Prudence- you were out of line with your sarcastic response to the bride-to-be who was distressed about her future MIL's choice of dresses for the wedding day. As a professional wedding coordinator, I've seen this concern before.

Was the bride putting to much weight on someone else's wardrobe- yes, but brides tend to care about the details of their special (hopefully one-time-only) day.

Typically, mothers at weddings aren't expected to wear matching dresses like the bridesmaids, groomsmen, or other attendants. However, while her MIL has the right to choose something she finds flattering, it would not have been inappropriate for the bride to request that the mothers wear similar colors that coordinated with the theme of the wedding. Typically dads wear matching tuxes or suits, so of course its natural for the mothers to coordinate as well. Before my wedding, I sent a swatch of fabric to my future MIL and my mom. I told them to choose whatever style they wanted, but that I would like it if were long and in that color. I offered to buy fabric for them if they needed me to. They were happy to comply and both looked lovely in their own style on my wedding day. The BRIDE and GROOM are the ones who are supposed to stand out at a wedding, not the MIL. By wearing a bright color among all the muted tones, that women would have jumped out in all the pictures.

It's still the bride's big day, not the MIL's. Yes, brides can be ridiculous, but this was not an outlandish concern. The one thing I have to say in defense of the MIL is that the bride should have requested that the MIL choose an outfit within a certain color scheme months earlier (before an order was placed) so that the MIL didn't have to guess or think the bride didn't care.

Your sarcastic response makes it sound like you have personally taken offense when someone asked you to comply. It's not a big deal and a little compromise could go a long way to having a healthy, familial relationship between the two women down the road.

Robin egg blue is muted. The pink her own mother will be wearing will jump out in the pictures.

"As a professional wedding coordinator, I've seen this concern before."

I know it's your job to cater to all of these pampered bridezilla types, and even to encourage them as they struggle to assert control over every aspect of "their special day", but there are boundaries that adults set on themselves and on other people. Criticizing the future mother-in-law's dress in a whiny self-centered manner is bound to offend most of us.

I liked Purdie's response, but you have your job to do.

I guess that depends on the shade of pink. baby pink is paler (more muted) than robin egg blue- which is typically a brighter version of baby blue. Bright pink would be awful. Frankly, I think her color scheme is ugly, but it's still hers to choose.

Like I said, talking about this in advance would have prevented the problem.

As far as catering to bridezillas, yeah, that's part of the job to a degree. But part of the job is also to try to help them be reasonable so that they don't make their families nuts. I won't work for someone who is truly ridiculous. I have to cater to my own sanity first and really bad bridezillas don't treat their coordinators any better than their own families. Generally though, a little "guidance" early in the planning stages mellows some of these drama queens. Communication is the key!!!

I'd be willing to be that unless the bride personally micromanaged and slected the MILs (who apparently want to add and F to that capitalization) wardrobe, there would be no pleasing her. It's either going to be horrendous or "she' trying to show me up on my wedding day."

This is why a growing number of wedding parties now choose to serve alcohol at the reception.

PS- I usually like Purdie's responses, but I have to agree with someone's post on a different thread today... her invalidation of someone's feelings gets old sometimes. While this concern is very trivial in the grand scheme of things, it mattered enough to this woman to write in. Couldn't she convey the same message (it doesn't matter what your MIL wears) with less sarcasm? Sarcasm rarely helps any situation.

Don't get me wrong- I enjoy sarcasm in a joking situation, but this person was upset about something. Stupid as it may be, her feelings were still in it. Tact would have been a better, more mature approach.

Someone else wrote about the problems that happen when people with no real taste try and dictate what everyone else ought to wear. Maybe the guests ought to start drinking before the ceremony.

That's true. Baby pink at times could be more muted than robin egg blue. I was thinking fushia "Ay curumba!"

Anyway, it is good that you won't work with anyone who's ridiculous. One of my ex-friends was a ridiculous Bridezilla and it ended her friendship with one of the bridesmaids. My friendship with her ended shortly after. She acted like a wench! She insisted we all have french braids One of the girls had short hair and she told her to grow her hair a bit. When the girl didn't yield enough hair with just a few months notice, Bridezilla insulted her. She showed up with a twist and Bridezilla told her she looked ridiculous. There was something wrong with my dress. The lady took it in and it was still big. Bridezilla made fun of my "funny shape". She was obnoxious about the way all the festivities took place, and throughout the entire reception, our poor boyfriends sat alone, because she busied us with "protocol". I didn't get to dance with my boyfriend once and I barely got to eat.

make you wonder why more wedding receptions don't end with the bride being 'bitch slapped' by the bridesmaids and the groom running for the exit screaming for their lawyers to draw up the annulment papers. After seeing exhibitions like this, why would you want to be married to her.

I kind of agree with you.

The bride should have given more guidance and more notice.

The FMIL should have been sensitive to the color scheme of the wedding.

With the situation the way it is now, the bride should shut up and deal with it.

parker:

The bride should have given more guidance and more notice.

