Ah yes, here we are again! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and it's only sixty freakin' degrees outside! What the heck is going on here? Here I sit, wearing jeans and a sweater in the middle of May wondering where in blazes the global warming went.
The cats are sitting in their respective favorite chairs, soaking up the sun while the furnace is running. Our gas bill for last year at this time was $57.00. I'm betting that we'll be over $100.00 this year.
The subject this week was mothers...interesting. I see reams of justifications for the behavior of snotty teenagers and controlling mamas and very little common sense on the boards. None of these problems would even exist if people exercised basic good manners! Maybe I should just stop here after shouting:
"Fercryinoutloud, where are your manners? Be polite and all of these issues will be as nothing!"
Nah. No one gets off that easily here, do they? Should they? (Note: Those two questions are rhetorical. I neither expect nor want responses to them. I'm hunting for excuses to send people to the Rock this week, so try me!)
1. Gee Ma, you called a grown woman in her late 30s (Let's just say 38, for the sake of convenience.) a slut! Claiming that that's what your mother would have said is an excuse and you know it. Good for you. Bet that made you feel all superior and special as you sit alone trying to justify saying such rotten things to a person you're supposed to care about!
Then again, no 38-year-old adult has to tolerate that kind of junior high bullshit name-calling, do they? Better you...
SHADDAP!
...and pay attention to to what you sounded like! I'm not making excuses for your daughter's manners. Not warning you ahead of time about her plans was rude, no question. She owes you an apology for that and that alone!
She should have let you know that she wasn't coming to sit around the kitchen table with you and take instruction on how to live a life that, from the sounds of it, she's been living happily for about the last 20 years or so without any input from you. No adult owes a parent an explanation for anything they do. Period. No parent has the right to sit in judgment and get nasty over something that was none of their business.
This is not something she's done before. I know this, because in your hunt for something to bitch about you would have ranted for pages about it if she had. So far, this is a one-time thing. Interesting how you feel that a single incident entitles you to dismiss her entire life.
In fact, she didn't do anything like this when she was a teenager, did she? I'm sure you would have gone on ad nauseum about that, too. I suspect that you felt slighted because she brought a friend instead of her husband - who had to work and very likely told her to go and have fun, by the way - and you were jealous.
That's right, jealous. You raised a child that knows her worth, that knows her husband loves and trusts her enough not to worry about her when she's out with a friend because she's a grownup, and you wish that you'd been able to get your bored behind out of the house once in a while, too.
See, you listened to your mother's guilt-inducing crap didn't you? You obeyed your Victorian mommy and married the first guy that asked, then spent the rest of your life bitter because you didn't have the guts to stand up for yourself. You're so bitter, in fact, that you feel the need to punish an almost 40-year-old woman for your own failings. After all, you never had any fun, so she shouldn't be able to do that, either, right?
Instead of sitting and thinking for a second about what you were going to say, you phoned your own daughter's home and called her all the names that have been running through your head since your mother called you a slut at the age of six for kissing little Billy behind the monkey bars. You didn't stop to think for one second how you sounded, you didn't give her a chance to apologise, you just let loose.
After that little display, how can you be surprised that your daughter wants nothing to do with you? Why would she want her children to be around an adult that is capable of saying such ugly and unconsidered things to her own daughter? I bet if you asked her, she would tell you that she's finally had enough of the judgmental bullshit that you've been spouting all her life (and denying to yourself).
If you want to salvage any kind of relationship with your daughter, you need to send her a letter - on paper and written with a pen - apologising for your hasty words. Then, you wait to see if she responds. Don't be surprised if it takes awhile. In the meantime you can sit on your arse in the house you haven't left since you gave birth and ponder the reasons that your own mother (long dead, by the sounds of it) still has control of your life.
2. Ah, the social engagements of Mother's Day. One wonders just how many mothers sincerely enjoy the brunches that hotels and restaurants contrive to make money on a holiday created by a greeting card company to play on the guilt of adult children. I suspect it's a just way to make salads and omelets of dodgy shrimp that's been sitting for too long and charge a small fortune for it.
However, on to the question....You feel guilty about your mother-in-law's choice to stay at home while you entertain your mother and grandmother. Hmmmm.
SHADDAP!
...about the angst this is causing you for a minute and consider this.
Your mother-in-law is an adult and in full posession of her faculties. For literally years she has been making excuses to stay home on Mother's Day. What does this sound like to you? Even her own children just send her flowers and a nice card instead of driving all over Hell's half acre trying to take her anywhere but a bingo hall!
See, you don't have a problem here. She does. I suspect that bingo is her main choice of entertainment because it's one of the few places where they haven't banned smoking yet. If that's the case, then don't worry. They'll ban smoking there, too in the near future.
You don't know what her problem is. It's possible she's kind of antisocial. Maybe she doesn't like being around a lot of people. It could be that she just can't picture going anywhere where there are no ashtrays. Maybe she just likes to spend the day revelling in the fact that after raising multiple children, she has the place to herself. It doesn't matter, does it?
Let her stay home. You've done your duty. If your husband wants to go to her place, he can pop by on Saturday with the flowers and card that seem to be all she wants.
As for your wish to spend Mother's Day on enjoying yourself with no pressure, why not do that? I'm sure your relatives will understand if you tell them that you need the time for yourself and your family, especially if you offer to cook dinner for them another night.
3. So let me get this straight. You and your family were poor, but aren't any more. Sounds like you and your husband got things together nicely. Good. Now you're jealous of the dog?
SHADDAP!
You're kidding, right? Are you an adult or a kid? Since when do you need permission to go and get a haircut? Yeesh!
Make an appointment. Get your hair cut. Go home. If your husband is like The Boy, it'll take him a week or so to even register that you've "done something" and then it'll take more time to figure out what it is. This is a good thing, by the way, it means that he sees you for who you really are and not just superficially.
On the other hand, if you really want to fight and cause mayhem, then by all means spend a couple of months whining about the dog. That should about guarantee that you'll have drama enough in your life to continue to be miserable.
Who knows? If you keep it up long enough, maybe you'll end up divorcing!
4. Oh, dear me! Your mother talks to you. Stick a fork in me Martha, I'm done! I've never heard of such a thing! Good Lord, maybe one day she'll even let you drive!
SHADDAP!
As I've said several times this week, you don't get to tell your mother how to behave, especially when she's nice enough to drive you wherever you need to go. By the way, have you ever thanked her for the ride? You know, by saying something like, "Thanks for the ride, Mom."
See, she doesn't have to chauffeur you and your friends around. Really. She could tell you to take the bus, for example, or bum a ride from another kid's parents. But no, she wants to keep you safe, and part of that is by doing the driving and knowing where you are when you go out.
Have you stopped to consider for even a second that she might have things she'd like to do that are more fun than carpooling a bunch of kids around? No? Really. I guess I can see that. It's not like she's a real person or anything, right?
Try apologising to her for being rude, and try a little gratitude for the things she does for you...like driving you around....doing your laundry....taking care of you when you're sick....feeding you....feeding your friends...taking care of the pets...putting up with you while you're a teenager and being as obnoxious as all the other teenagers in the world are wont to be....
