There will be a quiz at the end.

Let me preface this by saying that it's a weird week on the DP. I guess what with people losing their homes, their jobs and their lives it appears we've all lost our collective patience with people bitchin about actually getting gifts from other people and actually extending a pleasant comment about choice in officewear.

Be that as it may, I've been giving some thought to this:

WTF is up with boyfriends from high school? What is this strange spell the first guy you date casts upon ye? This isn't the first time we've gotten a letter from someone who goes out of their way to let you know that this isn't just some ordinary schmuck you're dealing with, this is my (chorus of angels, please) boyfriend from high school (laaaaaaaah!)

My first official boyfriend was a guy named Marcus. I say "official" because I've had a different boyfriend every year since Kiddie-garden and I chased Robert Cannon around till I cornered him under the monkey bars. I'm sure most of them were not even aware of their exhalted status, but I'd pick one to fixate on come each September the same way I'd pick out my new shoes and that would be my boyfriend. In fact, for many years after I could not figure out why, come each September, I'd start feeling antsy, like I wanted to break up with whomever I was with at the time. Now, I know; when those Santa Ana winds start blowing it's New Boyfriend Weather.

Anyhoo, about Marcus. We met in Junior high, 7th grade. The teachers usually start out the year seating us alphabetically and our last names not only started with the same letter, they were phonetically almost identical so when you said our last names we sounded like a vaudeville act. We had every class together so we ended up beside, front or back of each other all day. We bonded when I noticed him drawing a cartoon; he was working on his comic book "Lesbian Nazi Nuns" and I told him how he could improve it and it became "Premenstrual Lesbian Nazi Kitten-Killin' Nuns on Acid".

We started out as bosom buddies but I resisted the inference that we were a couple because he was about 2 inches shorter than me and 30 pounds lighter (we joked that he was so skinny he was concave.) Everyone knows that boyfriends are supposed to be taller and bigger than yourself.

We made it official in our freshman year of high school. I got my first kiss in the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland. And no, nothing happened in the Make-Out Monsanto ride (locals, you know what I'm talking about.) We had the same warped sense of humor, the same anarchist tendencies, the same GPA. We never held hands at school or any other PDA but were so close and spent so much time together that we couldn't really fight everyone else's perception that we were a couple - so we were.

Sometime towards the end of our sophomore year he said he had something to talk to me about. To make a long story short, he told me that there were things about me that he didn't like. Basic personality things. I said, "Oh, okay. So does this mean we're breaking up?" and he said, "Oh, no! I just want you to change."

And I'm thinking, we're 16 years old. I'm supposed to alter my personality so I can please you so you will still be my boyfriend? Pardon me, I wasn't aware that your ass was gold-plated! I said I didn't think there was any point in going around any more if he didn't, you know, like me, so I handed him back his class ring and asked for mine back and that was that, end o' chat.

I was surprised at two things: first, how devastated he seemed to be over it. He came to school the next day ashen-faced and red-eyed, looking like he hadn't slept all night. Second, at how much flak I got from people about the split. "You guys seemed so perfect together" and "can't you work it out?" and "you guys have been together for so long!" (I guess 18 months is a long time in a teenager's life.) I'm trying to tell people, "News flash: He doesn't even like me! Why the hell do I still want to go out with him, knowing that? Or vice versa?"

This went back and forth for some time with me telling people that he apparently didn't like me (okay by me; no harm, no foul) and him saying, nonono, it's just that there are some things about her I don't like. Excuse me? Isn't that why they created dating? So you could find out if you like someone before making a lifelong committment to them? Apparently not! Apparently you are supposed to cleave unto the first guy that laughs at your jokes in Psych class and cut & paste yourself to square peg yourself into that round hole just so you can say, 30 years later, I'm still with my (cue angels) high school sweeeetheaaaart.

People change. Kids change on a daily basis. We weren't the same kids in our sophomore year that we were in 7th grade and if I ran into him today I doubt he'd be the same guy I split my tater tots with after German class.

So, (finally), here's the questions:

Is anyone still with their high school sweetheart (and don't let my smartaleck comments dissuade you from answering; if it worked out for you, more power to ya!)

