1) Wicked Stepdaughter (Prudie labeled that one right):

I would normally say that a child has a right to be a little pissed off when her parents move on and find someone new. It is understandable to have a hard time adjusting to someone trying to take one parent’s place. The problem here is that the adjustment period is long past due (for the divorce and the new step mom) and this is no child (at least in age) we are talking about.

Obviously this “child” has personal issues she can’t get past. She may even blame her dad for the breakup of the marriage (it is almost never completely the fault of one person even if cheating was involved). The stepdaughter will never listen to anything the LW says, so trying to fix this is completely out of her hands.

The LW needs to step back and let her husband handle this. The husband needs to sit down and have a serious talk with his daughter. He needs to let her know that the LW is here to stay, and her continued rudeness will not be tolerated. It doesn’t matter how old a child is, good parents can still influence them.

Video) Long Winded Lady:

It sounds like this lady is lonely. She probably doesn’t get a lot of company, and takes advantage of it when she gets the chance. I am betting that this guy probably finds that her family seems to disappear when she starts talking to this guy. Maybe that is why they really wanted him there in the first place. It may suck for him, but he is probably making this poor old lady’s day.

My grandmother used to be just like that. She would be stuck at home alone all day, and when I got home she would talk my ears off. It used to annoy the crap out of me sometimes because I had a bunch of other things I could be doing. It was even worse when she repeated stories I had heard before.

It used to bug me, but now I miss it. My family was so envious of all the time I got to spend with her before she died. I learned more about her and the way life used to be than I ever would have from history class. Her birthday was yesterday, and now I thank God for all the memories she shared with me.

2) Harbinger of Death:

This may sound sexist, but why do women do this? My wife went into a panic about three months after our daughter was born because she wanted to pick our parental successors. I thought it was kind of like inviting death over for dinner, but it is one of those things you just have to take care of like life insurance (better to choose than have someone else choose for you).

My family is in a very similar situation. My parents are in their sixties, retired, and live 700 miles away. The closest other family members that we felt comfortable as guardians are 500 miles away. We have some very close friends that love our daughter and treat her like family.

We had to choose what is best for our daughter. We discussed it with our friends and told them that they were the best choice because of their age, similar values, and it would keep our daughter from having to deal with two dramatic upheavals at once.

After that, we discussed it with our families. We told them why we made the decision we made, and they understood. It was all about the child and nothing to do with favorites. I can’t guarantee that anyone else will have as much luck as me in this area, but it was totally our decision to make anyway.

3) Young and Restless:

Oh, the games people play! It sounds like this guy is looking for an ego boost. Nothing works better than to have two girls fighting over you. If that isn’t the case, he is just too chickenshit to dump his girlfriend himself. It will be much easier to have his “new girlfriend” do it. Plus, he gets the ego boost from the girl fight. She needs to run in the opposite direction. This situation will turn out the same for her as it is starting to turn out for his current girlfriend.

As for finding a boyfriend, she should take a closer look at that guy that just likes to spend time hanging out with her. We all know that guy. He will treat her much better than any Mr. Popular ever will.

As you probably guessed, I was that guy way too many times. I finally found someone willing to take a chance on a friend. We may not be together now, but we are still friends.

4) What was your name again?:

For a group of strangers (of any age) at a social affair, the nametags sound like a good idea to me. Nothing makes me feel less significant than to have to remind someone of my name all night long. It may not be on purpose, but it makes a person feel “forgettable”. This may be great for some people, but I am not a hitman or a thief. Nametags allow us to be forgetful without being rude.

(I typed these out before I read Prudie’s responses. I guess I didn’t add too much to what she said. I am actually agreeing with what Prudie says? Must be Armageddon!)

You have GOT to put that stuff in writing. You have to do it. There is no way of knowing what will actually happen if both you and your spouse pass away suddenly. The one thing that will most assuredly happen is that emotions will be running high.

There is no way of knowing who is going to claim your daughter. Even if your parents and friends are willing to follow your wishes (and it sounds like they are), any blood relative of either of you, no matter how distant or out of the picture, could screw things up by trying to get custody - and in some of these situations, they succeed.

Well, in a very general sense you may have agreed with Prudie, but I like how you worded it better and agree with you too. :-)

I normally understand the difficulty of mixing families, and tend to advocate giving greater understanding and compassion to people having difficulty, but it's just as you said - 1) ten or more years is plenty of time to get over the divorce of your parents, and 2) she's an adult, for goodness sake, so she should be better able to handle uncomfortable situations with (hopefully) some grace (as compared to children).

I'm not even sure why LW#2 wrote in. All she has to do is ask her friends if they would be willing to take guardianship in the event of their death. Either they will say say yes or they will say no, but the only way to find out is to just ask. Why spend so much time agonizing over it, instead of just getting it over with and doing it?

As for LW#3, I remember the days where my friends tried to push me into relationships... Like they'd say this guy was really interested in me, and he wasn't. They'd also fib to the guy and say that I was really interested in him, when I really wasn't. Then, they'd try to get us to hook up. Why do that? I think they were just trying to get a good laugh out of it.

