My husband, son, and one daughter thought Mother's Day was last week, thanks to the early advertising this year. I've told my son I am not his mother, and the kids that a simple phone call is plenty. The daughter has already fulfilled her duty in remembering me, albeit a week early. Better than late!

As to these letters, I'll bet almost everyone's answers are strongly related to their age and whether they are mothers and whether their mothers are alive. I look forward to the male perspective.

1) I couldn't say whether this monster is of your own creation. However, it is fair to ask that she either spend time with you, or find accommodations elsewhere, particularly if you are also hosting her guest. E-mail her back, and be more clear. Tell her that is she is coming to see you, she is welcome, even with a friend in tow. Also remind her the the kids are always welcome. However, be firm that if she is using your home merely as a place to leave her clothes while she's out, that you cannot accommodate her. (Gotta wonder about this "friend.")

2) Try asking her out without your mother and grandmother. She probably feels she is playing second fiddle to your family, and rightly so. While the 3 of you discuss old friends and family, she likely is feeling left out in these group gatherings. If she still refuses, take a "picnic" over to her house, to enjoy out back, if she has a yard. (Sounds like Prudie has mil issues.)

3) Try talking to your husband or try finding a cheaper groomer. Self-serve is a good idea, except it would fall upon you or your husband, since the kids are probably too young to do an adequate job. Personally, one of my requirements for a dog was short hair, especially living in the south.

4) Deal with it. I know parents can be embarassing; it's part of the job description. However, by getting to know your friends, your mother is trying to make sure you are with a good crowd and making good decisions. Try thanking your mom for driving you. Maybe she'll let up if you show some appreciation.

You told your son you were not his mother? Isn't that a little harsh for getting the date of Mother's Day wrong? I mean, really.

OOPS! No I told my husband I am not his mother!!!

IncogNeato:

OOPS! No I told my husband I am not his mother!!!

Oh, whew! I was gonna say! I like your advice to LW # 1. She is being used for her babysitting services. I wonder why she has to "visit" her mother in order to go out? Either her hubby doesn't let her go out, or she's hooking up with an old flame from high school.

ElleBlue:

Either her hubby doesn't let her go out, or she's hooking up with an old flame from high school.

Or she's hooking up with the friend she brought.

IncogNeato:

ElleBlue:

Either her hubby doesn't let her go out, or she's hooking up with an old flame from high school.

Or she's hooking up with the friend she brought.

Yeah, could be. But the LW didn't mention them sleeping in the same room or any buzzing noises coming through the door.

Elleblue: My thought exactly.

"Try asking her out without your mother and grandmother. She probably feels she is playing second fiddle to your family, and rightly so."

But you're just reading in that the MIL is left out of the conversation, aren't you? If the LW is in her 40's, that means that her grandmother is likely in her 90's, so it hardly seems likely that she's dominating much of the conversation. It's obvious that the LW feels neglected by her MIL's refusal to go with them. So is the LW supposed to have two separate mother's day celebrations on one of the most expensive restaurant days of the year, simply because her MIL doesn't feel like going out with the whole family? After all, the MIL's son and grandchildren are there, and that's presumably who she wants to spend time with on mother's day. If she doesn't, she doesn't have to.

Who says it has to be a restaurant? She can take a picnic lunch over. (There goes the "smells of smoke" issue!) She can take her mil shopping on Saturday, instead.

If you don't think a 90 year old can dominate a conversation, you've never met anyone like my 91 year old father, who never lets anyone get a word in edgewise, or else keeps steering the conversation back to what he wants to discuss. Not everyone over the age of 70 or 80 is frail and fragile and incapable of lengthy conversation. Besides, perhaps Grandma feels left out, too, because the daughter and mother are going at it 90 to nothing. This would leave mil to entertain the grandmother, which also is no fun.

The LW wants to relax on Mother's Day. Fine. Entertain her matriarchs on Saturday, or on the week before or after Mother's Day. Start a new tradition: Entertain mil the weekend before, relax on "the" day, and entertain mom & granny the weekend after. That way, all the matriarchs will be home to receive guests and to answer the phone when the other members of their families want to call!

Just because the LW and her husband love each other, doesn't mean her mother & mil want to spend time together. People seem to get that with step-parents of adult children, but not with in-laws.

I thought I was the only one who thought it was "strange" that the daughter brought her "friend" to visit her mom that she doesn't see very often. I can see if the girls have been close since childhood and daughter #2 would like to see her pseudo-mom again. But I didn't get that from the letter so WTF?

I've only seen bringing random friends to visit relatives with the pre teen set. At that age they get bored easily and letting them bring a friend just makes the trip that much easier.

Based on what we all have to go off of, I have a feeling that she is either having a "fun time" with the friend or she made a plan to hook up with a guy and the friend is there for moral support. It seems like a weird situation and a lot of traveling/planning/ticking off mom to just have been a girls night out.

ElleBlue:

Yeah, could be. But the LW didn't mention them sleeping in the same room or any buzzing noises coming through the door.

Then again, anyone who thinks someone is a slut for going to a bar with a same-sex friend would probably never consider the possibility of an AC/DC daughter.