Ok, ok....last week was a baddie. Actually, this week has been a bit weird, but not so bad. There is one life lesson that I want to share, having found out the hard way:

Never let anyone convince you that getting a tattoo without using a topical anaesthetic is a good idea. THEY'RE FULL OF CRAP!!!!!!!!! It's true, all true! It freakin' HURTS. That's a NEEDLE, kids. I knew this, and I did it anyway. Yeesh!

Next time, I'm going for the Emla, babies! And I don't want to hear what a wimp I am, either. I sat still for three hours, getting ink on my back from the top of my hips to the bottom of my shoulder blades. If I can do it once...I don't have to do it again. So there.

______________________________­____________

Aunt Messy tried to convince me to let my cousin, Goody Two-Shoes edit this week's SHADDAP!, and even dropped her off here. When the little fart tried to change the title, I offered to teach her how to drive a stick shift and dropped her off at a bar strip downtown. She hasn't made it back yet, but it's only been about 36 hours, so I'm not concerned. I'll tell Aunt Messy where she was last seen on Sunday if she hasn't made it home by then.

1. Wow. Who gets a second chance with their high school boyfriend....Now the big kid's question, who the hell WANTS to?

SHADDAP!

Did you read that letter before you hit "send"? Really? I don't think you did. I don't think you're hearing yourself at all, truthfully.

He isn't just "curious" is he? Even you think this obsession is a little sick, don't you? I mean, normal people ask questions about their supposed loved ones lives, but not like that, am I getting close?

Still, you go along with this. You let him keep you penned up in a room for two hours. You answer the phone when he calls. Even though his way of "asking" you for information that you've already told him you're not going to give him is to keep at you and at you and atyouandatyouandatyou....overa­ndoverandoverandoverandover..

Who told you it was "disrespectful" for you to hang up on him when he harasses you on the phone like this? Was it him? Why do you agree? If he were a stranger that kept calling over and over and..would that be all right? Do you think that would be disrespectful?

In fact, if a stranger did ANYTHING that this "wonderful" man has done to you, wouldn't you have called the police? Yes? Gee, I wonder why?

Here's a rule that you can live by: No one can do anything to you, as an adult, that you do not allow.

To the serious part of this...Lady, you have small children. THEY are your first responsibility.Yes, it's nice to be getting laid after a two year drought. Sure, he's divorcing for your sake (Or is he? Is he telling the truth? Are you sure? Sure she didn't dump his abusive ass?) and you feel like you "owe" him somehow. Or did he tell you that you "owe" him?

Here is one thing I can guarantee if you marry this man. Your children will learn that it's all right to scream at and verbally abuse people. If this relationship is heading to where it seems to be heading, they will learn how to treat a human being like a punching bag. They will learn that you really AREN'T worthy of their respect. As soon as they're able, they will very likely beg to go live with their father or grandparents or anyone that isn't you.

If he abuses them, harasses them or hits them, it will be YOUR FAULT. You are hearing me correctly. If you choose to force them to live with a man that will abuse you, then that's fine. The second that you subject your kids to that, you are no better than he is.

They will learn to hate you if you do this. One day they will leave and never come back. They will do this because you will have destroyed their childhood and damaged them just so you can boink your old flame. Think about this.

Take it from someone whose mother chose to stay with an abuser, they will hate you for it. No kidding.

2. Oy, you poor kid. Dumped. Oh well. But wait, there's more to it than that, isn't there? You think you still have room to negotiate. Texting, "trial periods", letters...

SHADDAP!

When guys say things like "...I think I'm going to let you go at the end of the summer.", it's curtains for the relationship. Really. Guys mean these things when they say them, and nothing you do can change that.

You can't "make" someone love you. Putting out if you haven't yet isn't going to "make" him stay with you. Being perfect and charming and gorgeous all the time won't make him change his mind. It'll make his summer easier, that's it.

In the meantime, do you really want to spend your summer mourning for a relationship that's all over but the shouting? Why would you do that? Don't you deserve to have a little fun without counting the days until he's off screwing someone else?

Call him up. Tell him you'd like to do him a favor and let him get a head start on that college-girlfriend-hunting experience. He can take the whole summer to perfect his lines, get a good haircut and buy a wardrobe. Then tell him that you'll be too busy to help him with any of this, because you'll be out. With someone else.

Do it, you'll feel great. Trust me. Betcha you'll meet someone even nicer inside two weeks.

Listen, kiddo, this falls squarely into the poll I did this week. These are NOT the best years of your life. That's all right, because things are only going to improve.

3. Hoo, boy. This is a conundrum, isn't it? You know what your husband wants. Your husband knows what he wants. What he wants is either not to see his family or to see them for only a short while when he's on leave, right?

Ah, but now you have to tell them...maybe it's time for you to

SHADDAP!

and let your husband do the talking.

Yes, you are the wife and you do indeed have the right to set some limitations on your time with your husband vs. his family's time with them.

Yes, the people on the boards that are telling you that you have no rights and that you have to hand him over to his parents for 100% of his leave are wrong. You do not have to do that.

