I don't see how LW's boyfriend is pre-stalking. That is a huge, huge jump. I don't like the description of a 2-hour interrogation and I think that seems a bit obsessive but there are other reasons why he might want the details short of being controlling or otherwise insane. Everyone is wired differently and maybe he gets off hearing her sexual past. If she does not share that (not unhealthy at its core) fetish, then they are not necessarily compatible and perhaps should part. If he wants to know because he wants to have completely open books (perhaps his first wife was very, very closed and that was one reason why he is leaving her for the LW), that is not necessarily a problem. I know that this is not the prevailing opinion on the comments but I just think Prudence jumped way to far based on the information in the letter.

[also: I was the teenage letter writer on both sides - when I was 16, my then-girlfriend went to college; when I was 18, my then-girlfriend and I went to college; my wife is that 18-year-old girlfriend but, as the above letter suggests, we had a don't ask, don't tell policy in college. the deal was, if we got involved with someone who impacted our relationship, we'd tell each other person; that was 22 years, 16.5 years of marriage and 4 kids ago]

The sexual fetish idea is an interesting angle but i suspect it is more likely that he just doesn't trust her very much because their relationship originated from a betrayal on both sides.

Sorry, but the "both agree that's disrespectful" and "making sure I do nothing harmful to myself" touches are very telling. This guy is an all-controller, and having given up his first wife, he feels everything is owed to him. And if the querent doesn't like being interrogated for literally hours on end, how does it being a turn-on fetish for the guy make the situation one bit better? It's just going to get worse, isn't it? I don't know if he'll ever actually stalk her or beat her -- nobody can be sure of a thing like that -- but this really is how a lot of stalkers and beaters start out, and in any case, the relationship is already far too unhealthy. She should run, and think real hard before breaking up anyone else's marriage.

Maybe the LW needs to interrogate the first wife.

That is exactly what I am thinking. Did the guy really divorce his current wife for the LW or is that what he told her? I also think perhaps LW should interrogate he boy-friend as well, see how he responds to table turning. (I feel the one should be able to take what they dish.)

I'd be careful interrogating him because if he is psycho he won't take kindly to her turning the tables.