I think the root problem is that the bride wants to give too much guidance.

parker:

The FMIL should have been sensitive to the color scheme of the wedding.

The FMIL(F?) isn't in the wedding party, therefore should only adhere to the color scheme that makes her look the best for HER, HER HUBBY and HER SON.

parker:

With the situation the way it is now, the bride should shut up and deal with it.

Are you kidding me? This heifer will be inundating Prudie's in-box for the next three years, to wit:

"My mother-in-law gave my husband and me the crappiest first anniversary present ever. I can't believe she had the nerve to give us the Lake Tahoe cabin when she knew I wanted the Redondo Beach getaway."

"My mother-in-law actually wanted to hold my newborn baby within 30 days of it being born. I feel this encroaches on my maternal bonding with my baby."

"My mother-in-law has gone too far this time. For my baby's first birthday party, I specifically mandated that the official colors will be Cobalt Blue and Macaw Green. This bitch had the nerve to show up with a present wrapped in Titanium Midnight Blue and GEICO Gecko Green."

blah blah blah

My irritation stemmed more from her description of the cut of the dress, rather than the color.

I dont know why mothers of the bride are expected to wear long gown things or suits, in pastels or neutral earth tones, but its ridiculous! My mom's dress for my wedding is just below the knee, has a somewhat deep v-neck and has tank style straps. Its teal with a black chiffon overlap Is it a mother of the bride type look? No way!! But does my mom look elegant, beautiful and yes, even sexy in it? Definately. And why shouldnt she?

What is the deal with brides needing to make sure that mothers and mothers-inl-aw look "matronly"?

All well and good. However, had the bride wanted any control over her mil's choice, she should have offered, long before, to go shopping with her for a dress.

don't seem to understand that they will age, too, one day. i HATE HATE HATE the idea of people using the phrase age-appropriate. It's an antiquated concept. People should wear things that are appropriate to their particular shape and looks. Some 60 year olds can wear things that some 30 year olds shouldn't.

But unfortunately, many (if not most) Americans seem to have awful taste. Some of the stuff you see on the shelves is so disgustingly tacky that you have to wonder in what level of hell the designer who made it resides. There is a huge difference between artistically expressing yourself through your clothes (which may not be to everyone's taste, but still makes sense as a 'look') and just being all out tacky. or showing copious amounts of flabby flesh that doesn't make you look sexy, just fat, tacky and ugly.

But I'm not saying that everyone doesn't have a right to wear it. I have absolutely no patience for micromanaging bridezillas. All that crap about your "special day" etc... is just emotionally manipulated marketing by all the businesses who make money off of weddings- flowers, caterers, venues, dressmakers, event planners, etc...

The bride isn't crazy in having expected her FMIL ("F" is for "Future", not some other profanity) to have checked in with her and/or her mother before chosing a dress, and particularly a color. The mothers, after all, are a big part of a traditional wedding. However, the bride did fail in guiding the proper communication. Like most things related to a wedding, the rules of ettiquette, are helpful in setting expectations for behavior.

Here's what Emily Post recommends to the mothers - note that the mother's dresses are the mother's choices, but that they should be made in light of the style and colors of the wedding: (<link>)

What’s a Mother to Wear? (Almost) Anything!

Naturally, you want to look terrific on the day your daughter or son gets married—because while it’s true that all eyes will be on the bride, they’ll also be on you. The old concept that both moms are supposed to look matronly was retired long ago, along with the adage that the mother of the groom should wear beige. These days, virtually anything goes—formal gown, short or long dress, skirt-and-jacket ensemble—so long as it matches the style of the wedding and stays within the limits of good taste. Some guidelines to keep in mind:

• Choose a color that will blend nicely with the dresses of the wedding party.
• Avoid wearing white. This color is reserved for the bride. If you want to wear a light color, choose a pastel in a light or medium tone.
• Traditionally, the bride’s mother has the honor of selecting her outfit first.
• The mother of the groom, in picking her outfit second, should ideally wear a different color from the bride’s mother. When in doubt, she should go with a soft or neutral color, rather than an excessively bold color.
• The mothers do not have to wear dresses of equal length, although many choose to do so in order to create a more harmonious look—especially in wedding photos.

Wedding Outfit Wisdom: Top Five Tips

1. A specialty store, rather than a department store, will offer much more personalized attention throughout the process—from choosing a dress to making alterations to selecting just the right undergarments.
2. If possible, bring in a swatch of the bridesmaids’ gown material when you go shopping, or have a description of the gown’s color.
3. Order your outfit at least two to three months ahead of time, and allow at least two weeks for alterations.
4. When buying your dress, get specific advice on which undergarments and hose will go best with it.
5. As for who calls whom to discuss ‘our outfits,’ the mother of the groom shouldn’t stand on ceremony; if she hasn’t heard anything once the initial wedding plans are underway, she’s perfectly welcome to call the mother of the bride.