perhaps i'm totally in the minority here but i think the bride should be completely exonerated of all of the sass that prudie dished out. it's HER wedding. if someone very involved in the wedding, who was going to be in a lot of pictures, was going to wear something inappropriate i would definitely be a little upset and want to know what to do. prudie's advice was extremely patronizing and totally unhelpful. she wrote for advice, not sarcasm! to prudie: your point was made. yes, the mother-in-law has been kind. yes, youth should know it's place. yes, relationships are more important than sartorial choices in the end. but that doesn't mean a bride doesn't have the right be concerned about something like this. give advice! what can she actually do here?

i've never been a bride but i'm a bridesmaid this september and just helping my friend get ready for this happy event has been incredibly eye-opening and exhausting. don't fault a person for being human.

my advice for the bride? i think she should talk to her fiance and see what he thinks. would his mom be receptive to direction? what if the bride told the MIL that she would really like the be more involved in her dress choice and invited her to go shopping with her? then the bride could point out the kinds of dresses she likes for her MIL. also, it sounds like the MIL doesn't know the bride knows about her dress choice yet. the bride could call/email the MIL with a list of styles that would be "just beautiful" on the MIL. flattery and interest could always diffuse the situation. especially if the mother-in-law is as wonderful as prudie and the bride have deemed her to be.

green:

but that doesn't mean a bride doesn't have the right be concerned about something like this. give advice! what can she actually do here?

If you want serious advice, here it is. Ready? There's NOTHING the bride can do. You don't get to choose the clothes of every person you invite to your wedding and that's just the end of it.

MIL already chose her dress. At this point bringing the subject up will do no good except possibly spoil the relationship between her and her MIL.

From the sound of the letter, it's too late to suggest that the MIL go out shopping with the bride and they pick out the dress together. That's what the bride should have done in the first place.

As for Prudie's advice... I have to admit, sarcasm doesn't help the situation, but her point was hidden in there with the dry remarks: The bride can do nothing. At this point in time, it's too late to do anything about the dress, and there's nothing polite she can say to discourage the MIL. This is just one of those situations where someone should have thought of this beforehand if it was going to be such a big deal. Or a situation where someone needs to learn not to dwell too much on the little things in life.

I would argue that the sarcasm was a warranted slap to the face of someone who thinks its okay to tell her MIL that a dress is "too young" for her. The LW did not say that MIL was wearing something crazy, like a tube top and mini skirt; she only said that the dress was designed for someone her age, and not her 51 y.o. MIL. I think a little jolt in the manners is appropriate for someone who wants to tell their MIL to "dress their age."

She's behaving like a jackass and spoiling what should be a fun event, not only for her, but for everyone around her.

Going to weddings where some moron is micro-managing every second of the day (15 minute intervals? You're kidding, right?) is boring, tedious, and guaranteed to destroy friendships and alienate you from people that are supposed to be your family. Anyone who did that to their guests wouldn't be getting any invitations to an event of mine.

A wedding is a family event. It is NOT the "bride's day". It is the day when you enter a legal contract in front of witnesses. In the past, it was to signify that the bride is no longer under the protection of her family, but the groom's. Hospitality demands that you put your guests ahead of yourself. They are more important than you.

All you have to do is show up in time for the vows, then go to a party. If you choose not to do that, that's your problem, but you do not have the right to behave badly, and you do not have the right to order people around and treat them like your Barbie collection.

The 15 minute thing is another letter. Mea culpa.

It's still stupid, though.

The LW got what she deserved. One can only hope she's bright enough to "get" the sarcasm. It sounds to me like there's more money than intelligence being applied to the situation.

Here's what Prudie's LW said: "I wanted to get to the bottom of this, as my mother-in-law had not even informed me that she had purchased anything. So, after the party, I sent her an e-mail, and she sent me a picture of the dress. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My 51-year-old mother-in-law has picked out a dress with a wispy skirt, a V-neck, and spaghetti straps."

The choice of words is telling here. "...get to the bottom of this" ... would imply some evil conspiracy. Did she want her husband's mother to show up in one of those cute prairie numbers like the FLDS women?

