I don't have kids. I work full time when I can get the hours. I would classify myself as the working poor.

I have a co-worker who is the mother of two kids, ages 5 and 7. She works a regular schedule that gives her weekends off and she never has to be to work before 7am.

I on the other hand, have to be clocked in by two a.m. because work needs to be done before we open. I am responsible for the heavy lifting. That's what I call it, the dirty grunt work.

So the other day boss man walks by and says, "Hey pbev, how are you?" I tell him I am tired. He replies, "All of us are tired". I say that is not true. I would like to come in later or at least sleep in until four, like when I was first hired. "Why can't Yolanda come in earlier and help out with the heavy lifting?"

"Well. She has child issues."

Tell me, seriously, why does she get the cushy hours & I get the shitty hours just because I don't have kids? Often on the perticularly hard days she'll convieniently get a phone call and have to leave, because one of her kids is sick. Screw me.

Dear EJ,

When women start behaving like serious workers and stop using their kids as an excuse to get out of doing hard work or to wring special privileges from their companies, maybe they'll be taken given a fair shake economically.

I love Yolanda but she has no work pride, she's lazy, unreliable and I am the one being punished for it.

My mom worked hard to support six of us. She made $2.50 an hour to begin with and went to night school to make a better life for us. Motherhood can be a great motivator or it can be a curse - depends on the woman.

Thanks for the informative article. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Happy Mother's Day.

Pbev

Unless you are the hardest working person on earth there is always someone working harder than you. So why do you get to slack off when others are doing more? What's your excuse?

The last day of work I missed was in 1992.

Since I was hired I have not called in sick or been late once. I do all my work, help others, take on extra tasks and often skip breaks. I don't need any excuses because I don't slack off. I am proud of the excellent work I do.

This isn't personal. This is professional. Perhaps that distinction is lost on you.

pbev,

Sounds like you work hard and pick up a lot of slack at your job, but don't get rewarded for it.

You should probably stand up for yourself. We teach people how to treat us.

That's enough to make anyone PO'd.And it sounds like the Individual woman you work with is a jerk, but that really doesn't mean all women are.

BUT

I worked in the office of a major airplane manufacturer, and had a child that, at the time, was 4 years old.

The child obviously had to go into daycare, I mean you can't just tether them in the yard while you're at work..it's illegal.

It cost me $756.00 a month for daycare, that was about 2 weeks work.Plus extra gas money to ferry the child to and from the daycare before and after work.

And daycares don't let you leave your kid there when it's sick. They don't want to infect all the children. Common sense, not that it really works since people are usually contagious before they show symptoms, but those are the rules.

I finally quit when my kid came down with chicken pox and I had to take several days off, and my boss told me to get my priorities straight...so I did.

It's no cakewalk from the other side either.

"I finally quit when my kid came down with chicken pox and I had to take several days off, and my boss told me to get my priorities straight...so I did.

It's no cakewalk from the other side either."

You're right, it's not a cakewalk. But having kids is a choice. Most of us can't choose wether to work or not. If we want to eat, we need to work. Why should I work harder and longer than those sitting next to me who chose to have kids? They automatically assume that "you don't have a life". I have no problem picking up the slack once in awhile (especially when a coworker's child has been sick), but as pbev is talking about, when it gets to be the norm it gets to be a pain in the ass.

Precious few businesses in this country are family friendly. It's a shame and it makes life much rougher on those with kids and those without.

You have a valid point about co-workers automatically thinking that if the work doesn''t get done by them, someone will usually get it done for them.

Where I work it is an even mix of women and men. In my dept it is three women. Only one, Yolanda, gets the cushy hours because of her kids. In other depts the same thing happens, the employees who are women with kids get the preferred hours and weekends off. BUT, the employees picking up the slack are the women without kids! Not the men. THAT is what pisses me off. WTF?

I have noticed that when I see a co-worker struggling with a task, man or woman, I pitch in to help them. I am all about "many hands make light work". But when I do help, some will get flustered or stop working as if to let me do it, those are the men. The women I help say thanks. Duh.

American companies are not family friendly and it seems to me that is why there are inequalities in the value of the employees work. Men get the breaks and women have to take them, even at the expense of other women.

Thevail,

How long do you think I'd last at my job if I ignored when they scheduled me and just started coming in whenever I feel like it? You think that'll teach 'em?

I work 0200 to 1100 Tu thru Sa. I would prefer 0500 to 1400 with weekends off. Sure I could teach these people how to treat me but when it is time to pay my bills and I don't have a job or money, my landlord will treat me to an eviction notice.

I don't think for one sec I don't bitch. I do. I'd rather find a solution than bitch about it. But as long as the management allows slacking, at the expense of others, it's like getting two atheists together to plan a mass.

I have a son, he is grown. I know all about the crisis of daycare and the huge expenses. I know all about chicken pox, illness, fever and getting my priorities straight.

One time when my kid was sick, I called in to work to say I wouldn't be there. This was 1992. It was the grocery store business. It was a load day and price change day, very busy to be sure.

