No, No, No!!! Am I the only that cannot believe Prudence told the fiancee to apologize for reading her future husband's text messages?!? I completely disagree. The "patient" is the one that needs to apologize. Cancer must be a most horrendous thing (I cannot imagine dealing with it) but it's not a green light to ruin other people's lives and relationships. The "patient" needs to understand that although the man is being compassionate due to his own experiences, he is out the game! NOT AVAILABLE. OFF LIMITS!

The kind counselor needs respect his future wife and her wishes and stop dealing with this woman of do it in a more communal setting where the fiancee can rest assured that nothing is bound to happen.

Completely agreed! I mentioned this idea elsewhere. I can't believe how quick people are to jump on the "SNOOPER!" accusation and ignore the FAR more serious issue of a fiance who may be physically/emotionally cheating, and the "sick" woman who instigates it all.

But oh yeah, snooping is the REAL moral crime. Uh huh.

Either the LW trusts her fiance or she doesn't. What kind of marriage are they going to have if she thinks he needs a chaperone?

So SHE'S the one who ultimately looks bad, even if he is the one who is dallying in other gardens secretly? Okay, let's say she DOES trust him...okay, and if he's cheating where does that leave her, or their relationship? Is it healthy now, by default, because she never found out? Maybe she's picking up on untrustworthy vibes, even before the vile act of snooping.

implicitly-- cancer back story or not-- then why flippin' marry him?

its yggy:

implicitly-- cancer back story or not-- then why flippin' marry him?

And if he's accepting intimate messages from another woman--cancer back story or not--when why flippin' marry HER?

bzl:

So SHE'S the one who ultimately looks bad, even if he is the one who is dallying in other gardens secretly? Okay, let's say she DOES trust him...okay, and if he's cheating where does that leave her, or their relationship? Is it healthy now, by default, because she never found out? Maybe she's picking up on untrustworthy vibes, even before the vile act of snooping.

You got that right, BZL. Everyone's up in arms about the snooping and missing the REAL issue which is possibility of him cheating. The very fact that he's encouraging this "dying" wench to send him lovey dovey text messages, would be enough to send the LW a negative vibe.

Look, you could be right that this cancer is a tactic. Seems like more than a few women agree with you too. I don't know what's going on there! Anyway, the letter writer is admittedly jealous, which is bad in and of itself-- there's no good reason to ever be jealous. So either she's wrong to doubt Mr. Wonderful, or Mr. Wonderful ain't so wonderful!

I don't have the answers, bzl. But I feel confident saying that if she's jealous" of this situation, it's only going to get a lot worse for her. I guess my view is trust should be implicit with the people we're close to. You only need to "trust" someone when something is uncertain. She's uncertain of her wonderful man. I don't know what her next move should be, really.

Off topic, how are your legs today? Soft and supple, I wager.

its yggy:

Off topic, how are your legs today? Soft and supple, I wager.

Well, they were this morning, but it's 4PM by now, and you know what that means...:(

is him! not the cancer patient, not the girlfriend, he is responsible for this entire mess.

She never mentioned why she found the text. She could be snooping because she felt he was spending an inordinate amount of time with the woman. Or because he started acting weird about a text. Say, their out at dinner. Things are going nice and then his phone rings/beeps/or does something to indicate he has a message. He glances and sees what it says and gets a look on his face. LW asks, out of simple curiosity, who was it? What did they say? He acts evasive. When he leaves for the restroom or something she checks to see what it says.

It could be that she is a jealous person, or she could be picking up some vibes. I wonder if the cancer patient has been calling and talking to LW husband a bit much for her comfort.

Did none of you notice that this woman has TERMINAL cancer? She is dying! Do you think she wants a romp in the sack before she kicks the bucket? Do you think the guy get's his rocks off with terminally ill women? This is a very unlikely scenario for cheating.

Oh, and dumb blonde? Blaming him for the whole thing with no information whatsoever that he encouraged or even accepted any kind of romantic feelings is pretty far out there.

So if she does trust him, she's supposed to be totally ok with other women hitting on him?

My husband is completely trustworthy in my assessment. He is also completely straight. A good friend of his from HS is bi. First time I met him, he was hitting on both of us. It was all in jest in a way - he certainly meant no disrespect, he's just a total flirt. But I didn;t know him well enough to know that and it still bothered me! Did I think my (at the time) boyfriend was going to go hook up with this guy? No. But that didn't mean I was ok with this guy touching his ass. He understood my discomfort and we have only spent time with this friend when he has a date with him. (He's much better behaved when he's not single.) Having someone hit on your partner and make advances is uncomfortable no matter how much you trust them!

We don't know if the guy encouraged, discouraged, or completely ignored terminal chick's advances. We also don't know exactly how/why she found the texts. My husband expects me to check and see who called/texted him if I hear his phone beeping.

The vital info here is missing - that would be the guy's reaction and attitude towards it all. The girl overracted and behaved like an insecure bitch by forbidding contact. But it's his reaction that will really determine whether or not they can work this out.

Well, TJ, there is no evidence of him trying to discourage her either. he is the only one to control this situation.

a dying cancer patient who had a lapse in judgement, in the midst of her pain and misery, must apologize to the letter writer to assuage HER pain?

sweet . . .

can i move to your planet?