Dear Closet,
Great gene pool you sprang from there, tiger. Sounds to me like your folks fall more into the Liberal side of the spectrum as opposed to simply being Democrats. Most of the Democrats I know seem to display more couth and tact. The Liberals, well that is a different ballgame. That being said, you can take Prudie's Liberal-minded advice and take a Liberal-minded approach- open a dialogue with them and try to gain a moral equivancy (please read that aloud with a flitty lisp) with them or you can REALLY stand up for yourself. Personally I'd start the next political conversation with them-IF I WAS ACTUALLY FORCED TO TALK POLITICS WITH THEM- like this:
"If the Democratic Party is so great, how is that one of their biggest power brokers is currently trying to deny a black man Federal employment? Yes, how is it that in a Nation of religious freedom, Equal Opportunity and political correctness (which, ironically enough flourished to the point of idiocy under the Clinton (D) administration) the current Presidential campaign is currently focused on race and religion instead of issues- those issues that Democrats supposedly hold so dear? If the local Social Security office, or BlockBuster Video for that matter, asked me about my religion or about my race, I'd have the lawsuit from hell whether I got hired or not?"
or
"How is that the Democratic controlled Congress currently seated is on track to be the worst rated and possibly least effective Congress ever? Oh dear, that pesky President and his threat to veto everything. It's called leadership- LEAD!"
If inquiries like these only prompt further name calling, point out to the rest of the Olbermann clan that they are being childish with their name calling and it is highly embarassing to you when they do it in front of your boyfriend. Whip out your voter registration card stick it to the fridge with the "Bush is a Nazi" magnet so prominently displayed upon it and leave them to their own little, sad world. If you don't have the gumption to ask your family questions along those lines-or some question that might require one or two gray matter neurons firing- or find some other way to stifle their political bigotry, then you'll either have to fold like origami and hear this crap for the rest of your life, demand that politics never be discussed-not likely- or estrange yourself from your family- my personal favorite, albeit highly controversial.
The brighter side is that the vitriol will fade by 50% after the election and another 50% after Bush gets out of office.
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Dear Jealous,
Prudie says that knowing your going to die soon makes you do and say crazy things- if that is the case, I wonder which fatal disease is ravaging her being. Regardless, your "He's perfect... except letter" is mildy more intriguing than the typical slather of the same vein that Prudie publishes. Personally, I think your boy likes it that this chick is digging him as the Grim Reaper looms over her shoulder. The good news is... the affair won't last too long! Great detective work with the cell phone, how original. Why don't you call Cheaters and see if they'd be interested in further spying on him and possibly fliming a confrontation with the terminally ill vixen- I am sure they'd jump at the chance, although they'll save that episode for Sweeps Week. If I was him I'd dump your ass for being jealous, incompassionate and controlling.
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Dear Rights,
Go ahead and follow Prudie's malfeasant advice. If I were the confrontee, I'd pull out the ol' employee/intern handbook and say, "What part of "discussing wages and benefits with fellow epmloyees is forbidden" did you not understand?" Then I'd go Donald Trump on your ass AND probably his ass too. That's right! Don't get me wrong, I agree that IF, as you say, IF all factors are equal, you ought to get equal pay. Something tells me this isn't actually the case. You left out critical information with which one could really formulate an opinion on this matter. Were you both hired at the EXACT time? You did state that everything except your DNA is identical pertaining to your qulifications but that still begs questions about when the two of you actually started the intern program together which could very well explain a measly dollar's difference in pay. Your championing equal rights sounds very idealistic... Too bad you want to jeopardize not only your internship but his too by bringing this up.
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Dear Alum,
Let me get this right, your friend of four years loves your fashion choices so much that she compliments you by asking for items you're disgarding and she is a moral leper because you want to give the stuff to a charity. Ever thought that she might need some of those items to maybe go to a job interview or get her feet planted firmly as a new graduat. Maybe she can't afford to go on a shopping spree, much less dash off to another country right off the bat. I'm sure you've hearding her bitching at some point about the rising cost of tuition and those pesky college loans. OK, enough preaching (well, not really). Charity begins at home- and at this point the girl still lives in your home. Tell her she can pick a few items out, but in the spirit of charity, she needs to swap those items with stuff she probably needs to get rid of anyway as she cleans out her college quarters. A proverbial item for and item. Will that appease your self-righteous morality?
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