Dear DPers,
This year, Mothers' Day happens to fall on Jesse's birthday. I'd love to tell you I'm ready to make it a celebration of the 22 years I was privileged to be his mother, and but I don't think I'm quite ready to pull that off. On my walks to work every morning, I hit a certain point in the park (near the playground, of course), that I call my crying spot. But I don't avoid it. I feel relieved that it's there, to help me compartmentalize my grief, so I can still be a good mom to my remaining son. In a way, dates like May 11th serve the same purpose, a day to honor the grief, so that I can enjoy the rest of life. So it sucks to try to jam a happy day right on top of it like that. I figure I'll divide the day up like I used to divide desserts and play station time, and hope to avoid the tug of war in my heart. Happy birthday, Jesse.
Dear Prudie,
My daughter is a cut-rate Britney pushing 40.
signed,
Put my foot down a few years late.
Dear Better late than never,
You were her shiny red mid-life sports car: she can't go out with the cool chicks without you. Send her a nice Mothers' Day card and don't mention her idiotic behavior. She just thinks if she pouts enough she'll get her way, and she must have learned that somewhere. Never to late for you to learn how to say No.
Another good way to command respect is to model it. And I don't think you have. Calling her a slut by your mom's proxy is a sign that you don't respect her. And for one weekend of drinking? Are you kidding me? In my day, you'd have to work in a year's worth of orgies and one night stands before you could earn that epithet. Figure out what your problem is, if you want to solve hers.
signed,
Iso think we end up with the kids we deserve
Dear Prudie,
Mother in law, excuses, mutual avoidance. Tug of war over hubby.
signed,
Always!
Dear Not Necessarily,
See, this is why the Nomists live hundreds of miles away from both families.
Here's what you do: Call sister in law and arrange for her and hubby to take Mrs. Pufferbelly to bingo, while you and your mom and grandma tuck in at a smoke free establishment. Then drop your two kids over at MIL's house the next weekend and go out and tie one on with your best gfs. That way your mom won't be mad at you.
signed,
Iso love a simple solution
Dear Prudie,
My hubby loves the dog more than me.
signed,
Scruffles
Dear Scrufferella,
You have no business blaming your husband for what YOU did to yourself. How you martyred yourself in the past was your choice, I don't see you saying he forced you to skip the salon. In fact, you make it sound like the two of you didn't even sit down and discuss the cost of the dog, or your own upkeep. Do do it now.
If he doesn't agree that you need to be at least as high maintenance as his mutt, tell him you're taking the dog to the groomer, then come back home with a makeover, mani pedi and a new hairstyle. And a killer dress, dont' forget the killer dress. And the still scruffy dog. Stick the dog in his arms, hand him a pair of clippers, and take off with your gfs for a night on the town.
signed,
Iso don't sit around waiting for hubby to take ME to the groomer's.
Dear Prudie,
My mom embarrasses the crap out of me in front of my friends, no matter what I say.
signed,
At least when I was embarrassing her, I was only six.
Dear Another reason we don't live near our folks,
Iso don't blame you for being mad that she's choosing being a loudmouthed boor over you.You're no doubt her first (or only) teenage child, because otherwise she'd have learned, when the first one graduated a year early and went to college out of state on a full scholarship and didn't come back in the summers.
All you can do is let her know you love her, praise her good behaviors, celebrate the small changes she makes for the better, avoid problematic situations, and ignore the boordom as much as you can. You can't criticize her into good behavior; that will only cause her to be defensive, rebellious and resentful. Think of her as your really big six year old. At least until you're old enough to move out on your own.
Signed,
Iso would be studying my ass off if I were you
