I live in a house with my partner and a roommate. She's great in almost every way except for when it comes to food: when she eats she chews with her mouth open (and lots of extra smacking), speaks with her mouth full, and eats with her hands. It's so bad that my partner and I have trouble staying in the same room with her when she eats. Her mastication overpowers a loud radio or TV, normal conversation, everything.

I was raised not to make comments to people about their manners - especially when it comes to eating - because it's the parents' job to teach their kids proper manners. Clearly this didn't happen with my roommate. I was also raised to be patient and forgiving, but she is constantly snacking - and smacking - from the time she gets home in the evening to the time I go to bed, and frankly it's affecting my own appetite and eating habits (I can't have dinner when she's home, etc.)

So do I talk to her about it (and if so, what's the nicest way of doing so?) or should I just continue to look for reasons to excuse myself? I know it's been damaging her love life and work possibilities, too.

Okay, I'll bite (ha!ha!). I have a brother who is the same way. We were all raised the same way, with etiquette up the ying-yang. This one brother, can't masticate without letting the world know he's eating. It's totally disgusting, so I think I know what you're talking about. Thank God I no longer live with him.

Now to your problem. There is no easy way to tell someone that they gross you out when they eat. The fact that you have been avoiding your roommate at meals should've been a dead giveaway, but it seems that your roomie did not get the hint.

I think it's easier when it's family - I have no problem telling my bro he's gross, but I would have a harder time telling a roomie/friend. Have you tried leaving an etiquette book out (lame, I know)? Are you close to this person? If so, maybe a heart-to-heart when no one is around (embarassing the person will not work - unless it's a bro!). Do other people avoid her at meal times? You could use that as an opening to a conversation about eating etiquette.

Or, on the other hand, you could call her on it every time. Eventually, she'll get it. If, for example, every time she gets something to eat, you ask her if she hears a noise (like cow chewing cud or something). She may (or may not) understand what you're alluding to.

If not, sometimes brutal honesty works. Some people need to be hit over the head with a brick before they clue in. You can tell her flat out why you won't eat with her and that it is affecting her work/love life. She may or may not appreciate it, but at least you'll be able to eat!

In any case, I feel for you. I'm into avoiding gross eaters at all times (mind you, they make a great diet!).

I had a roommate in college who sounded like yours.

One day, a friend and I sat her down and had the dreaded talk. We started out with an apology in advance for hurting her feelings, stated a generality, then got down to specifis. Our side of the conversation went something like this: "We're about to tell you something unpleasant because we care about you. Right now, you may feel angry and hurt and we apologize for that, but e feel we MUST tell you the truth for your own good. The truth is that you do not eat properly. You chew with your mouth open. You eat peas with your knife. You drink from the bowl. Your run your finger across the plate and lick it. Have you ever noticed that no one else eats like that? Well, they don't. No, they don't. If you don't correct these errors, you will suffer for them -- imagine how a prospective employer might view your lack of table manners or a prospective mother in law. It's time to work on these skills and we're willing to help you."

After pouting for a week (and watching the way we ate), she decided to close her mouth and pay attention.

How about:

"I'm not interested in seeing what you're eating while you're eating it. Call it a quirk. When you make all that noise and chew with your mouth open, it's so disgusting that we can't eat in the same room as you. From now on, could you just eat in your room?"

The time for good manners has passed. Frankly I'm shocked that no one has said anything to this woman before. How did she make it to adulthood without someone smacking her with a plate full of dinner before now? Does she ever eat out? Date?

Yuck. Just yuck.

My brother is the same way, whenever I say something to him about it, he gets defensive. I get embarrassed when we are in mixed company and there is food involved. He also slurps!