I known many people who don’t share the “bills” responsibility with their spouse. One person is “better with finances” (or math or whatever) and that person knows they’re drowning. The spouse is blissfully ignorant and doesn’t understand why they can’t go out to that expensive restaurant or pay $60 to get the dog groomed. They need to communicate and share the bill/budget responsibility. And no – yelling at him when he comes home with a $60 bill is not communicating. Saying, “honey, let’s sit down and go over the monthly budget and set priorities of what is important to both of us and our future goals” is communicating. If you’re not sharing information about your finances and priorities, you’re not really sharing your life…

I totally agree that Mom is entitiled to go to the salon and get herself pampered. However, depending on what kind of dog it is, a proffesional grooming may be called for. A dog, like a child, is also a responsibility that cannot and should not be neglected. It may not be possible for the children to just use a brush and nail clippers (which is not always easy to accomplish oneself) and properly groom the dog. Thus, it's time for mom to stop making all the sacrifices and use some of their income on herself. As a mother I also do for my children and 4 dogs before I do for myself. But that is my choice. It's time she makes her own choices.

I think other threads have touched on this- was the LW ever communicating with her husband the degree to which she sacrificed? Maybe he just thought she wasn't into froo-froo salons. Either way, if they can afford the (probably purebred) dog, and grooming, they can afford a good haircut.

As for those who offer the "but the dog might need it!" defense: well, maybe they don't need that breed of dog. Besides, how sad is it that we've bred dogs that cannot live comfortably without a spiffy haircut?

I just wrote a check for $280.00 to my vet for three separate treatments for my dog and considering all they did, that's reasonable these days. Dog ownership is extremely expensive.....

If the family can afford to have the dog groomed, she can afford to get her hair cut. During all the time that she was sacrificing for the good of the family, the husband never noticed that she was sacrificing. Now that it is obvious that if they can afford to pay $60 to have the groomed, she should assume that she can afford to have her own hair done. If she continually goes without, her husband will continue to suppose that she doesn't have any needs.

Oh, and, now that they have more money, the husband will assume that it is all his to spend. (You can tell that I have some issues with this!)

Well, as another poster said the LW should have a discussion with her husband. Has the woman even said anything to him about going to the salon or buying clothes? Why is she just silently fuming? She sounds like the typical martyr to me. If she hasn't said anything, how is her husband supposed to know she wants to go to a salon? A lot of men don't think of things like that.

I haven't had a professional haircut in years, but I don't care. I do it myself and get one of my neices or my husband to trim it up in the back. If my husband suddenly said "why don't you treat yourself to a salon haircut?", I would think I must have done a very poor job. He cuts his own hair, too (what's left of it!) It's not that we are so tight we won't go to a salon-we just think this is easier and there are other things we want to spend money on.

There's the point again-she is not communicating with her husband. It didn't sound like to me that she said anything to him about the grooming bill either. He is just supposed to guess at all this stuff?!

I'm sorry but I don't think $60 is that expensive for a dog grooming. I have paid more. As someone else pointed out, it can be expensive to have a dog.

And some dogs do need to be groomed. NOT just purebreds. My dog was a "pound puppy." He had thick, curly hair, though. We did it once a year and it was not so he could look "spiffy." It gets hot as hell here in summer. It kept him cooler, cut down on shedding, and fleas. Fleas and ticks love to hide in thick fur. Guess what? They will then jump on people, too. Just wait until this woman sees the vet bill for flea and tick treatment!

I think Prudie called this one wrong. The woman IS being petty. She obviously didn't want the dog in the first place. She said they were doing better. Well, hello stupid-go buy some clothes and go to a salon.

My husband is a spendthrift. I knew it when I married him. He makes the money, but I pay the bills. Why? Because we would be sitting in the dark if not. He knows this about himself and that is why he wanted me to take over. I really feel communication (or lack of) is the major problem with this situation.

Two more points before I "shaddup!" Do not go to a supposedly cheaper groomer. My dog got infested with fleas because of some other dog. Then we had a nice vet bill. Maybe it is a bias of mine now, but I would never go to another groomer that works out of his/her home.

The second point- that was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy bad advice about the nail clippers. You can seriously injure a dog if you do not know what you are doing. If you cut wrong, there will be major problems.

I don't get why almost everyone came down so hard on the husband of the LW. I pity the man, his kids and that poor dog.

Look, Yoffe had/has a beagle, and she doesn't have clue one about other types of dogs because Yoffe cannot abstract. Okay? She thinks ("He buys a doggie brush and nail clipper") that the dog needs a brush and a nail clipping job because that's all she's ever had to do. Yoffe is an idiot.

Some dogs do have to have their hair cut--which is a heck of a lot harder than most people think. An amateur can, of course, give the dog a buzz cut, but that is nasty looking, especially around the face.

Oh, I can't resist ^.^ I read an anecdote about how a woman allowed her friend, the dog groomer, to cut her hair. She said it looked fantastic and was raving about it. The friend said that it wasn't all that hard--just a schnauzer in the front and a pomeranian in the back.

One does not want to go to a cheap groomer--though Frontline is great at keeping the fleas down, one can wind up with a nasty infestation. A better idea is to make friends with the people who do the actual grooming at a big dog parlour. They often freelance, and some will come to people's homes and groom the dog there for about twice what they'd normally get paid--half what one would normally pay the parlour. Craigslist is good to find a groomer to come to your home--but be sure to check credentials.

As long as this is a four-times-a-year thing, $60 is really nothing. Frontline and heartworm medicine is about that. I paid $3000 last year for my 14-year-old chihuahua/dachshund pound puppy to have very delicate surgery on a neck tumor that was tangled up with the vessels that go to her brain (and that was the cut-rate price for the highly skilled but not board-certified surgeon). She is still with us, but even if she lives to be 17 (unlikely), that's a $1000 for each year of life. Yes, I am stupid, but it's my dog and my money. I can spend it however I want.

I think the LW did not want the dog--she probably resents every penny spent on it. There is no reason to believe that the husband knows what she has been "doing without"--I put that in quotation marks because I don't get those things either, but then, I don't want them.

If there is a real need to economize, then LW needs to find a way to reduce the grooming fees, as suggested above. She also needs to sit down with her whole family and the budget and have a frank discussion. She deserves her little indulgences just like everyone else--but she can't get them if she is going to suffer in silence. Everyone in the family should get some discretionary income.

Basically, LW needs to stop whining and just freaking speak up--and she also needs to stop projecting her resentment on the dog, because dogs are expensive.

Dogs are very expensive. Period. Mine are young and healthy, and I spend a fortune on their food alone. The only vet bills I have are shots, heartworm preventatives, and their spay/neuter fees, which of course are one - time fees. One of the dogs is small and short haired. I can easily wash him myself. The other is huge, with a thick white coat. She doesn't need a trim, but I cannot bathe her myself. Well, I tried it one time. But I deliberately did not get dogs that need haircuts, because I knew that would be an additional expense.

I agree that she and her husband need to communicate better, because she obviously has a lot of stored resentment.

You got that right. $60.00 is not bad at all for a dog grooming. Where I live, doggie cuts are $85.00 and upward. I don't have a doggie now, but my friends pay these prices for their dog's grooming.