I do not want to sound rotten but out law, your hubby should be deciding what he wants to do for those 2 weeks he is home..I say this because my son has been over 3 times and we have went thru this, he wants to spend time with family and friends equally because he misses them all. He wife yes my daughter in law wants him all to herself so they end up fighting. That isn't fair to him, I take what time I get along with his brothers and sisters and we plan at least one big family get together on the day he choses. I understand your desire to have him to yourself but my son states he doesn't want to get to comfortable or to close during such a short stay. So adjustment when he leaves is easier for him and us. Understand this is the way we figured out it works for us but please do not cut out his parents and family they need the comfort of seeing touching and feeling him again too.

I think you are personalizing 'outlaw's' situation as your own.

He wants to do important work that they need to do and his father is insensitive, is this your family??

This is definitley personalized.

Hey let me give you a Soldier's perspective. You married a Soldier, and his family wants to see him. Let them do so. His dad annoys you, for this instance I'd say get over it. Why? Well to be quite blunt. Your husband isn't home for good till February 2009. Let's say you do cut his family's visit short, your husband goes back to Iraq or Afghanistan and then the worse happens. How would you feel? How would his family feel? How would they feel toward you?

Look, let his family come and visit. Don't worry about who annoys who. By you putting up with his family while he is home for leave, he'll love and respect you more in February. Don't think for a minute he doesn't think about you daily while he's gone, because I'm telling you there's not a day that goes by in Iraq or Afghanistan when a Soldier doesn't think about his wife, kids, and family. Family being the key word, because that entails ALL of you.

There are two kinds of military wives. There are those that are strong and those that are bitter. You have to decide which kind you are or want to be. Being strong is hard, but in the long run it pays off. Being petty over things like who visits him during leave only causes conflict that builds with every deployment. Your husband needs you, and this is one time you should be supportive instead of combative. It may be hard, but take the advice of a senior Soldier you have never met. Take the advice of a Soldier who has had lots of Soldiers work for him. Take the advice of a Soldier who has seen plenty of other Soldiers experience (good or bad) what you and your husband may. Trust me!

I wish I had the strong army wife some of my friends have. Yes, things get a little rough for them at times, but I see how they work through the deployments and field problems. They love each other all the more though, because they work through the military driven problem. What good comes from problems that arise from something neither your husband or you started? Your husband comes home for 18 days, but starting in February for at least a year, your face will be the last thing he kisses and sees before he closes his eyes for the night.

I know you miss him and I KNOW he misses you. Think about how it will sound when you tell him in February how much you wanted him all to yourself while he was home on leave, but wanted him to be able to see his family also. He'll love you even more. Trust me I know. As a matter of fact, I'm telling you because I want you and your husband to have one of those marriages that last forever, like some of my friends.

Don't let the military be a source of conflict. Your husband serves for whatever reason he chose too, be it honor, helping others, college education, better life for you and him, or all of the above. If you love him, be supportive. Help out with his FRG and make friends with the good wives. Get involved you will meet women in the same shoes as yours, and the resilience you and them share will help you all get stronger and get through.

Congrats on your new marriage. Marriage is just as easy as it is hard. It depends on what you make of it. Compromise is essential, but the fact that you wrote to Prudence shows the kind of person you are.

W01 Butler, a combat arms Soldier

PS, don't ask about what the war is like. Tell him if he needs to talk you are there for him. He'll open up over time, just don't push. He may act different, but its only because he's trying to figure out how to make sense of things and figure out how to let you in to what he's feeling. Once again trust the Soldier you haven't met, but is taking time to tell you the things I wish someone had told my wife.