i was only dating my now husband when he got back from iraq. he never got R&R as he wasn't over there long enough. he just got out of training and the army assigned him to his unit and he joined them halfway through. no time for R&R. so when he got back, he spent alot of time with his family and i didn't mind. we weren't married so there was no obligation for him to spend all his time with me or my family. i did demand my birthday, tho. :)

but now that we're married, the first thing to do after he is home for R&R or after a deployment is to SERIOUSLY discuss how to spend his time home. if HE wants it just be me and him, then so be it and we'll stand as a united front on it. this wife needs to do the same. why the hell she's writing prudie about it is beyond me. this should ONLY be between her and her husband. if HE says he just wants it to be him and her, HE NEEDS to let his parents know that. if his parents have any sense, they'd understand. to be nice, he should call them to let them know he's home and ok. :)

and he won't be the only one in his unit getting R&R at the time, so if he needs to talk to someone about what the war is doing to him, he knows who to call. esp since he knows that person can truly relate. a vet of a war that started and ended over 30yrs ago CANNOT relate to a kid going through his 4th deployment in 3yrs in iraq now. he can certainly empathize and even sympathize, but unless you want to just share "war stories" and vent, talking to a vet of another war isn't gonna cut it.

i know alot of ppl that come home for R&R and do the whole FAMILY thing, but in reality, what the solider wants is some peace and quiet and a good home cooked meal. a night out here and there with friends and family is a bonus, but not the end all, be all. married soliders are more inclined to just want to hole away with their spouses and kids if they have any. same goes for guys and gals in LT/commited relationships. after being able to escape the hell hole they've been in for 6-8mons for 2wks at home, keeping it quiet and simple is what's needed and wanted in most cases. i've noticed that soliders tend to appreciate the simpler things after a deployment, or 5 as the case may be. the smart ones among us would behoove that and let them come home and recuperate as they see fit. it is THEIR vacation after all. :)

by the by, no need to thank us military personnel and family for anything. it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it! besides, your tax dollars are enough. ;p

I'm glad you wrote in. I enjoy Prudie, but this was definitely a question for the Voice of Experience. I hope other military folks respond so the lw has plenty of perspective. After dating a soldier and then later a sailor, I now realize there are just some things about military life that only military families "get."

:) Jen

I must respond to Devy's question as to "Why would this gal write Prudie about something that should only be between her and her hubby". I had to laugh considering this is a column dedicated to helping individuals with problems in their lives and YES, most of it is personal.

By the way, it is nice to hear a thankyou for all the hard work our soldiers are doing on a daily basis....tax dollars are never enough, and a kind word of thanks is always appreciated. You see, I am also a military wife of 15 years.

Devy seems to know whats needed for every soldier returning home from R/R. I on the other hand do not. My husband and I had time alone and with family during this break. I have friends that have done the same and others that have chose to be just the two of them and the kiddos. To each his own.