My Friend's Husband Is Cheating!

Do you really think it is a good idea to stand by and not tell the spouse that the husband is cheating? If/when you are confronted, then you are allowed to tell her the truth? Then she finds out you knew the whole time and never said a word? I hope I have better friends than that!

I'm also torn about this one. If I discovered that my spouse was cheating, and that a couple of my closest friends had known about it all along, I would certainly feel hurt and betrayed by those friends. And Prudie suggests that the wronged wife may already know about it, but nothing in the letter suggests so. The wife has questioned her husband's relationship with this 'other woman', sure, but it may only be jealousy or occasional suspicion, rather than certainty. Her husband is having an 'exciting' time at her expense, and she has a right to know.

Prudie's right -- you don't want to tell. You may think you'd want them to tell you -- but reality is different. Plus, based on the information in the letter, I'd bet the wronged woman KNOWS her husband is cheating. Surely she doesn't tell LW the full extent of her suspiscions

I think you're right. Whenever the friend tells the wife, the situation is still either "You knew before I did!?" or "Yes, I know already." That won't be comfortable either way.

Whenever I found myself in a dilema like the LW's I have asked myself whether I want to have a "friend" like this in my life. Often the answer is no.

I 'm not an audience for another couple's melodrama and I'm not interested in borrowing the ethical problems of couples like this. I might listen empathetically when the shit hits the fan, but I'm not the poop screen till them. Distance.

Disclaimer: I haven't watched the video.

This is like the argument of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. There is no one, right answer.

Some people will want to know. Some people already know, and want to feign ignorance (for many reasons.) Some people will claim you are lying, or will reconcile and blame you for any problems the relationship had. Many people fall into multiple categories.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to discuss it hypothetically in a group. "Hey, I saw this letter in Dear Prudence. If you were the wife, what would you want your friend to do?" In some circles, many people have that problem throughout the lifespan of the friendships. Even if she's not the letter writer, she'd have an inkling how her friends felt if it ever came up, and they'd know her feelings about it. If they are then upset, in denial, whatever, the bearer or suppressor of bad news can remind them that's what they once said they'd want.

The fact is the only thing the LW "knows" is that her boyfriend says the husband says he's involved with his co-worker. Unless the LW has seen them do the dirty deed, she doesn't know any more than her boyfriend is saying the husband is saying. Who knows? Maybe he's just some drama king who likes throwing a wrench in the works, making his wife jealous and his friends uncomfortable.

The fact that the wife has already confronted him about this situation says to me that she knows enough about it and the friends should myob unless they like being part of the drama.

The husband is telling someone who he knows to be a friend of the wife? Sounds like he actually wants to get caught.

Also, why did this week's video have nothing to do with mothers? Way to keep up the theme!

And I got dragged out before I could tell the wife...... Every who knows me knows if asked a direct question, I will answer with the blunt truth. So, when my husband's co-worker's wife asked me at a Christmas party if I knew if her husband was cheating, my husband whisked me away from her. See, we had seen the cheating bastard going into a model apartment on several occasions with the apt manager, and both staying for hours.... Plus, my husband overheard a conversation between the two that left no question.

At the same time, I kept my mouth shut around my bil's gfs when I knew he was cheating on them. But, I also knew they'd be replaced before long anyway. And my loyalty isn't to them, it's to him. Besides, he had a penchant for the bitchy high maintenance types I could not stand. He's since gotten older and much wiser, but alas is still single.....