not! And yeah, it e...v...e...n...t...u...a...l.­..l...y killed him. But he got a lot done before then! ;)

Re: My ears are burning!
by ElleBlue

Yeah, I agree that some people live a long time with cancer. My mom and dad both beat it. My mom actually beat it twice! So I don't take it too seriously when people cry "I'm terminal!" A lot of times it is just a get out of jail free card on life.

Not to say, I don't have compassion. I love my parents dearly and I'm glad they survived, but when people pull out the cancer card, (which I think that was your line, so I want to give you credit. If it wasn't you who coined the "cancer card" phrase, kindly accept the credit anyway) it really irks me.

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