Bonnie, please look into this for your son's sake. Your son most likely has the "inattention" form of ADD. It runs in my family too. My nephew is remarkably like your son (high test scores, low class rank) and even flunked out of UW-Madison. He was diagnosed last year and is doing much better now. My daughter also has it, but is only in 5th grade, so we'll see.

By the way, none of this is your fault, nor is it his fault. It's genetic.

Good luck.

He does not seem to have ADD or AD/HD to concentrate hours at a length and the task of playing XBox... Not anyone fault, genetics: God forbid one take responsability for one own behaviour or the one of her/his children... What gives low ranking to high test people is that they find themselves excuses not to do the work others will accept as what it is due. Hope you realise that the rest of the world outside 21st America is living with thousand of years and millions of smart students in developping countries not having hear of the latest excuse for not following through. I am sorry for your daughter medical condition but hope you choose some cognitive/behavioural therapy and not look at medications only.

Oh, come on.

Personal responsibility is at a historical low in this country. Everything that is in your life can be affected by you to some extent; you therefore have the responsibility to affect it as much as you can to benefit yourself.

But, focusing again, a boy who can't concentrate in school is not necessarily suffering from a genetic condition - of any kind. School may simply be boring, lacking in conflict, challenge, and struggle. Which explains why this same boy can concentrate on video games replete with the same characteristics.

The way to help a boy who is struggling in school is to fill his life with struggle, conflict, challenge - and support - so that when the time to concentrate on less enjoyable subjects comes around he has already learned the life lessons that allow him to patiently sit through something unpleasant.

Not to prescribe him a regimen of pills.

I just couldn't believe no one had pointed out this possibility to her (the mother), though they had pointed out everything else under the sun, and wanted to include it.

ADD kids (and this guy isn't a kid anymore) often do something really well and can focus completely on it, like xbox or reading. The orchestra can have a great string section, but it's the conductor that's missing, or, at least, that's one metaphor for it. Reading is usually fine, but writing is usually not. Complex writing requires that 'conductor' upstairs more than complex reading. Things that require an immediate response are usually fine (games, multiple-choice tests), but things that require planning, prioritizing, analysis and careful execution are not.

What separates ADD kids from others, who just aren't applying themselves or concentrating for one reason or another, is their ability to do it when they really really need to. When the mom writes about 'putting a gun to his head' to get him to write his application essays and he can only put down a few simple sentences, that's when I thought this was a distinct possibility.

That said, I haven't even mentioned medication. It's not the most important thing here. The diagnosis is. Whether a son or nephew or daughter decides to take medication, is secondary. What you learn after a diagnosis is to take a good look at current abilities and say, "This may be it." Then you look at areas where this child might do well, and it may or may not include college.

Sigh. One last post by one increasingly disgusted psychotherapist.

Nothing to indicate that this boy has anything other than somewhat prolonged adolescence. It's a cultural phenomena, it cuts across social classes and plays out in many ways, and this woman has had enough moronic feedback in here to sink the titanic.

I hope you read this, Bonnie. Go have a good, bracing walk today and try to remember that we are a sort of giant Jerry Springer show. America, I mean. You wouldn't listen to those horrible people, would you? Just you have a nice day, too, and do your best. you are plenty good enough Mom, no one is mentally ill, and things will work out well and badly, in turns. It's life. Read an Ann Tyler novel! Anything.

As a teacher I'm always skeptical about ADD & AD/HD claims because so much of the time it seems to be used as an excuse for lousy parenting. So much easier to say that their children are AD/HD, and that's why they are completely out of control, than to say that it's the result of bad parenting. It's genetic, so it's not my fault! Out of all hundreds upon hundreds of ADD/ADHD,etc, kids that I've come into contact with, I'd say about 5 of them really did have genetic problems, while the rest were just spoiled rotton brats.

Reminds me of a story that I heard about a crusty old teacher who had been teaching since practically the dawn of time talking to some parents. The parents had a kid that was completely out of control and was constantly causing trouble at school. Teacher tells the parents that their kid has NHAK disorder. Parents get all excited (it's truly scary how excited and overeager many parents get when they think their kid has a disorder) and are all, "ooooh what's that? What kind of medicine should we get? etc" Teacher says, "It's a widespread disorder that you see in many modern children, but it's easily treatable if steps are taken to remedy the problem." Mom (all excited): "What does NHAK stand for?" Teacher: "Needs His Ass Kicked." Supposedly it's a true story, but who knows.

Wow. Speaking as a parent of a son who was medically diagnosed as ADD (no hyperactivity), and has benefitted from meds, which are not a miracle solution but help, I am appalled at some of the comments here. Yes, ADD/ADHD is overly diagnosed, but for people who really do suffer from it, including my son and husband, to tell them they just need their ass kicked is ignorant, cruel, and destructive. It's a hard thing to live with. The last thing they need is morons telling them they are lazy. The most important thing for an ADD person to find is the career that is right for them. Once focused, they tend to do very well. My husband is a PhD. My son had a major academic turn around when he switched from sciences to studio art. As for you who haven't had to deal with this in your perfect little families, mind your own business!

confetti:

[W]e are a sort of giant Jerry Springer show.

Maybe. But the people who willingly go on Springer deserve pretty much what they get. And frankly, I don't see much difference between people responding with disgust and contempt and exasperation at Goldtein and your disgusted contemptuous and exasperated finger-waggling at them--except that theirs seems to be a bit more, well, authentic--if you don't mind the term.

Thank you, confetti. I'm a psychotherapist, too, and I've had the exact same reaction to these postings. I also have the exact same response to the article as you have.

As for the ADD dx, there's no way in the world this mother hasn't already checked her son out, many many years ago, for ADD of the non-hyperactive variety, which I have and which is fairly rampant among her (and my) ethnic group. Whether he does or doesn't have it is immaterial to the point she was trying to make in the article and an invasion of his privacy, so if he does, she left it out.

It doesn't matter what the online newspaper, magazine, or ISP is; online articles bring out the Jerry Springer crowd.

I expect the possibility that the young man has the primarily inattentive form of ADHD was considered, as it should have been. (The NIMH estimates 5-15% of school kids have a neurologically-based developmental or specific learning disability.) But the notion that lousy parents are to blame for inattentive kids is a convenient cop out. The one-size-fits-all K-12 educational system (which characteristically teaches to the last generation-- the way the Pentagon teaches how to fight the last war) isn't meeting the EDUCATIONAL needs of way too many kids. This young man is intelligent and was clearly unmotivated by his high school teachers. His counselor did not know him. He got by, with the help of involved parents, in spite of the school-system, and not because the "education professionals" did a commendable job.

The mom blames herself for being a "helicopter parent." Others are blaming her or the kid. But 80% of the time, it's the system that's broken. And studies are showing that kids with regularly involved parents get more out of college.