EJ pulls out that old hat about what women are expected to do. "...we still have the idea that a mother, and not a father, should be available to her child at every moment, to kiss any boo-boo."

I say, screw that! I have never plotted my life based on other's expectations, and I don't ever plan to. I don't care what "idea" others have about my role. Any woman who is motivated by that is, well, just plain silly. In my household, my husband and I work out duties and who is available for what based on our individual situations. You should, too. What society thinks we ought to be doing is completely irrelevant.

It's only irrelevant if society isn't the one picking up the tab for cleaning up YOUR mess after YOUR failure as a parent.

Exactly.

The truth is that this is what ALL normal households do. It is left to biased eggheads like EJ to sit in an ivory tower and make false proclamations about what society is like.

my "exactly" was to the original post

Go ahead. If it feels good -- do it!

Just be sure to use some protection!

;-)

It is not irrelevant when "society" punishes you for plotting your life the way you want to. When women earn less on the dollar than men and are punished economically by taking time off work or by having children, it becomes relevant. When society REFUSES to acknowledge the value of parents (both male and female) by being one of the only western "civilizations" that doesn't offer any guaranteed maternity and paternity leave, it becomes relevant. When our children are punished because of their parents' need to work to support them, and "society" refuses to acknowledge the wisdom of providing for the millions of children growing up today in an economy CREATED by "society," it becomes relevant.

This is EXACTLY what EJ is talking about! Looking at this on an individual level instead of a systemic level creates the kind of blind bullshit posted by the assholes above.

parker

EJ is talking about it from a female perspective only.

"It is not irrelevant when "society" punishes you for plotting your life the way you want to." This sentence is selfish and petulant. If you work your ass off to the exclusion of everything else then you become a success at work and a failure at home. If you choose to work less but have a more balanced life, including time with your kids, it isn't punishment if you make less. That's just ridiculous. What the hell would you propose to do about it? Become communists?

The fact is you ARE allowed to plot your life the way you want to. You should be glad about that. There are far more ways to measure a successful life than how many dollars you bring in.

.

Parker -

You're talking about the "wage gap," which is a different issue from the one being discussed above. EJ personifies "society" into some being that's able to cast disapproval upon those who don't structure their lives according to a prescribed norm. And she appears to think that that disapproval matters in some way.

The posters above are only commenting on how that's a meaningless concept and how only a weak, stupid, obsessively conformist and timid person would give a damn as to what "society" thinks. We should all work to eradicate that attitude.

Malarky- Word! Total agreement.

Parker: As Malarky said, the part that I was citing was about social expectations, not the "wage gap" (which is a completely separate issue). People are not "punished" when their actions have consequences. Sometimes things are just cause and effect. If I work 40 hours a week, and you work 80, then you should earn more than me, and I'm sure that you would (assuming that we have somewhat equal skills). If you or I choose to have children, then it is in no way, shape or form society's responsibility to feed and clothe them for me after they are born. It is the parents' responsibility, and the 2 of them should organize it according to their personal situation. Your statement that "our children are punished because of their parents' need to work to support them" was very telling. Children are not in any way punished by seeing and knowing that their parents work to support them. In fact,children being able to understand that life involves work, often hard work, and that their parents work hard because they love them, is nothing but a benefit to those children. Children do need love and attention, but they certainly don't need both parents hovering over them at every second, with no other responsibilities.

By the way, please don't call me or other posters on this board assholes. It's just plain rude.