I don't think any of these relationships are serious, so I can't claim to feel any strong emotion about anything to do with these kiddy relationships, but why get into something that is obviously going to involve drama? Some people say they're your friend, but they're really NOT. You're better off telling these "friends" where they can stuff their dumb opinion and stop using you for their entertainment.

As for the last letter writer, I have to admit I have an awful time with remembering names, and I'm in my twenties, so it's not a sign of age. So, I end up either having to ask a person for their name more than once before it sticks in my brain, or I'll try to find some way of addressing them that doesn't involve using their name. It's particularly awkward when some people are better at remembering names, and they know my name, but I don't know theirs. Personally, I would find name tags to be a godsend! It would make me feel a lot better that I don't have to worry about being on unequal footing (i.e., someone knowing my name, but I don't know theirs). :-)

I know some people think that it would make better conversation to go on ahead and keep asking people for their names, but I think it makes for boring conversation. It'd be nice to move past the asking people for their names and move onto some REAL conversation.

Now, I lost track of where I was going with this... After we're done talking about the name tags, what else was there to talk about? Oh yeah, what was the original reason for this party? I think the letter-writer kind of lost focus on that by overly emphasizing these name tags... Think about the purpose of the party...forget about any objections or whatever to the name tags.

Of course our wishes for our child are in writing. I was just emphasizing what the LW asked. I guess I just kind of took for granted that having it documented should be common sense. Sometimes I forget that "common sense" isn't really so common.

Sadly "common sense" is about the LAST thing we can expect from people.

Then again, until I went to school, I though my name was "Now what?". If it could be climbed, I climbed it...and fell off. Nope, no common sense there!

I have to come up with ways to walk people through complicated and not-so-complicated. I go to great lengths (pictures and step by step drawn out directions) to make instructions "fool-proof". The problem I run into most is that they keep inventing better fools.

I guess if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't need lawyers so much huh? That, and the guys that write the labels that say "Do not use while showering." on our hair dryers.

aerspirit:

As for the last letter writer, I have to admit I have an awful time with remembering names, and I'm in my twenties, so it's not a sign of age. So, I end up either having to ask a person for their name more than once before it sticks in my brain, or I'll try to find some way of addressing them that doesn't involve using their name. It's particularly awkward when some people are better at remembering names, and they know my name, but I don't know theirs.

I came from a large family in a city of about 100,000 people, so the odds of us running into someone who knew me whenever we went out was astronomical. I have moderate face-blindness, meaning I have trouble with facial recognition, especially out of the normal setting for meeting people. My sister once came to the door, and I didn't know who it was, and I recall meeting my (then) teacher at the grocery store and thinking she was a stranger. Even my mom once picked me up from school in a new car, and I almost went in to report a stranger trying to grab me, till she identified herself.

Therefore, I had to develop some great techniques at faking knowing people. It helps if they are speaking to the person I am with instead of to me, because I can listen more than speak. For instance, whom do they ask about, and by which terms? Do they ask about "Jane", "Mrs. Doe", or "your Mom"?

The ex and I once ran into a couple. Ex called the man by name, and they talked several minutes as we all headed to get something to eat. By the time the woman introduced herself to me, I had already figured out that this was my new brother-in-law whom I had never met and his wife.

I read about that a couple months ago in Wired magazine. Now that is a disorder that I can feel a little sympathy for. I can see how that could cause problems trying to form relationships.

The daughter has a right to decide not to have anything to do with new wife. That may mean losing her relationship with her father, but it is her right. Obviously the daughter is not past the "adjustment period" in her mind and no one is going to be able to force the issue. If her father attempts to have a "serious talk" with her, he may find himself on the receiving end of an ultimatim. Much like the one I delivered to my mom when she attempted to get me to call her new husband "dad." I told her, "I'm happy for you that you found someone that makes you happy. I'm a grown man and I don't need a dad. I will continue to refer to him as 'my mom's husband.' If you or he find this to be unacceptable, you will need to decide what you will do about it." (Nothing happened.)

At any rate, the daughter wasn't the rude one. The new wife is the rude one for showing up where she knows she's not welcome, bringing someone else she knows is not welcome, and thinking that her presence should be accepted. (Not to mention she's a cruel witch for putting her challenged son through that in the hope of gaining sympathy from the daughter.)

I agree that the stepmom should have left the "challenged" child at home and was probably using him as a tool for sympathy. I also agree about not calling the new wife mom. Mom is a name that we reserve for the one who participated in our upbringing. Obviously, an adult child is going to get very little upbringing from the dad's new wife.

I didn't say anything about her not having the right to reject the new wife. I said the new wife is the wrong one to be trying to change the situation.

The father does need to have the talk with her. If it comes down to an ultimatum, the father is the one that should be making it. She will always be his daughter, but he made vows to his wife and should stand up for her. If the daughter chooses her anger and resentment over a relationship with her father, that is her right.