You said: "....it's HER wedding. if someone very involved in the wedding, who was going to be in a lot of pictures, was going to wear something inappropriate i would definitely be a little upset and want to know what to do...it sounds like the MIL doesn't know the bride knows about her dress choice yet. the bride could call/email the MIL with a list of styles that would be "just beautiful" on the MIL."

Bad choice of words on your part there. Who is to say the dress is inappropriate? As a very smart friend of mine once said, there's no right way to do the wrong thing.

Under the circumstances, I am inclined to believe the bride's future MIL should be giving the bride advice on style and grace rather than the bride trying to dictate what her MIL should wear. A little sit-down to explain that there is going to be a wedding and not some farcical theatrical pageant might help Bridezilla get some perspective.

I hope her fiance reads this letter, breaks off the wedding with this control freak and spares himself a costly divorce. Can you imagine being married to this woman?

"V-neck" - yikes! Old women should wear veils!

It's very easy to quickly criticize this LW, but maybe we could give her a break. LW is 25 years old. That's pretty young for a woman to marry by today's standards. Plus, she might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. (Just guessing here.) This may be her only chance to shine and be in control of a huge production and lesser players - just like a movie star! If her own mother is spying and reporting back to her daughter, I'm guessing that LW may be used to being a victim of manipulation. This whole thing is actually very depressing. Let's just wish them luck.

Big burlap bags, with maybe a trash bag over the top to hide any possible outline of a figure that's hiding in there.

Yeah, since when is it all about the bride? What about the families that are being joined together? Or, you know, the groom? Or the audience of friends and family? Or the other people in the wedding party? She is not the only one up there.

Bridezilla needs to chill out on the control-freak judgmental attitude. Live and let live, and relax the death-grip. In all my friend's weddings, the best ones were the ones where everyone just relaxed, didn't freak out over colors or timing too much, and just had a fun day and let it all go.

Super high expectations are pre-meditated resentments. Not a good way to start out a new life, don't you think?

Oh yeah I almost forgot...

Since when is 51 old enough to dress like an old maid?! My mom is 54 and she looks fantastic! I only hope I look that good (like a real person, she's never had anything done, just sunshine, swimming, and lots of laughs with our family) when I'm her age. Bring on the sexy lady clothes for "older" women!!!!

As someone previously said, the LW is young. Too young to understand that this about a marriage - not all about the wedding day. When the wedding day is over - the marriage starts... and so does the MIL relationship. While it would have been a good idea to take the MIL out dress shopping, she did not do that and now has to live with the consequences. She should find a diplomatic NICE way to ask her about getting another dress. Maybe take her out shopping for clothes to wear on the Honeymoon and happen to find a "suitable" dress for MIL to wear. Really play up how nice it looks on her. Maybe MIL is wanting to dress her best and feels nice and pretty in this dress - although DIL thinks differently. I think that although there are nice ways to get a new dress on MIL, it doesn't seem that this Bride to be wants to be nice about it. I picture her throwing a fit and stomping her feet and screaming, 'But it's MY day!!!' until everyone agrees with what she wants....

oh and I forgot to mention - since when is 50+ too old to pick out your own clothes. It depends on the dress (ex 50 dressing with mid rift showing or showing underwear, etc.) but when does a woman get too old to pick out their own clothes? I have 86 year old relatives that could wear whatever they wanted to my wedding, as long as they showed up wearing clothes :-) . If MIL looks decent and isn't exposing herself, bride needs to be happy that she's getting married and enjoy the day without freaking out about what everyone is wearing. Is she going to tell the guests what to wear also?

I had two weddings. My advice is to enjoy the ceremony and reception. The amount of time I wasted with photos in my first wedding robbed me of the opportunity to spend time with friends and family. Photos, I might add, that were destroyed in Katrina.

At my second wedding, I had a photographer take just a few formal shots, and the rest were candid shots. It allowed me to spend time with my family, rather than the photographer.

My point is, it's silly to worry about clashing colors or spaghetti straps when the point is to enjoy yourself and provide an atmosphere where your guests feel comfortable. When you look back at your wedding, the static photos will have less impact than the vivid memories of , in my case, my mother in law picking her nose while having a solo dance with my future husband. You see, you can't control everything so why bother trying?