I was lamenting "Save us from stupid people!!", when I realized that a lot of us seem to derive a great deal of amusement from them.

I know that most of them would be insulted to think that we find their dramas so petty that they're hilarious, but that's just the way it is - no, it's not fair. Suck it up.. if you're dumb enough to spend your life whining over trivia, then you are fair game.

1. Aaawww. Poor darling. Your adult stepdaughter said...nothing to you, and now you're upset.

SHADDAP!

You say in your letter that this woman announced even before you married her father that she wanted nothing to do with you or your family. Her reasons are irrelevant. Your response, however, is indeed relevant.

What, did you think she was kidding? You thought that the smarm fairy would show up and anoint the nasty bitch with "nice" powder? You sincerely believed that all you had to do was show up and she'd relent and invite you in for tea and a grovelling apology?

Fercryinoutloud woman! Where was your head? You not only inflicted this situation on yourself by showing up where you KNEW you weren't welcome, you brought your son along, KNOWING that there was a possibility of fireworks. If this was your husband's idea, then smack him on the bum with a wet dish towel. He deserves it.

A lot of effort has been spent on the boards trying to analyse the daughter's behavior - spurred on by Prudie's moronic statement that she must have a personality disorder, since she was rude...Bosh, all of it!

I consulted with a friend - clinical psychologist, neighbor and mother of the Cool Niece about this, and asked what she would say to the stepmom. Her response:

"You married the father, not the daughter. You live with him, not her. You have no right to expect that she'll adore you, nor should you give a damn whether she does or not. In reality, you never have to be in the same room with the woman for the rest of both your lives. LEAVE IT ALONE. You do have a right to expect basic good manners. "

To the daughter:

"Get over yourself and quit acting like such a bitch! Behaving like a snot is not a "personality disorder", it's a self-indulgent exercise in trying to control other people by throwing tantrums. I'm not saying therapy wouldn't help, but there is no excuse to act like you never left junior high! "

You heard it here first, kids, from someone who, unlike Prudie, is actually qualified to make the call.

2. Oh, Jeez...what do you think's going to happen? You'll make a will and then die horribly, but if you don't make a will you'll survive the accident?

SHADDAP!

Not making a decision in this case is worse than making a bad one. You have a child, and you must provide for that child in the event of your death and ugly as it is to contemplate, this could really happen. These are the things you MUST HAVE to do that:

1. A valid will, laying out EVERYTHING.

2. Life insurance adequate to support the kid all the way through college.

3. Enduring powers of attorney for you and your spouse.

4. A document that spells out, in excruciating detail, who you want to raise your child and who you do not want going near your kid with a barge pole.

5. Revisit all of these documents every five years and make whatever changes you need to.

Now, get up off your post-pregnancy ass and get these things done.

There could be a Greyhound bus coming down the road with your name on the grill RIGHT NOW!

3. Ok, I just can't bring myself to say anything negative to an obviously nice, smarter than average kid. It just isn't in me. So here goes:

You did the right thing. This guy sounds like kind of a jerk, and your gut told you not to get involved. You've learned a valuable lesson here - trust your gut. It's smarter than your friends, and so are you.

Your friends aren't doing you any favors. Next time they try to give you relationship advice, tell them to

SHADDAP!

Listen, what they told you to do is, in essence, start a fight. How dumb is that? Why would you want to go there for a guy that you don't want to go out with, anyway?

There's another reason they're wrong, too. They told you to "stand up to his girlfriend" and "win him over". You can see why that's dumb, can't you? The girlfriend, who you admire, has nothing to do with this. She's nice. It's the boy who would be acting like a total jerk if he dumped her because of you.

Put it this way, do you want a guy that's so easy all it would take is a wink and a nod to leave his girlfriend for you? How about the next girl that's willing to do the same thing?

The smart thing to do is stay out of these silly triangles. You all have a lot of learning to do, try to do it without anyone's feelings being hurt, if you can.

4. Heavens to Betsy! However do you go on! You poor darling, I can see that this is causing you no end of anguish. Something Must Be Done.

SHADDAP!

You're going to a gathering with a bunch of strangers. No one knows anyone's name - name tags are the smart thing to do. That way everyone doesn't have to spend the entire party introducing themselves to each person in the group which would make for a very tedious party. Duh.

There's no etiquette here, except the breach you will cause if you ditch the name tag. Of course, if you truly desire to be remembered as "that appalling snob who tossed out her name tag", then by all means, throw it out.

By drawing attention to yourself, you'll have embarassed your friend and distracted attention away from her 65th birthday party, which is a Big Deal, but by God, you'll have shown those evil harpies!

See, this is what I mean when I talk about petty whining over things that just don't matter. No one cares what you think. There is no hard and fast etiquette for name tags, and this is not a personal dig at your aging brain. Next week, after the party, it will all be a dim memory...especially if the woman of honor spikes the damn tea!

Do feel free to let us know if you have any real problems.....like your office mate's nail polish clashing with your desk accessories or important stuff like that.

Good answers for #2 & #3. The others are already tedious.

Sometimes you just don't get a lot to work with. What can you say to f***ing morons who ask questions that shouldn't even be asked. Bleah. Prudie needs to do a little better.

Besides that, I'm off my game this week. Louis the Big Orange Cat, Rocky Mountain Pygmy Cougar, may be facing his figurative Waterloo in the near future. Much hinges on a blood test, and we just don't have the results yet. His friends and regular belly-rubbers have been doing a lot of weeping of late.

Sigh. It isn't as if we haven't been here before. This poor bugger used up 5 lives before his first birthday.....and he's always been fine. But he's 17.