Has anyone reconnected with their old school-age flame? And how did it go?

Does anyone see that classmates.com site and think "Hmmmmm I wonder what ol' so and so's up to"? Ever fantasize about a reunion?

If your high school boyfriend or girlfriend came back into your life, would you cut them slack that you wouldn't for any other person you were dating; give them Tater Tot Seniority?

I'm also looking for humorous/horrifying stories about old flames that you've heard how they ended up - for good or bad.

(I also think I need to look up Robert Cannon so I can apologize for stalking and sexually harrassing him under the monkey bars. Honest, that's all I would do, I swear!)

If your high school boyfriend or girlfriend came back into your life, would you cut them slack that you wouldn't for any other person you were dating; give them Tater Tot Seniority?

I had one boyfriend before I met hubby, he was a Jr & I was a freshman. He has asked me to his JR/SR prom. The only reason I was allowed to is because we knew his family for years. we were all involved in scouts one way or another.

Anyways, after the prom, I was allowed to go on dates, nothing serious, just some kissy face. He kept wanting me to promise that I would marry him some day. I would giggle & say oh, sure. & he kept telling me he had a condum in his wallet, I would ignore that.

I went away for two weeks that summer to visit gramma. When I got back, I called his house, his dad answered & asked if I was Kelly? Not my name. Kelly had a reputation around town that she was easy. I never said a word to him after that. The next time I saw him, I walked up & handed him the jewelry he had given me, without saying a word. I wasn't hurt, I just realized his games wasn't worth my time.

mermaid33:

Is anyone still with their high school sweetheart (and don't let my smartaleck comments dissuade you from answering; if it worked out for you, more power to ya!)

Has anyone reconnected with their old school-age flame? And how did it go?

Does anyone see that classmates.com site and think "Hmmmmm I wonder what ol' so and so's up to"? Ever fantasize about a reunion?

If your high school boyfriend or girlfriend came back into your life, would you cut them slack that you wouldn't for any other person you were dating; give them Tater Tot Seniority?

I'm also looking for humorous/horrifying stories about old flames that you've heard how they ended up - for good or bad.

Are you kidding? I can't remember most of the guys I went out with in high school. Two weeks was a ver-r-r-ry long relationship for me. Probably because I got lots of first dates, and when they didn't get any, not too many second dates.

I had 2 friends - one male, one female - who really mattered to me in high school. The female, well, she lived a very different life from me after graduation. However, when we reconnected, all was forgiven, and she was my attendant at my wedding. She got married, and I heard snippets about her from her mom, till her mom died. No idea where she is now.

The male lived in a orphanage-style foster home with his brother. I heard from his brother, briefly, a few years ago, then lost touch. Somehow, they caught up with my friend for our most recent class reunion, and I'd have seen him there, had hubby not been in the hospital. We've e-mailed a few times. I'm not sure, but he may have been hoping I'd be available. Or he may just have wanted to catch up with an old friend.

One guy I thought was hot in high school I saw about 3-4 years later. He reminded me of something which wallows in deep mud vats. I dropped all fantasies about meeting up with old beaus after that. However, I did reconnect with and marry an old college sweetheart, after my divorce. So I guess anything could be possible.

mermaid33:

Is anyone still with their high school sweetheart

Nope.

mermaid33:

Has anyone reconnected with their old school-age flame? And how did it go?

I had flings with several of my exes while I was an undergrad. It was great. I had moved across the country to go to school, so when I came back I had the allure of distant places. So I got a lot of nookie.... I had no interest in dating any of them again.

mermaid33:

Does anyone see that classmates.com site and think "Hmmmmm I wonder what ol' so and so's up to"?

Given the size of my hometown, I do know what the people I dated and hung out with are doing right now. I must confess, I do occasionally read my college ex-boyfriend's blog. It's nice to see that I made the right decision in dumping him. He's still living at home with the religous nutcase mother and his three sisters (who are in their 40s now!!) and they appear to be getting crazier by the moment.

