1) Wow. This certainly sounds like a healthy relationship. It sounds like you got divorced, went searching for a guy you dated when you were 15 or 16, got him to dump the mother of his children, and now you are upset because he seems obsessive. Get out. Now. This isn’t healthy for either of you, and it certainly isn’t healthy for either of your kids. If you go through with it, I see in five years a letter complaining that he beats you, that one of you is cheating and the other can’t understand why, or that you want to know how to make his kids love you after breaking up their parents’ marriage. And get some counseling. You’re nuts.

2) It may sound like a good idea now to try to stay together, but it really is hard to maintain a long distance relationship, even under the best of circumstances. Let him go for now. You both are going to be around unattached people with plenty of opportunities to go out with some of them. Rather than resenting each other for what you are missing out on, wondering if the other is “cheating” or feeling guilty yourself for dating someone else and not telling, just let it go. When he comes back for breaks, you can go out again. You may find when he does come back that you are both very different people from who you are now. He is showing wisdom. Emotionally it’s hard, but it will hurt less than resentment or guilt.

3) Your husband needs to set the rules here. He needs to write or e-mail his parents, and tell them when they can come see him. He doesn’t need to give long explanations. If they show up outside of the proscribe dates, just tell them you are sorry, but you have made other plans. It would be cruel to completely exclude them from his time home.

4) What’s the big deal? I usually answer such comments with sarcasm. For example, “Yes, my boyfriend and I are eloping after work,” works well if you are already married. Or you can simply tell them you felt like wearing something a little nicer today than your usual attire. In truth, they are wondering if you are going to a job interview at lunch.

Hey IncogNeato,

I especially love your reply to #3. It's definitely up to the husband to handle this one. And he's also the one who needs to address the parents if they show up outside the prescribed time. The wife (or any in-law spouse in these situations) is at a significant disadvantage and shouldn't be required to engage them regarding any unpleasant tasks.

Additionally, it's funny to me how we (humans) often work things up so thoroughly before they even happen that we rarely take time to experience them during the actual occurence. I have a feeling all will work out if the husband will just engage his folks and let them know what he's hoping for upon his return. There plenty of room for everone in due time during R&R.

You hit them all on the head this week, Neato!!

#1 - they both sound like fruit cakes and WILL NOT end up good! He's scary controlling and she's pathetic co-dependent.

#2 - I actually love Prudie's answer to this one. Sorry honey, you don't have a choice on making it work or not, your bf just dumped you!

#3 - Hubby has to take a front seat on this one and wife needs to respect whatever decision he makes. If the travel isn't more than a couple of hours, I suggest they go to the in law's house. This way they don't have to try to kick out unwilling guests. They can make their excuses and leave whenever they want.

#4 - Why does Prudie constantly give us junk for the last question? They really are silly and not worth a response.

i especially like your response to R&R . .. better than mine by far. yes, it is the husband's responsibilty to rein in his boorish father, and establish some boundaries.

asking prudie to intervene is overkill at this stage.

and seeking a no contact order against the parents is also overkill.