I was the child of my dad's second marriage. My mother and his first family were both catty, and my Dad (one of those friendly sorts who got along with everybody) tried very hard to integrate the two families but it never did work out. His family was rude and downright cruel, and my mother got a chip on her shoulder that she never let go of (and was rude and combative as a result). His first family has kids about my age, too (who never got over the fact that their parents divorced)- in fact, the Stepmom's situation sounds very similar to the one I was raised around. The LW needs to step back and stop forcing herself on the first family. It will only garner more resentment and cause more trouble. Not everybody needs to be best buddies with everybody. Was the daughter rude? Yes, it sounds like it. But that doesn't excuse someone's pushy behavior. All I can say is, let it go. Forgive. Get over it.

LW, I do have this question for you- it sounds like you have a history with your husband's daughter- if so, what the hell were you thinking bringing your disabled son there, knowing he's sensitive? Methinks you were trying to get the sympathy vote, and that's pretty low. Stop using your son to manipulate people.

Prudie, methinks you need to brush up on your armchair psychiatry. Stop slapping everybody who doesn't behave as you would have them behave with the "mentally ill" label, and stop diagnosing perfect strangers (who you only "know" through extremely one-sided, likely inaccurate personal accounts) as having depression, personality disorders, etc. It's really quite obnoxious and it's b.s. like that that makes life for those who either a) actually have health problems or b) are a little quirky, that much more annoying. You're not an MD so stop acting like one.

Yeah, I was a little surprised by the response to the letter. Of course any letter only offers one side of a story, but this one seemed clearly skewed. Most grown children only respond to new marriages like this when other things are going on--like maybe the daughter thinks the LW is taking advantage of her father somehow (maybe financially), or maybe the parents did not split up in the way the LW indicates.

It is a slippery slope to speculate about the "real" story, I know, but I've known a few adults who resented their new step-parents for understandable reasons, though the stepparents would have probably denied it. The LW just seemed so over-the-top in how right she is and how wrong the daughter is that it makes me doubt that she's giving the full story.

Very good letter, Red Dobe.

I'm the child of divorced parents, with a stepmother and a half sister. What many people (ie, Prudie) don't understand is that when a divorced man remarries his children will lose something in some way, shape, or form (financial support, attention, etc). A smart stepmother will minimize that and be sensitive to this AND not be resentful when the child's anger surfaces.

You, however, are in the worst position since you had no choice. You sound like you are trying hard to understand others' feelings.

And I also picked up the manipulation on the part of the stepmother. I suspect she's been very successful in manipulation of the father since she met him and that could be the source of anger on the part of the daughter.

I agree with the praise for Red Dobe's note.

Prudie's response to this one-sided letter was off. The responses in this forum attest to as being on the other side of the aisle of this relationship. My dad remarried after my mother died. We all got along OK, but I only saw his wife every other month or so. That is until she started treating my dad very badly in front of us. After a period of time they separated and the scope of this bad behavior became clear. For reasons of his own, he has gone back to her and I am unapologetically cold to rebuilding our relationship, I'm civil but nothing more. I won't expose my children to the sort of horrid behavior that she can't help but display.