I found out that my dear husband had sick days at his work where he could take time off, watch the kid and still get paid. WOW. Lucky him. I further found out he was using these days to go play golf with his buddies. WOW, unlucky for him.

Anyway.

I called work back and said I'd be there after all. He stayed home with chicken pox kid instead. We had a long, long, really long talk after work about priorities, expenses and the inequalities of parenthood. 1992 was the last time I called in sick.

My main point about Yolanda, my lazy co-worker, was not so much her sick kids. If her kids were genuinely sick, I care. A lot. I think, and I could be wrong, she convieniently goes home for her kids on days when there is a lot of work to do, the kind that she doesn't like to do. How do I even know it is their school calling her?

Furthermore, she talks too much, gets easily distracted, seldom finishes her work, does a shotty job and wastes time. But the bosses like her. I like her too. I don't expect her to ever do work as good as me. But I do expect her to work as good as she is capable of doing, which isn't too good lately. She'd rather talk.

At my work, we have an even mix of men and women. When it comes to picking up the slack for women with kids, they usually turn to the women without kids, instead of the men. THAT burns my biscuit. There are men who've been hired after me who could be getting up at 12:30pm and coming in to do the grunt work but no, they dump that on the women.

Maybe I should be flattered they turn to me but just like you, I have a life outside work and getting a good nights sleep is my priority now.

Thanks for your reply.

Look, I don't have all the answers either, but your post and the responses show that the problem isn't really the slacking workers - it's MANAGEMENT letting them get away with it, which continues this horrible cycle of the childless v. the parents, which does nothing to mend the situation.

Yolanda should be fired. If she's not doing her job, kids or not, she should be canned. PERIOD. And I know when you work in retail type places the hours are a bitch (I did Blockbuster for 3 months once when I needed a second job; it was hell on earth). But just the fact that Yolanda gets the hours you want because she has kids, is no reason to hate her for it, or resent it really. Daycare opens up at a certain time and closes at a certain time. If they had to do it differently to accommodate, the prices would SOAR.

As you said, if the kids are sick, yeah, it's a bummer.

But if she's slacking off otherwise, then she is not a good worker and if I were management I would kick her to the curb and fast.

And so, again, management is the problem. The business world's rules are the problem. Not the parents, not the childless (or people with grown children; sorry pbev, I forgot that you said you have a grown child).

My mother saw the same thing being done at her work and it wasn't always about children. The young girls with children would make doctors appointments in the middle of the day and take off the whole afternoon. Heck, they would make hair appointments and nail appointments during the week and take off in the afternoon. My mother and I (and my dad) NEVER did that unless absolutely necessary (and hair and nails can wait). I make doctors appointments for me and my kids in the early morning or late in the afternoon so that I'm working as much as possible that day. I don't make personal appointments (hair and nails) except on my own time on the weekend. Management should notice things like that and put a stop to it, but they don't. Hence the resentment by you.

Yolanda's problem is not KIDS, it her abusing the system and management letting her get away with it.

The best way to deal with this kind of thing is for the business world to acknowledge "quality of life" as a benefit both to their workers and to their business. Everyone should be given an opportunity to have a life outside of work, if they so desire and not to gauge promotions on how long someone works (because it doesn't necessarily mean they are productive; trust me). It benefits EVERYONE, not just parents.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate your taking the time to compose it. You are right. It is the management enabling poor work preformance that pissed me off. She should find a job that allows her to yap until her jaws fall off and shine on the work she hates. Oh wait. She has that job now!

It is not only retail that enables this slacking by moms. I have a sister who worked in the construction business as an office worker and she had a co-worker who was habitually taking time off for kids, nail appts, etc. She'd show up when she felt like it, would go to lunch for hours or not return at all. Management didn't want to fire her because they felt sorry for her kids.

The deal is Yolanda could do better work. They could reward the people who work their asses off, like me, but they don't.

I need a solution to take to the bosses that gets me help and doesn't make my friend lose her job. Its a double edges sword.

I feel for you, really. My mom had the same goings-on at her job, plus the Office Manager saying no one could have overtime, but my mom did the payroll and saw one worker still getting paid overtime, even though she didn't work it. They were stealing from the company, but nobody said anything. I don't know why. I would have thrown both of them under the bus, quite frankly, and I don't do things like that lightly. But it was out of hand.

So, yeah, it's a tough spot you are in, especially if the person is your friend. And it's nice to be concerned "about the kids", but at some point, those people have to feel the hurt of losing a job because of their bad behavior. Otherwise, they just keep doing it. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

Well, good luck with that. I don't know if there is anyway to fix it without throwing the woman under the bus.

Have you tried Dear Prudie? I jest, really. She probably would have nothing productive to say and the Dear Prudie posters would have a field day, right? But maybe a laugh would help?

Anyway, all the best. Cheers.

Btw, I lobbed this very softball to the DP folks on 5/8 and no one took a swing at it.

I'll find a solution even if I have to nag her into compliance. Thanks again for your replies.