Dear DPers,
Today I'm reminded of my Grandma, who lived to be 99, and passed away the night before her 100th birthday. Her 102nd would have been Monday. She was a farm housewife who didn't drink or smoke, whose only curse was "Holy Moses!"
She ran the farm by herself after Grandpa died, until age 95; tore-ass around Fayette County, topping out at 90 mph in a tidy Ford they'd bought with $300 worth of silver coins they'd saved over the years, and even when she was being waited on hand and foot at a wonderful Friends' home, she kept insisting that we take her "home." If you asked her the secret to a long life, she'd tell you, "hard work, and plenty of it."

She sewed us nightgowns for our birthdays, and took the scraps to make us quilts for Christmas. She knew each of our favorite pies and you can bet there was a fresh slice waiting for us after dinner. She raised 5 kids, buried her oldest (my dad), took in her youngest when she showed up pregnant and unmarried, and helped her raise the baby. She had 17 grandchildren who gave her 28 great grandchildren (more have since followed). I never once heard her complain or speak badly about anyone. In fact, quite the opposite. She felt life had given her a good hand all around, and we felt she'd played it well. She loved all her kids and treated them pretty much equally, and even divided up her assets equally in her will. And yet, even she was compelled to have the priest at her funeral admonish my aunts and uncles for feuding. She even wrote it into her will, which of course, was never executed because one of my uncles is suing one of my aunts over it.

My point is that no matter how good you are as a parent, no matter what example you set, you're going to wake up one morning and say "WTF!" errr, Holy Moses! ...which is sorta what crosses my mind (frequently) as I formulate this weeks Isolutions:

Dear Prudie,
WTF? Errr, Holy Moses! How did my Mr. Wonderful raise such a bitch of a daughter?
signed,
I just wanted one big happy

Dear Iso do, too,
Did you meet his ex wife? Maybe she's the author of the "personality disorder."
signed,
Iso don't diagnose over the Intertubes, but it sounds like she's used to leading Daddy Nice Guy around by the nose.

Dear Prudie,
Holy Moses! Who will raise my beautiful baby when my husband and I die in a horrible fiery crash? My friends are just friends and too far away for my old parents to visit.
signed,
Never Heard Of Godparents

Dear Now You Have,
Lucky for you and your kids, parents used to die a lot more often back when we were setting up the rules for this culture. Most of us choose godparents before the child's birth, but you're allowed to play catch-up and your friends will most likely be flattered.

If you die in a horrible fiery crash before your kid is in grade school, you should have already gotten term life insurance in an amount large enough to cover a nanny, good schools and nice clothes for the kid, set up within a revocable living trust, in the trusteeship of whoever is lucky enough to get to help him grow into a man. (Don't put it in the child's name directly!) I have a feeling even your parents would be able to manage under those circumstances. When your son is older, you may decide to change the trust, especially as circumstances change. So let him be part of that decision. And make sure he spends time at the home of whoever you choose as his godparents.
signed,
Iso would do it!

Dear Prudie,
Please help me not make the dumbass mistake that will herald my growing up to be the kind of dumbass who writes to you in adulthood.
Signed,
Impulse or Common Sense?

Dear Iso pick Common Sense,
Can you give me a time and place for when these friends of yours plan to jump off a cliff, because we at DP Fray are willing to pay good money to watch. Thanks.
signed,
Iso would hate to see you scorned by your whole school when your crush's girlfriend launches her new web site, "Impulse Is A WHORE!!!"

Dear Prudie,
I hang out with a bunch of old biddies who can't remember each other's names. Unfortunately they can all read, so they want me to wear a dumb old name tag so people will think I'm an old biddy too. I am so young and hip I once shook Hilllary's hand but I forgot a camera.
signed,
Please Say I'm Right and They're Rude

Dear WTF is a hot young gal like you doing hangin with those forgetful old hags,
It's a fucking piece of paper intended to help decent people who just want to be your friends. Grow up. And if you shred yours I will personally stick a new one on your back where you can't see it. Or reach it with your arthritic arms.
signed,
Iso can't believe I need to tell a 60-something woman to pretend she's an adult for an afternoon.

"Please help me not make the dumbass mistake that will herald my growing up to be the kind of dumbass who writes to you in adulthood."

I doubt that helicopter mommie can decide just exactly who would be deserving of raising her precious new baby right now. Maybe after a few months when she's over the post-partum weirdness she can think a little clearer. Maybe not.

Mrs. Goldberg and I are designated guardians for a couple adopted kids. The kids picked us when they were toddlers; it's kind of a zen thing. It's also a rather long story and not suitable for this forum. They have godparents as well since the priest insisted on Catholic godparents and I couldn't fake that.

Holy Moses that was good! Cheers!

Fabulous, as always!

I hope to be like her some day, except I smoke & cuss like a Marine.

Iso,

I'm guessing that is Fayette Cty GA, so we are practically neighbors
('cept I moved to Europe a few years ago.)

Damn, if i don't hear you about the family thing. Why are siblings so ass*olish about all things to do with death?!? My g-pappy died not too long ago, and damn if everybody who are my aunts and uncles didn't act like it was f*ing Hatfields and McCoys. Made my decision to move to Europe that much easier.

And I thought I loved my family - really did. But great expectations are doomed to be dashed, I suppose. Good thing, I also had myself to rely on, and saw that as my saving grace. As well, I have a family of my own, and I hope to whoever we don't end up up like my current elders.

Just sayin...

Very nice, Iso, as always.

I had a discussion with my friend recently about the godparent issue. While I was baptized, I don't know who my godparents are-we have a large, close family and group of friends. I've never really thought to ask. There was no assumption that the job would include raising me should anything have happened to my folks. It was mostly a matter of committing to spiritual guidance and support, and they've all been there for that, pretty much.

I guess the level of active involvement of the godparent in the child's life depends on the family, the church, and the relationship between the parents and the godparents over the years. I think the expectations were relatively low in my case.

By the way, I wouldn't mind if people stuck a nametag on me at most gatherings I go to. I truly love people, but of late names have not been my strong suit. I would be happy if nametags were the biggest bone of contention regarding an event I was helping to plan!

Take care...

I'm not usually a DP reader, but I made an exception today. I really might have to make it a regular habit so I can better appreciate your response posts. Well done.

I mean, we've all been in that hallway, leaning against the locker and sighing. High school SUCKS. But it's as good a place to learn not to be an idiot as can be had.

She doesn't yet realize that you give up your right to control your kid's life once you're gone. Who knows, maybe the people she's most worried about would actually end up being the better choice? Life's a crapshoot anyway, but don't tell the young'uns.

I don't know much about guardianships, but anytime you want to tell the story, you know where to find me. I think it's great that you're willing to take on such a responsibility, but I'm not surprised.

There's apparently a slew of Fayette Co's, so I figured it was safe to give that out. Now, if you need a neighbor in Europe, that sounds like more fun.

I do love my family, dearly, and that makes it all the worse: seeing them in this awful light makes it very hard to put myself out there emotionally for them. And they none of em want to hear my opinion about matters. I'm not sure my generation won't end up in their shoes. I'd rather my mom spend it all before she goes, and enjoy life, anyway.

I'm glad you liked this week's contribution. I find it kind of odd that some folks will go to the trouble of picking godparents without really thinking about what it means, but I guess that's a function of having longer lifespans. So it's a good thing. As for nametags, even though I'm vain as heck about looking, thinking, and feeling younger than my age, it drives me nuts when old folks one-up each other in that department. My mom's mother didn't want to move to a retirement villa in her 80s because it was full of old people.

You've discovered my guilty pleasure. Glad you enjoy!