I don't know about you, but I love Q and A's. I think I may have only gone to grad school so that I could take more tests. I have a serious disorder and I ought to see someone about it... but first let me answer these questions! XD

"Still with that ol' flame?" Nope. Not only did we not work out (we even tried dating again right after I graduated [he was two years younger but only one year behind]) but he VANISHED once he went to college. Those of us who knew him fairly well think he may have joined a cult.

"Reconnect with any of 'em?" Well apart from re-dating that one guy right after graduation, the only ex that I ended up spending time with afterwards was the next boyfriend, who was the best man at my first wedding. (He was my exhubbys only close male friend, but I'd have to say that the ex boyfriend and I were better friends.) But this friendly-ex was not a *high-school boyfriend* so I don't know if it counts. We used to hang out all the time after our very civilized break-up, but nothing romantic occurred. (Total bummer, that. Could have saved me the cost of a wedding and a divorce had we hooked up.)

"Reunion fantasies?" Oh hell no, not for the high school boy. I mean I sort of would like to know what cult he did join, but I do not feel like sitting down and reminiscing. "Remember that time we were going to have sex, but you were so nervous that you... yeah, that was really embarrassing for me too." I would like to know what happened to the friendly-ex. My ex-hubby got him in the divorce.

"Who gets Tater-tot seniority?" Well only the friendly-ex, provided that he'd still be friendly and not twisted by the tales of my evil ex-hubby who is the diaper rash on the asshole of humanity. The high school ex... it was a fine break up, so I don't hold a grudge, but I also don't carry a secret flame for him either.

Alas I have no humorous stories about where exes have ended up (even the ex-hubby seems to have a job), but the reason I think that first boy joined a cult is due to the fact that he was a fundamentalist christian republican with daddy issues. He was constantly looking for a father figure he could respect. How on earth did a liberal archaeologist end up dating this crazy man? Well, it was high school, hormones were raging and he was cute and made me laugh. We broke up both times because he couldn't be with someone who believed in evolution and I couldn't see dating someone who believed that Neanderthals were just biblical people possessed by demons.

Mer - the Enchanted Tiki Room?!? My ex-hubby had a thing for it too, now that I think of it. He wanted to make out while all those birds were singing and the coconuts and... oh god, the horror! The Haunted Mansion is the place to make out! Private car - it's dark - and you can pretend to be scared, "Oh hold me!"

The Haunted Mansion is my favorite and not to be wasted on some dork feeling me up!

That's why everyone looked forward to the Make-Out Monsanto ride (remember that great big eye?) or by the well at Tom Sawyer's Island (but a lot of kids peed in the well so it didn't smell too romantic). Or the tree house of the Swiss Family Robinson. Then there's that dark sequence before the gun battle between the ships during Pirates of the Caribbean. No Small World, though; that's just creepy.

I have never been on the Matterhorn; I swear to god every single time I go it's closed for repair or something! It's a conspiracy I tells ya!

Oh, all those little kids rides are good, too; the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and Snow White, etc. But they're kinda short so you better get your groove on quick.

I was lucky enough to be on the very first car for the very first ride of Space Mountain the day it opened. There was a malfunction and halfway through the ride it came to a complete stop and all the lights came on. You could see that all those little twinkly stars in the sky were a result of tiny holes in a burlap curtain. We sat there for 15 minutes or so until they started it back up. I thought it was more memorable than the actual ride.

I made the mistake of going to ToonTown while stoned. I do not recommend it!

I almost married my highschool sweetheart. Parents, school guidance councellors and, ultimately, fate kept it from happening and I spent many years thinking they were all wrong and that if only I'd followed my heart at the time my life would have been so much better...

Classmates.com was how she found me 30 years later, and like an idiot I fell hard. I moved 3,000 miles to be with her and make the fairy tale come to life. I conveniently forgot about the ogre until it was way too late.

Newsflash!: Opposites may attract, but for all the wrong reasons. Hindsight is most definitely not 20/20 - it only seems that way because it's all about things that are safely in the past and can't bite us in the ass any more.. unless we get stupid and let Classmates.com reintroduce us to our adolescent delusions.

