Being ignored is not cruel. If there's anyone with a personality disorder here it's the letter writer. I can only wonder if the ignoring started after the persistent attempts to set up play dates with the dad's wife's daughter. Her expectations of the "step" children are completely unreasonable. It seems just as likely that the writer wanted the new marriage to equal a big new we're all bff family and the stepdaughter is politely making an excuse such as you know I'm just not quite over the break-up of my parents' marriage rather than actually expressing that the new wife is is a bit of a nut job? Is she really ignoring the dad's new wife or is she simply saying hello and good-bye and not trying to establish a close relationship with her. This would be nice, but I think everyone over the age of 25 realizes that sometimes people close to us marry people that we don't like and sometimes people who are close to our partner's don't particularly like us. Let it go, dad's wife. She didn't try and stop the marriage. She's not pressuring dad for a divorce. She just doesn't particularly like or want to socialize with you and your mentally disabled son or other children. Let it go.

Yes and her displeasure gives her every right in the world to behave like a grouchy two year old child...oh wait NOPE. She could at least show the common courtesy of treating them like casual aquaintances...you know she could be polite.... especially to the poor kid COME ON!!!

Speaking as a child of divorce, who is now an adult. I understand the step-daughter. My father actually has a girlfriend who does many of the same things to me. She calls me constantly and tells me she loves me like she is my mom. She always gives me advice which I never ask for. I have my own life, in another city and she forces the relationship on me. She also threatens me with my relationship with my dad if I do not treat her the way she wants. So, i understand why this step-daughter may ignore her pushy step-mother. If I am nice to my dad's girlfriend she assumes that I want the relationship with her. The step-mom needs to realize that her husband has an obligation to his daughter before her. This is a SECOND marriage. They both had lives before and her expectations that everyone will blend is insane.

Also, how dare anyone offer a mental diagnosis without observation of the individual. I am actually a Psychologist and I am astounded that anyone would do that. There are two sides to every story.

Just from the letter, it sounds like the new wife would equate being treated like a casual acquaintance to being ignored. If the daughter really is the rude, then it's disappointing, but given the unreasonable expectations that the step-daughter befriend the new wife's daughter, I think that this woman's reality is a little bit bent. Also I'm not clear why she continues to try and befriend the daughter. Again, let it go. She doesn't like you. She doesn't have to. Stop showing up at her house. You know that she's going to hurt your son's feelings. Don't expose him to that anymore.

dizzyabbyandsarasmommy:

Yes and her displeasure gives her every right in the world to behave like a grouchy two year old child...oh wait NOPE. She could at least show the common courtesy of treating them like casual aquaintances...you know she could be polite.... especially to the poor kid COME ON!!!

So you have someone that you don't like at all and you tell them in no uncertain terms that you don't want anything to do with them. They show up at your house with another friend and you will treat them like a casual acquaintance?? That would give them the impression that everything was okay with them being there. The new wife is the rude one.

Sounds like the kid is less mentally challenged than the new wife.

I had a stepmother who was rude. But for the sake of maintaining a peaceful relationship with my dad, my siblings and I treated her very civilly. Even though she was "nice / nasty" to us. My dad would break many plans with us, because she was having a meltdown, just before we were about to leave.

We had hockey tickets (a tough ticket to get). We could only buy four. Stepmom didn't like hockey, so it was me, my brothers and my dad. We were about to pick him up, he told us to "go on without him. Sally's having a meltdown". Ummm.. just go on? with tickets at $75.00 a pop? We found a quick replacement and went to the game.

You took the high road and that's commendable. At the same time, I don't see much parallel between your story and the original LW's story unless you were attempting to establish a deeper relationship with your stepmother when she didn't want one.

The new wife in the original letter seems like one of those people you sit next to on airplane. You have a book open and want to read it. They introduce themself and start to make small talk. You politely explain that you are trying to read a book and are not interested in small talk. They keep on talking and get upset and think you're rude when you don't want to enter the conversation.