Your husband has made his wishes clear, but only to you. Ultimately, this is his decision. He knows he's "...fine with not seeing family...." which tells me that he has some issues with them that go well beyond your marriage. But that's all beside the point, isn't it?

You and he have been married for only a short time. I'm guessing that at this point, you don't know his parents particularly well, and that's perfectly normal. Why should you? These things take time, sometimes years. You don't want to give them any excuse now to accuse you of being controlling or mean if that's the way their minds work.

That's why I'm going to err on the side of the politic answer here. Have your husband contact his family and tell them what he wants to do. If he can e-mail you, he can do the same for them. All it will take is a short note.

Maybe suggest that he invite them for a couple of days at the end of his time at home. That allows you both to get your administrative things done and spend some time together as a couple, which is at least as important for him as seeing his parents.

After this, all bets are off. You married HIM, not his parents, and you two are a family now. The two of you will have to arrange your lives to your satisfaction and for your own comfort. Don't allow his parents to intimidate or bully you into giving up control of your lives.

4. Aww....so you dress like a girl sometimes and people notice...You poor baby! I don't know how you stand it!

SHADDAP!

We're in a recession, sugar. Lots of people have lost their jobs, and a lot more will lose their jobs in the coming months. I predict that things are going to get a LOT worse before they get better.

People are losing their homes and their health insurance, darling, and the biggest problem in your life is that people notice when you wear a skirt?

Get over yourself. You aren't that important. In fact, you'd better be working your tail off and making nice to everyone you work with big time, or you'll be wearing your skirt in the unemployment line with the other folks that though their lives would never change.

______________________________­_______________

Oh, dammit, that's Cousin Goody at the door! Whoa, who's that with her? Yeesh, I thought I had ink....Eeew....

Better post now before she sees this....

Oh yes indeedy, my dear Messy. On point again.

1 - "The second that you subject your kids to that, you are no better than he is." Yeppers! What a twathead, huh?

#2 - "Listen, kiddo, this falls squarely into the poll I did this week. These are NOT the best years of your life. That's all right, because things are only going to improve." Oh, you big goddamn softie. You just wanna give a hug and kiss and make it better. No wonder we love you. You bitchslap with oven mitts on sometimes, huh?

#3 - "That's why I'm going to err on the side of the politic answer here."

Hehehehehheh.
Hehehehehahhahahahoohaoooaahah­ahhhahha!
HAHHAHHHOAHOOAHOHOHOOOHOOOHHAH­AHHA!!!

Uh, sorry.

(But...you didn't err, Messy!)

Hehehehehe.

#4 - "...the biggest problem in your life is that people notice when you wear a skirt?" Nah! I have a theory. Slate planted THIS gem, like most others, for a reason. And the reason is so all the guys in the fray could mention that they'd be happy to fuck this little tarty little harlot ragged-senseless in her cute little skirt while offering our sanguine, sagacious responses, all the better to not notice the "ping" of phony Cheezwiz hogfeathered crap-o-la they foist on us by way of "letters" off the bow...

It's just a theaory, see.

Good to read your by-line and find you in such fine fettle, you happy little minx. Tidings to cousin, you, and all of yours!

Schuyler The Cat.

 

I can't believe you went through all that pain and suffering for a tattoo you can't even see, Messy. Me ? I find that an eyepatch gives me that hint of danger and mystery without any unneccessary suffering.

 

P.S. I agree with Shulyer about the skirts - we boys need some excuse to express our masculinity and if you don't like it, you can just....SHADDAP !!!

 

Darling, I used to be a teacher. I'll let you in on the big secret. They issue the eyes in the backs of our heads with the diplomas.

;-)

Now, don't be spreading that "big goddamn softie" rumor too far! I have a reputation to live down to!

Seriously, I just have a hard time yelling that silly teenagers...because they're all silly and everything they encounter is life and death and they'll have to get non-silly soon enough. I kinda like the little buggers...I must, I used to teach high school, right?

Let the record show that I wear skirts (or skorts) all summer. I like them, they're comfy in hot weather. I actually feel sorry for you guys that can't be cool and breezy like that in public. Remind me not to wear one if there's ever a chance this crowd's going to meet.

Oh, Messy, don't be like that. Now if this crowd meets, I'm the only one who's going to be dressed in a miniskirt and corset. :-p Really, over the summer I live in short skirts. One boyfriend I had didn't like them, and I dumped him. My boyfriend now loves them, and he better. ;-)

Glad SHADDAP!'s back. And ignore your cousin. I can't argue with anything you said.

Down here, when it hit 107°F a few years ago, almost everyone dresses for comfort. Many people at work (I think all male, except in production) wear shorts in the summer. I would, but then I'd have to shave more often ...

Also, I'm glad it was you, not me, with the tat. I can't even watch when I give blood!

I'm never getting another tattoo. This one is lovely, it's healing beautifully, and that's it for me. There's brave and there's dumb....and it would be dumb to go through that again. ;-)

Tarquin, back tats are like sexy underwear, they don't need to be seen to make you feel damn sexy and kinda naughty. ;-)

You are right, though, that eye patch of yours is rather dashing...