People do change with time, but mostly those changes serve to make them even more what they already were. Goodie Twoshoes and the Filthy Beast may make a cute couple in high school, but thirty years later she'll be convinced he's going to be spending eternity in Hell and he is going to be convinced that escape from Hell is as simple as getting a divorce (indeed, that they are one and the same).

If only life were so simple...

Well, my only high school beau was actually a cousin who was visiting from Georgia. (yeah. I'm wierd.)

Our parents insisted on a breakup (duh). We are now on friendly terms and happily married to other people. In the highly unlikely event that he and I were both single again, I would probably be interested in a less fraternal relationship. The fact that his first daughter is named after me suggests that he probably feels the same way.

There were a few other boys for whom the high school infatuation was very one sided. I look them up from time to time on Facebook just out of idle curiousity.

I never reconnected with an ex from high school, but I did date a guy I went to high school with. All throughout high school, he dated the same girl, so there was never any question. We saw each other at the ten year reunion. We dated briefly, but neither of us was the same person, so it didn't last.

One of my friends married his high school sweetheart. He married her almost ten years after they graduated. They had a tumultous relationship, but now things with them seem really good. After they graduated high school, he went to college out of state (about an hour away) She went to community college. During their freshman year, she got preggers, so they were on and off. Then they got married. They had their rocky times and almost got divorced twice, but they seem really solid now.

ElleBlue:

One of my friends married his high school sweetheart. He married her almost ten years after they graduated. They had a tumultous relationship, but now things with them seem really good.

My brother married (one of) his, after he'd been divorced for years. It's a long, convoluted story, but the bottom line is, it was a disaster. She made all the rules until he couldn't take it anymore and left. She rarely conversed with my family, on the rare occasions she joined us and the even rarer occasions we were welcome over there. My brother is about as social as an otter or a prairie dog. He felt caged the whole time.

Incog Neato,

Did your brother divorce that woman? In the case of my friend, both families sort of pushed their getting married. Especially since there was now a child in the picture. I think that's part of the reason he did get married. His wife was always for marrying him. It was her life goal to marry him. He loves to go out and party. She is very homey. She doesn't come out to the sports bar and she misses a lot of the parties we go to. She also watches what he drinks.

Last time we went to a ball game and tailgated, we had to slip him some beers. She kept thinking he was "nursing" the same beer, until we ran out of Sam Adams and she saw he was now drinking a Pete's Wicked Ale.

Graylodge:

I almost married my highschool sweetheart...

Mon ami, I saw your name and actually got a cold beverage before I pulled up your post. I've come to expect some righteous entertainment from you and, as usual, I am not disappointed.

Let me start out with WOW! or as the french say, LeWOW! How I wish we were sitting together over a cold one so I could press for details. This is one of those stories you only hear about in the movies...or on America's Most Wanted.

Much in the same way I wouldn't exactly say a business deal gone sour was "idiotic", I wouldn't for a romantic deal, either. You took a chance, and what is Life without Risk? It is living in a box and there's plenty of time to do that when you're dead.

Some words that come to mind are: daring, dashing, brave, romantic, ballsy, tough, epic, bold. Here I am thinking you're just some grumpy jaded ol' b*st*rd and come to find out you could be a bodice-ripper cover model! (Take the compliment; I don't read that crap either but I know what it means to those that do.) You don't happen to sport an eyepatch do you? (Think it over: sympathetic attention from the ladies without the Ted Bundy overtones of an arm cast; it could work!)

Just the fact that it was you that made the move cross country instead of enticing her to (like most guys would); that's gold star material right there alone!

So, O Contrary One, let's have it. Go on and argue with me point-by-point about how wonderful and gutsy and visionary a risk-taker you are. I double dog dare you!

(p.s. I don't mean to make light of an obviously negative situation for you but seriously, WOW, you are even awesomer that I suspected. Let me enjoy it.)

ASlyJD:

In the highly unlikely event that he and I were both single again, I would probably be interested in a less fraternal relationship. The fact that his first daughter is named after me suggests that he probably feels the same way.

Yikes! How does his wife feel about that?

ElleBlue:

Incog Neato,

Did your brother divorce that woman?

Yes, and she has since married #3.