Did anyone notice that it was after the daughter called her mom to invite herself and her friend to do the same thing again that mom said no?

I also have to wonder if mom would have felt the same way if the husband and daughter had gone out while they were visiting. What is the real problem here?

Do you mean that daughter and hubby would drive all day to see grandma and use her as a babysitter so they can go get plastered?

Of course she got upset when she called again. Daughter now thinks going to visit mom is a way to go out and get drunk off her ass. And rather than asking if mom would be available to watch the kids, I bet she and her friend just left and assumed mom would watch the kids.

there's nothing wrong with going out for drinks with friends when you're a mom. But this chick looks like she's starting to take advantage of her mom.

To me the real issue here isn't so much judgementalism as respect. I think that's what the mother is struggling with. I think the "slut" talk is her way of wondering why her daughter isn't treating her better.

I just wondered if the same terms (slut) would have been used. I think the mom's real problem is not the going out, but the fact that she felt used by her daughter (and the friend). My mom lives closer than this family, but if I want her to watch my kids while I go out with friends or my husband, we work it all out ahead of time. And a lot of times we come to visit and don't go out. I agree with you 100%.

And how weird is it to go to someone else's house and invite someone other than your husband, even if he had to work?

I don't know...If I moved out of town I could easily bring one of my girlfriends with me to visit my mom instead of my husband. And I could easily go out dancing with said girlfriend and leave my kids with my mom. I could also come home drunk of my ass (which never happens but it COULD), and my mom would NEVER think to pass judgement on me, compare me to what her mom would have called 'sluts', question my respect for her, or even bring it up in a negative way. My mom would say "did you girls have a good time? It sure looks like it". She would never consider that I was being disrespectful, or abusing alcohol, or using her. She would just know I needed a night out.

But then again...I actually have a very good very close relationship with my mom.

Bringing the friend doesn't seem odd to me, considering there's a day's drive involved. I know my mom and my husband would both probably prefer I bring a friend to have another adult in the car and to help keep an eye on the kids. Traveling long distances alone or alone with little children can be tough and draining and it's sometimes safer and often easier to have another adult with you. Of course, my mom and my husband both know my friends, or at least know of them and a little about them, so it wouldn't be like bringing a stranger to my parents' house. My parents' house is always open to my sister's and my friends. But then we'd never plan a visit and neglect to tell mom and dad we'll be out all night and expect them to watch the kids.