She could probably use the break. What's so bad about grandma, that you think leaving your kids with her is akin to "dumping"? Even the LW, in all her judgmental glory, didn't say she resented the kids. She was clear she loved spending time with them.

Best of all, leave your kids with me. I love kids, especially toddlers, and I wish I had some grandkids to cuddle and care for right now. My oldest son passed away last year. I'd give anything to have his kids dumped on me for a few hours, if he'd lived to have them.

dumbgirl:

I guess I won't feel guilty, weird, or nervous anymore about putting a 12 month old in the nursery for an hour (3 x per week) while I exercise at the YMCA.

Yes, you are hereby absolved of all guilt, weirdness, and nervousness about your YMCA nursery usage. You're welcome.

Where the hell did you get the idea to feel guilty, weird, or nervous in the first place?

It sucks, but it's too soon to start diminishing your life over what's gone. Your surviving son may yet give you grandbabies to hold and spoil, and you will be young enough to enjoy them. Hold on to that thought.

I'm running out of time on all counts and having to just accept it. Grand-dogs aren't enough. The next-door kids are adopted grandkids but they are in their teens and won't be around much longer.

I can't fathom feeling guilty about leaving your kid in the Y nursery a few hours a week. I don't get this expectation of mothers, where one is suddenly assumed to have no needs or desires other than tending to one's children. If you act like you have no needs, people will assume you have none, which becomes a martyr/resentment nightmare.

Of course we all make sacrifices as parents, but giving up your entire sense of self shouldn't be one of them.

If anyone has a problem with you leaving your infant with someone else for an hour, tell them to contact me. I'll set them straight.

It would be different if you left him/her alone for an hour (or even half that) but you said that you are leaving him at a nursery. Presumably said nursery has at least one person qualified to care for an infant (not that most parents have half of the qualifications needed).

the sarcasm and rebuke I see implied in your post. If this is simply a case of mom and friend going out and relaxing, letting off a bit of stress, why is mom being so careful to do this in a different town a day's drive away and doing so with a single friend? And sticking grandma to babysit, after misleading grandma about the intentions of the visit.

Makes you wonder what mom is really doing. And why is she so excited about how wonderful it was she is planning to come back next month to do it again? Has a rendezvous been planned? Why couldn't she do whatever she is doing in her own hometown? Afraid word will get back to hubby regarding what she is doing?

Having read the posts from women talking about how much fun it is to go out without husbands/significant others to flirt, dance and drink with stange men, I don't see how this is much different from men going out to strip clubs, getting lap dances, etc. To me in each case I see behavior that is disrespectful of marriages/relationships and can lead to destructive behavior.

As for me not keeping up with evolving social mores, maybe, just maybe, not all evolving social mores should be kept up with.

jburd1:

Why couldn't she do whatever she is doing in her own hometown?

There are a multitude of reasons why this might be so. Her mom might live in the big city where going out is much more fun. Her mom may still be living in the LW's childhood stomping grounds so it might be fun to hit the old hang-outs. Mom doesn't live in her hometown. Finding someone who is willing to babysit for two nights AND will be there to take care of the kids the next morning if you want to sleep in (and are hungover) is pretty difficult. She might feel less guilty going out and having fun if she feels her children are getting quality grandparent time.

I'm certain there are other reasons that I haven't thought of. It's possible that she's attempting a hook-up, but without knowing more, I think that is a stretch.

jburd1:

Having read the posts from women talking about how much fun it is to go out without husbands/significant others to flirt, dance and drink with stange men, I don't see how this is much different from men going out to strip clubs, getting lap dances, etc. To me in each case I see behavior that is disrespectful of marriages/relationships and can lead to destructive behavior.

It's disrespectful IF you and your spouse have decided that such behavior is off-limits. I don't mind if my husband goes to strip clubs once in a while. Now if he wanted to do so every weekend, that would be a problem. I'd say the only real difference between a guy going to a strip club and a woman going to a bar to flirt is cost. But how much a person in a relationship can spend on fun is a seperate budgety concern.