I didn't even get all the way through Ps first response, before getting frustrated. JFC, is 2 nights of drinking all it takes to be considered an alcoholic? 2 nights of going out automatically means marrige trouble. Please, Please Prudie, , ,QUIT, just QUIT, you're so counter-productive it's not even funny anymore. You are SO far out of your league, that the best you can do is come up with extremist answers. Please, go away. There has to be something (possibly everything) that you can do better than you are doing this column. Try writing for a sitcom or something, please, but whatever, just get out of the advice column business.

Your displaced rant is kind of strange. All we have is the mother's story. Her married daughter comes to visit, bringing her kids and a "friend" to go out with, tells her mother she plans to party every night all night she's there, goes out every night, comes home - still drunk - in the morning, then leaves without saying goodbye.

I think Prudie stopped at about the right place in describing the situation. I would have been more blunt. This does not describe normal or acceptable behavior in most parts of the world. Did I miss some part of the story? Have you got a way to describe the daughter's behavior as anything other than trashy?

If you are the daughter I would be glad to introduce your husband to the best divorce attorney in the midwest. You've got the word "tramp" tattooed on your forehead, and maybe in the small of your back as well.

Geeez ... we should all just take a deep breath and calm down.

Ghouck, yes, I think Prudie was off on this one. But, she has always taken an extremist stance whenever a LW mentions drinking.

Tonto, I think ghouck was saying that Prudie is very judgmental about drinking without knowing a person's history. Also, I believe the letter said the girls made it home at night drunk ... not the next morning.

This daughter did not spend any significant time with mom. She drove all day one way to drop the kids off at her mother's so she could go out drinking. That's not casual drinking - I did my share of drinking in my time, maybe more. I know about drinking.

Judgemental is probably not a good word to use when someone accurately points out a situation that's both rude and improper. Was mom supposed to say this: "That's great, honey, drop your kids off with me so you can go out partying any time. When can you come back?"

I'll accept your comment about the time of day at face value. No need to quibble on that.

I think Tonto understands this situation perfectly.

For me. It's not about the partying. It's about the lying and her dismissive and self entitled treatment of her mother. She hurt her mother's feelings. And the husband.......

I'm sorry ... I'm getting quite confused. All I was saying is that both previous responses were a little over the top.

I said Prudie was judgemental about drinking; not the rude and improper behaviour of dropping off the kids. I do not think one weekend in her life partying with a girlfriend is trashy but treating her mother that way is. I absolutely think the mother should set some ground rules about being a babysitting service.

I didn't see anywhere that the daughter had lied or how she hurt her husband?

Sorry ... like I said, confused.

Everything happens in context, right.

Senario 1: Hey, single girlfriend, my husbands working and I fell like going out. How about I get a baby sitter and we go out Saturday? ( Then, when I get home I can lay my horny ass on him.)

Senario 2: Hey, husband, since you're working how about I and my single girlfriend drive all day and dump my kids with my Mom and get real fucked-up for two days,leave without saying goodbye and bitch her out when she asks me what WTF is up? (Is there a living person that wants their mother to see them this way on a family visit, that isn't crying out for help or attention or something?)

Oh yeah, and the difference between sluts, tramps etc and most of the rest of us is discretion and judgement. It's not the "weekend" it's the context that says that more is going on here than a few magaritas and a dance.

If the first instance of let's go get drunk with my girlfriend doesn't indicate something, remember daughter is plannning to repeat this scenario -- which is what lead to this impasse between mother and daughter.

Good point Tess K. Is the gas for two days driving cheaper than a baby sitter?

quietwife:

Good point Tess K. Is the gas for two days driving cheaper than a baby sitter?

No - but it does meet the "50 mile rule" for safer cheating.

Ha! Also they can split the gas I guess.

Everything you say is correct. We need the previous Prudie to return. Failing that, we need to get a better Prudie than Emily Yoffe.

I encountered the opposite problem in my relationship with my mother. She was willing enough to keep my children, but she never really let me go. She and I grew increasingly incompatible: From my childhood on, we argued frequently. Our arguments grew worse as I entered my teenage years, my university years, and, finally, married life. She never understood my need to have a existence that was separate from that of my 'family of origin.' I felt as if I was suffocating. I tried to explain the fact to her, but she could not understand it. Finally, once my children were adults, I quit visiting her every year. Our relationship improved, to some degree: THE MORAL: ESTABLISH YOUR OWN LIFE AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN, AND LET NO ONE INTRUDE UPON IT. THAT GOES FOR MATES AS WELL AS RELATIVES.

quietwife:

Good point Tess K. Is the gas for two days driving cheaper than a baby sitter?

Yes. It is. I charged $5 per hour per kid when I was a babysitter, and that was 15 years ago. I can only imagine that it is more expensive now. So two evenings out (assuming 2 kids) would be $180, assuming that babysitters don't charge more now. A days worth of travel is ~ 480 miles ~ $109. This is also not accounting for the fact that the LW is feeding them for at least one whole day, and watching the kids while the LW's daughter sleeps in. So realistically, it would cost far more to get a babysitter to do this than the $180 I've earmarked for it.

Tearlach:

ESTABLISH YOUR OWN LIFE AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN, AND LET NO ONE INTRUDE UPON IT. THAT GOES FOR MATES AS WELL AS RELATIVES.

Read Iso's comment on this as well. It's why my wife and I moved away from both sets of parents as soon as we could.