if anyone wants to throw in their two cents it would be greatly appreciated.

I live with my boyfriend, this bothers my Catholic family - especially my mother. She is excepting that I don't share her faith but still pressures us to get married. We plan to marry, but I feel no rush and it would just cause unneeded stress while we are both trying to finish school. My distant cousin is getting married this summer and invited the whole family, there are six of us. When my mom asked if my bf was coming I told her that weddings were expensive and it was nice enough for them to invite all of us and I didn't want to be rude bringing someone not invited. My bf has accompanied me to other family/family friends weddings but that was because I received a personal invite that said "you and a guest". Also bear in mind, my cousins are so distant they probably do not know I am cohabitating unless through the gossip train. My mom responded that my brother wasn't going and that the invitation says "and family", which includes my boyfriend since he will eventually be part of the fam. I don't think many people see things this way, my super conservative sister likes to show me statistics of people who cohabitate getting married. I just would feel uncomfortable seeing family members that I only see every couple of years and bringing my bf whom I "live in sin" with to their Catholic wedding. Am I being silly? and if not how can I help my mom understand this?

Sorry. Always exciting to have now issues. Call the cousin. Explain that your mother thinks you should bring him, but that you feel you should not. Let the cousin decide.

That's "new" issues.

I agree. Stop going through the gossip train and talk to your cousin directly. If you don't have any current contact info for her, I'm pretty sure that means you are distant enough you can stay home with the bf if you like :)

Contacting the cousin is the best answer.

Only you can answer this question, but since you "live in sin" as you put it, do you think your mother is so urgent for him to come so she can make a scene in front of the rest of your family about your cohabitation status? If that's not the case, I don't understand why you would feel so uncomfortable? It's not like they have to find out you live together just because he came with you, do they?

Generally if you don't receive an invitation that says, "And guest" that means you don't bring a boyfriend or a fiance. Though I do agree that the best bet would be to contact your cousin and ask her. Make sure you do so in a manner that lets her know that saying, "No, I wasn't budgeting for my cousins to bring their SOs." is a OK answer. Otherwise she may feel stressed out.

If your boyfriend isn't going, point out to your mother that while you are planning on marrying you have not done so yet, so he is not yet counted as "family".

I had this issue with my Catholic parents as well. (Though they're more catholic by default rather than due to any real thought) But I had decided that cohabitating with someone before I married them was important to me, and so I accepted the arguements.

When my husband and I got married, I specifically did not have my cousins bring boyfriends or girlfriends. I have over 20 first cousins and only three are married (I am one of the oldest) and an extra ~15 guests would have been another $600. Everyone was fine with it except for my father's sister. She felt that her 15 year old daughter should be allowed to bring a boyfriend since her 26 year old daugther was bringing her husband. I stood my ground, though it was annoying to have to deal with the arguements.

Catholic by default!!! I love that!!

My husband's mother actually TOLD him to move in with me so she could make room for family visiting for the wedding! He came home and all his stuff was piled up in the living room.

Quite the shock to me when he showed up and said he needed help unloading the car!

...than a near-stranger's wedding, don't you?

Who is living with you? Why, would that be your boyfriend? Why is that? Could it be because you love him? Really? Are you sure about that?

You don't have a lot of respect for this man you claim to love if you wander around declaring that you're "living in sin" and allowing your family to shove guilt down your throat. Why aren't you speaking up for him? Don't you understand that your family is treating both of you badly? Are you really that thick?

If you were adult enough to move in with the man, then you'd better hoist up your tits and defend your decision instead of allowing a bunch of retrograde, doctrine-spouting morons constantly deride your choices. You don't live with them. You live with him. Kowtowing to your family this way could very well lose you this relationship altogether - most men would not put up with this for long.

You made a choice to live with this man because (I'm assuming, here) that you love him. That means that if you get an invitation to a wedding that includes him, you either take him with you, or you politely decline the invitation altogether.

Going alone is disrespectful to the person that you live with and will mean nothing to the rest of the wedding guests. If you're that concerned with what others think of your living arrangements, then you are not grown up enough to cohabit.

chillin'. I mean, come on. We've had enough crazy for the last couple of millennia. Let's try to be cool for once!

I'm probably in a minority-- although I think it's growing-- of people who just want to be Catholic and not told what to do. For example, the last time I went to church was at St. Peter's Basilica. So when people ask if I go to church, I say yes. Anytime I'm in Vatican City, I go to St. Peter's on Sunday.

The important thing is to be solid in the eyes of JC-- and no one needs to tell you how to do that.

Well, technically, since you don't live with your parents -- you have not been invited. Wedding invitations should be addressed to the invited parties (adding "and family" if there are children still living at home is really optional.) The names of the specific invitees are listed on the interior envelope, thus specifying which children are invited -- and the "and family" is really not needed. (If 2yo Tommy isn't listed, he's not invited -- get a sitter.)

Adult children who stil live with their parents should get either their own invitation or their name should be listed on a separate line on the exterior of the envelope:

Example:

Mr and Mrs John Jones
Mr Thomas Jones
1234 Main St
Anytown ST 12345

As with any other invite, the first names of those invited are written on the interior envelope.

I find it strange that this cousin doesn't know you well enough to know you don't live at home with your parents yet s/he is still inviting you to her/his wedding. (Of course, I know in many families, cousins are invited by default. This could be your situation.)

As to whether or not you should contact the cousin, technically it would be considered rude.

If you want to attend the wedding with your live-in (which it actually sounds like you really don't want to do) -- I'd call her and say that you are wondering if it would be okay if you brought your live-in. (Be prepared for a no and accept.)

If you really don't want to go, just tell your mother you can't go and send your cousin your regrets.

I wonder where people get off thinking that an invitation to attend ones' wedding is just an invitation to fill a seat at the reception hall. As if any 100 people in attendance would do. If one invites Bob and he can't go, why he should just pass his invite on to his co-worker, George, who neither the bride nor groom knows.

Messy, "living in sin" was supposed to be funny. My bf and I laugh all the time about how ridiculous my family is and, when called for, I stand up to them. We have a solid relationship, but thanks for the concern.

Thanks everyone, for sharing your opinions. You've been most helpful.