Could I be obssessed? My husband and I have been together for over 6 years. We are now and have been separated for over a year now. Neither one of us has filed any orders. He has started dating now and has been dating this gal for three months. He is convinced that he is in love with her and that their love will last for the long run unlike ours. He has brought his girl friend around our 3 year old, at his house when he barbequed out and had his girlfriend come over. We had a meeting at the attorney general and after tears (only me) we decided that we could after all work through things together. He suggested we eat lunch together to go over the days and times he was to come get our daughter. When we arrived at the restaurant he told me then that he had introduced this woman to our child. I asked why he hadn't told me at the meeting and he said he knew I would blow up. Since we have not even started to file for a divorce I feel 100% that his bringing this woman around my child is unfair to our child and am afraid of the wrong message it may send to his older child from his first marriage. I can just see that the same steps we took when we started dating are taking its course again. I try to talk to him to try to get him to realize that it is not at all beneficial to our daughter that she get to know this person until things get straightened out. I feel that the only reason he wants this is to make it easier on himself. I asked him what he would do if our child wasn't ok with this new person and he said he hadn't even thought of that and that it was irrelevant because they played that one time. If I hadnt mentioned before I was his second marriage and he also had a child from his first marriage. When I came into the picture his then daughther was three years old and wished every birthday for her mommy and daddy to get back together and for some reason I was the only person she told this to. I just see evrything play out as it did back then and fear for my daughters well being. I do care about him intensly, and have tried to accept this new relationship he is in. Could it be I am just too obssessive still and it has nothing to do with my daughter?

But you can't control his actions. So stop worrying about what he's doing and worry about your kid and how she's dealing with everything. Try and be understanding and forthcoming with her. Try and keep any ambivalence or animosity you may feel toward your ex and the new girlfriend out of your dealings with your daughter. In other words, take the high road. It's the only thing worth doing.

The fact that he hadn't even considered how your daughter would react? Especially when he's been through this with one kid before.. Well, it doesn't speak highly for his sensitivity or intelligence. Now, granted, there are studies that say that in general men think differently than women so maybe this is one of those hard wired things, but I don't see why you'd want to have more contact with him than need be. Be civil for the sake of the kids, don't bad mouth, and work on making yourself and your child as happy under the circumstances as possible.

What is it with him and having his three years old daughters mothers out of the picture, sounds like he likes things topsy turvy, seems he likes a little chaos. his obseesion with getting 'alone' time with the little girls is a liitle SUSPECT to me.

I don't like what I am hearing, hopefully I am over suspicious and he is nothing worse than a lying cheating bastard.

Your child is 3. She doesn't know the difference between divorced and merely separated. It won't affect her more because you are still legally married.

Her half-sibling will point out that this is just Dad's latest girlfriend/wife. Unfortunately, that kids is probably already jaded.

When the divorce is final, you'll have no control over his actions. Begin to explain now to your daughter that Mommy and Daddy won't be living together anymore, but that you both still love her. You may have to explain she'll see Daddy about as often as her half-sibling does. You'll need to consider whether the kids should have the same weekends, or different ones. They'll never really know each other if they have different weekends, and he'll be more likely to stand up one or the other up with no weekends off from fatherhood.

I know its just hurts still I guess especially since he didn't even come around her for her birthday. I mean this is his child and for the longest time he said he wasn't ready to be a father,, after child #2, so it still worries me. His mother takes care of his older daughter on his days and he barely sees her at all. After thousands of dollar to trips to the pscholgist I am wanting to avoid having to go there for my daughter.