Maybe it's just me and my need for attention, but if I go through the effort of shaving my legs and wearing a skirt, I really want someone to ask me if I'm going out or what the occasion is. Rather than have some snappy comeback, I just get a big old dumb grin on my face and say "just felt like lookin' hot!"

Oh, i say, AC ! Talk like that brings out the T-Rex in me !  

 

 

Well, maybe not the T-Rex, but certainly the Compsognathus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MessyONE:

I sat still for three hours, getting ink on my back from the top of my hips to the bottom of my shoulder blades. If I can do it once...I don't have to do it again. So there.

Yikes. That's a lot of skin, a lot of needle-buzzing-sticking, a lot of pain, and a lot of ink. Inquiring minds want to know. Traditional dragon? Scene from a movie? Grateful Dead Roses? Skelly?

Aunt Messy tried to convince me to let my cousin, Goody Two-Shoes edit this week's SHADDAP!, and even dropped her off here.

Don't even think about it. She'll come back from the bar some day; or perhaps not.

If he abuses them, harasses them or hits them, it will be YOUR FAULT. You are hearing me correctly. If you choose to force them to live with a man that will abuse you, then that's fine.

That's it; the rest of it doesn't matter; except it's not fine. It's not in any way acceptable. It's just so obvious where this is all headed. If she wants to be with that creep, she should give the kids to her ex or her parents. They'd be safer and better off with random strangers.

Call him up. Tell him you'd like to do him a favor and let him get a head start on that college-girlfriend-hunting experience. Do it, you'll feel great. Trust me. Betcha you'll meet someone even nicer inside two weeks.

Dealing with rejection is a big learning experience - it's not about her but she's the one who has to grow up and move on. She has to quit being a lovesick little waif and pull up her big girl panties. You're absolutely right about that "best part of your life" crap.

You know what your husband wants. Your husband knows what he wants. What he wants is either not to see his family or to see them for only a short while when he's on leave, right?

Your husband has made his wishes clear, but only to you.

I'm not sure she's being honest about what he said to her. The last third of her letter was all "I" and no "we".

Have your husband contact his family and tell them what he wants to do. If he can e-mail you, he can do the same for them. All it will take is a short note .... Maybe suggest that he invite them for a couple of days at the end of his time at home.

I predict the truth will come out once she makes that "suggestion". I bet she was Bridezilla before she became Wifezilla.

4. Aww....so you dress like a girl sometimes and people notice...You poor baby! I don't know how you stand it!

What so odd about that skirt? Is this perhaps a woman with the kind of legs that should never, ever, be exposed to public view? (Inquiring minds might want to know, but they certainly don't want to see.) Is she showing, maybe, a little too much leg? Does the damned skirt at least hide her coochie?

Oh, dammit, that's Cousin Goody at the door! Whoa, who's that with her? Yeesh, I thought I had ink....Eeew....

Let me to tell you about the young woman with 61 piercings. A friend of a friend. She just found out she's pregnant. She said her piercings really turn her boyfriend on.....like that's not obvious by now. She's concerned about breast feeding; wondering if the baby will be trying to drink from a sprinkler. She hadn't considered what the delivery might be like ... She really needs to lose some metallic content and hope she's a fast healer.

Ok, the tattoo...

There are six dancing/fighting goldfish about 2" high each running in a U with the bottom at hip level, the top just below my shoulder blades. One of the fish is blowing bubbles with what looks like a blow dart tube. In the center are two tiny newts.

Just above my right hip is a cat about 2 1/2" high, looking up at the fish.

Both designs are the work of a Japanese caricature artist and date around the 16th century. We saw the watercolors in the Kyoto National Museum, and the shop obligingly sold me postcard reproductions, which is what the design is based on.

There's a fair amount of bare space - there isn't any background design per se. It took three full hours, and I'm glad I did it, but like I said before, it HURT!

I don't get the hoo ha about the skirt myself. I wore them for my entire working life, and I didn't find them more or less comfortable than anything else. One thing suits do for me is make it very clear when I'm working and when I'm not. I wouldn't be comfortable blurring that line. Guess I'm kinda old fashioned that way.

I wonder if that letter was a warning that this crap is not to be taken seriously.

tonto_goldberg:

I'm not sure she's being honest about what he said to her. The last third of her letter was all "I" and no "we".

She said "he ... was fine with not seeing family." That usually means, "I told him I didn't want him to see his family, and he agreed to make me happy."

She also said, "I just don't think that's what my husband needs, and others who have already had their R&R recommend spending all of it together and not trying to see others." This says she didn't really ask him what he needs. I also wonder whether the "others" she asked were people who had served, or the spouses left behind. In either case, is that what they said, or what they finally agreed to, just to shut her up? And are these "others" the majority, or only the ones who [finally] agreed with her?

She can run back home to visit mommie and daddie while hubby spends his time hoping today won't be the one when he gets blown to bits by an IED.

An OIF person wrote in earlier, advising wifey to give him a day to rest up from his trip and then to schedule some activity for every day to keep him from brooding. I hope that woman can read and/or listen. Oy!