I'm in my mid-30s, professionally successful with a "good" job, a "nice guy," attractive and in good shape, divorced (with no kids or issues after a short term, ill-advised marriage in my 20s -- but hey, it shows I'm willing to make a commitment), regarded by my friends' wives and girlfriends as attractive and a frequent set-up option for their single friends, and I'm genuinely eager to find a good woman and start a family. At least according to the theory, I should be beset upon by all of the marriage-minded, hold-out, "strong bidder" women out there in my new East Coast hometown and running my own personal edition of "The Bachelor."

Alas, it isn't so. I get plenty of dates and plenty of opportunities to mutually add notches to well-notched bedposts. But, at least in the social circles in which I travel, intelligent, educated, physically attractive, "desirable" women seem little interested in or capable of changing their "single girl" behavior, despite their stated intentions to do so. Why should they? They're living the Sex and the City dream of good jobs, nice clothes, freedom to hang with their girlfriends, and have a seemingly limitless supply of willing and interested men (some of whom are married or in relationships). It seems like the pangs for hearth, home, and the pitter patter of little feet evaporate after a couple cocktails and the glimpse of a new guy's tight butt, triathlon trophies, or fat wallet. More often than you'd believe (and more often than would seem to be a coincidence), I've had the "let's meet each other's parents and/or think about moving in together" conversation on Tuesday, only to be told on Saturday that she suddenly: was getting back together with an ex; needed more space; wanted to see other people for a while; or just hooked up with a guy from a local sports team, had a really good time and wanted to see how that might work out. None of those "other plans" ever worked out for my exes, by the way.

While it's broken my heart, I can't say that I necessarily fault these women for their choices. They grew up being told that they can have it all, and popular media images depict a certain lifestyle as glamorous, exciting, and fulfilling. They're smart. They're beautiful. They're emotionally and financially independent. They don't "need" to settle down with someone for economic security (even if it's just shared expenses), personal satisfaction, or even if they want to have a child someday. They have, in short, what has long been the province of the classic swinging bachelor. The result is just as pathetic, but I wonder if they see it that way.

So, what's the end of the "game?" If men are thoughtful, sensitive, nurturing, or express their interest in being a husband and father, they risk being seen as a dull, sexless clod who isn't going to keep things exciting. If they are more physically and sexually appealing/interesting, they risk being seen as a plaything who, although fun, can never be tamed and settle down. What's a guy to do when he meets the "perfect" woman with whom he's completely in synch -- except for her fatal flaw of indecision and fear of commitment?

He could probably tell you better than anyone:

Don Corleone’s face had become cold without a hint of sympathy. He said contemptuously, “You can start by acting like a man.”

Suddenly anger contorted his face. He shouted. “LIKE A MAN!” He reached over the desk and grabbed Johnny Fontane by the hair of his head in a gesture that was savagely affectionate. “By Christ in heaven, is it possible that you spent so much time in my presence and turned out no better than this? A Hollywood finocchio who weeps and begs for pity? Who cries out like a woman - ‘What shall I do? Oh, what shall I do?’ ”

Just wait....

I'm in my early 40's and they-the strong bidders- are coming out of the woodwork. Unfortunately they are no where near as desirable as they once were-and so the game continues.

Everyone these days seems to have a short attention span. I think it has to do with the over stimulation that comes from being plugged in 24/7. The old "Cinderella" crap that is recycled endlessly- Pretty Woman, sex and the City, etc. doesn't help either.

Raider, you need to resort to their old trick; playing "hard to get." One of the big things women look for is selectiveness in men (it lets them know you are more likely to commit and be faithful). Mention attractive women you could have slept with but turned down because you felt "no connection" or whatever.

Also, talk about how rare certain admirable features she has are, how you felt sure you would never find a woman with all of these various traits but deeply wanted too...better if this is true but if you are in love with the woman go for it anyway.

Also, online dating is great especially with women in distant cities. Be selective here. Take the time to write medium length personal messages to women you are interested in. Show some wit and check grammar and spelling. Take your time. No running off to see them for at least three months. Amazing how busy you are at work and no way to get away until this project is done...Then you build a real relationship before it gets physical. This lets her know that you are not just about the physical. For attractive women this is a huge deal. Also, write naughty emails, tease her, get her fantasies about you and her together going full steam before you touch her. Photos that are not quite explicit. Foreplay done properly takes months, not hours. Then when you do get into bed, you will be an amazing lover. You will have deeper feelings for each other, which always makes it better, and you will have exchanged fantasies and learned some things about what she likes from doing that.

Good looking guys with good jobs and willing to commit who really get the job done in bed, no woman ever leaves them except to die.

Finally, if you find yourself invited to a diner party ALWAYS volunteer to help clean up and do some dishes and stuff.

My credentials: I am a short poor atheist vegetarian college drop-out of 41 and married to a stunning 19 year old with the top marks in her university. And we are in love and happy as hell.

"The Godfather" is fiction, not fact. It's important not to be a wimp, but none of the Corleones are good husbands or dads. Let's "keep it real" by talking about real people. BTW, Fontane is based on Frank Sinatra; would you have called Sinatra a wimp to his face?

The original poster is absolutely dead on point. Women who aren't fat, poor or ugly today think they're Hef with breasts. But if you look at the low rates of intimacy and high rates of depression (and growing rates of suicide) among women over 40, you can see the karma cops showing up on the scene.

Well, I stand by my criticism. If you read his post carefully and don't understand where I'm coming from, then we can agree to disagree on the level of manhood he was displaying. FWIW, my current girlfriend is young, smart, and gorgeous, and she has never jerked me around in the way described, nor have any of the several other girls I've dated, all of whom were (to varying degrees) intelligent and good-looking.

To ask whether *I* would have called Sinatra a wimp is missing the point. Corleone didn't seek out Fontane to lecture him- Fontane came to HIM looking to talk about his problems. And he was Fontane's Godfather - he had not only the right, but also the duty to chastise his godson for his weak and childish behavior. And much of his criticism stemmed from the way in which Fontane had allowed women to dictate the terms of his relationships with them.

Go back and read that 4-5 page passage, and you'll find it more applicable than you maybe realize from memory. I didn't pull it out of thin air.

Thanks for weighing in.

"Just wait....

I'm in my early 40's and they-the strong bidders- are coming out of the woodwork. Unfortunately they are no where near as desirable as they once were-and so the game continues."

I love this quote from a very overweight 40 something: "I was just like the younger women when I was their age!" Not true - I saw pictures from then.

However, this may be the main difference between men and women when it comes to appearance. Men want the beauty but women as long as the money is there, will settle for it in the past because they are passing these genes on to their offspring.