Mine only made it to 14, but he was on steroids for years. His mother was killed before he was fully weaned, so he didn't develop all the right immunities to various allergens. I know how you all feel.

He's had various issues - he's a lifelong diabetic, for one thing, so he has cataracts - but none of it has really been life-threatening. It's all treatable, and he's been extraordinarily healthy.

Unfortunately, the radioactive iodine treatment that he had for thyroid (you'd think we're made of money, fercryinoutloud!) may have caused the big problem now. His calcium levels are through the roof, and they can't be lowered with fluids. This means that he probably has parathyroid cancer, or his parathyroid was damaged by the previous treatment. Sigh.

He's a popular guy. The combination of immense kitty (24 pounds - not fat) and his sweet nature make him a hit in any company. When he was at the vet all day yesterday, they had him in the large dog kennel, and the staff, including the vets, were popping inside the cage for a cuddle at various points in the day.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Everyone else is stupid. Posting you cat's medical history is supposed to be of interest someone?

Oh, don't bother banishing me or imagining that anyone gives a F**K.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Someone took their bitch pill today.

If it isn't Timmy Tinypenis! I met your brother Lester Littledick on the freeway yesterday, trying to pass me in his rattletrappy old truck. He seemed somewhat offended that he couldn't do it despite his best efforts, and I was only in second gear. Perhaps lauging as I flipped him off was too much for him?

So, Timmy, what's the matter today? Is 'oo having a hangover, perhaps? Made the mistake of hoping that the chickie you picked up last night was too drunk herself not to laugh hysterically as you disrobed?

That's the triumph of hope over experience, my lad. Neither you or your brother will ever be able to keep up. No one's concerned, though. You can't make your brain grow, either.

There's been a lot of discussion here lately about why posters are failing to coalesce more around less threads and that there is a lot of repetition of the same points. Could it be because some frequent posters are continuously attacking the personal problems of others while assuming their personal trivia is somehow more interesting or worthy?

Is the problem not what is being posted but who is doing the posting? My cat, my niece my trips are interesting- your daughter-in-law, your baby, your name tags are not. My attacks are oh so funny but I fail to take the response to these with the same attitude. Instead, they are an excuse for ad hominum attacks. They are just bitchy or stupid.

Maybe folks are not joining your threads because they don’t want to. Even the regular and really clever posters are noticible absent once the mud starts being thrown.

There are plenty of way-out-there and satirical posters here who never attack anyone personally. And before we hear for the umpteenth time that many fail to appreciate your satire, maybe you'll spend a moment to contemplate why. Maybe, not only can the audience learn something from you, but you from your audience as well.

...note that I never start it with the personal shit...unless something is just too stupid to let past....note that my responses are aimed at specific people, and they've never been you.

So sorry that you fail to comprehend the notion of an open forum, but people like you are the martinets that we come here to avoid.

I Hereby Sentence you to the Rock of Presumptuous Ninnies, There to be Ignored for Eternity. Here's your shovel, tedious wanker.

Ok. I'm a tedious wanker. We agree. What I don't get is how the person who sentences and banishes people or berates a poster for using abbreviations (see "Personality Disorders" above) ought to accuse anyone else of being a martinet.

For the edification of all, would you like to clarify just what a "Rock of Presumptuous Ninnies " is?

Good answers, Aunt Messy, despite the lack of good material to work with...

And to Idaho... If you don't care for a thread someone else starts, you are free to ignore it and move on to another thread more to your liking. If you choose instead, for whatever perverse reasons you might harbor, to respond with a four sentence personal attack on the original poster, please spare us the lengthy and repetitious complaints about ad hominem (note the correct spelling, moron) attacks when she responds in kind. When you start a brawl by throwing the first punch you don't get to fucking whine about being viciously attacked by those who defend themselves. And before you waste my time and your breath with what you no doubt deem a witty and razor sharp retort, consider the possibility that the way you chose to introduce yourself to those who do join her threads renders it highly unlikely that any of them will actually give a sweet shit what you have to say. In other words, Mr. Potatohead, SHADDAP!

I don't give a crap about being attacked. I also don't give a crap if I'm thought of of as witty etc. by the self appointed Prudie Star Chamber.

What is observable is that bad behavior, insults and personal trivia are condoned when conducted by one group of posters here but ridiculed in another.

idaho:

I don't give a crap about being attacked. I also don't give a crap if I'm thought of of as witty etc. by the self appointed Prudie Star Chamber.

What is observable is that bad behavior, insults and personal trivia are condoned when conducted by one group of posters here but ridiculed in another.

Clearly you are fairly new to the world of online message boards. As one who was SysOp of several BBSs before the modern internet even existed, allow me to explain it to you. With the exception of Moderated message boards (where the Moderator dictates the rules of conduct), the original poster of any thread always gets the final word on what the rules are. That means off-topic posts, flame wars and foul language are either acceptable or not strictly in accordance with the tastes and whims of the person who posted the leadoff to the thread. That means in any thread originating with Messy, Messy's rules apply. If she wished to go off on personal tangents - and allow others to do so - that is her prerogative. You don't get a vote on the matter. Neither do I. Obviously that means different rules in different threads. If you don't like that you are free to restrict your message board activities to moderated boards with rules you approve of and enforced by a moderator whose tastes you share. What you are not free to do is wander blithely into someone else's thread and try to impose your own ideas about what constitutes propriety in posting on them... at least, not without getting flamed for doing so.

If this offends your sensibilities, so much the better... some of us actually like random targets presenting themselves for evisceration. Now stop whining about how the real world doesn't conform to your ideas of how it should be and SHADDAP!

Thank you for your educative response and your pedigree. In fact, examples of Messy and Star Chamber doing just what you are describing on other's threads abound. The observation stands.