In News, Post, Tribune, and Times today Sen. Obama shits and Sen. Clinton farted. No charges were issued... yet. While placing them under the Microscope, we also noticed one of Obama's nuts is a little lower than the other and Hillary's left breast is bigger.

Meanwhile, Sen. McCain fell in love and married a model because he likes pretty women. He became a POW. Unfortunately, while away his beautiful wife suffered horrific scars that left her slightly disfigured and with a bit more weight. This new, not as pretty woman wasn't the trophy he remembered so he began having affairs. So many, that he earned a reputation for banging his subordinates.

No, no, no we're not going to bring Bill into this. After all it's a bit irrelevant now, right? Ok. Now where was I? Oh yes, the violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice rules against adultery and fraternization with subordinates. So Pimp, I mean Sen. McCain left his executive position in Jacksonville to move to become the number-two man in the Navy's Senate liaison office. He took his working very seriously turning the office into a political hotspot where Bill Clintons, Kennedys, Lewinskys, Monroes, Client #9s, Girl 6s, Pots, and Kettles could meet up platonically for drinks and unwind.

In 1979, while attending a military reception he saw Cindy Hensley.
He was immediately smitten with her. She had everything he ever wanted in a woman:

1)Political ties
2)Money
3)Good Looks
4)Young
5)Passive

When he just "happened" to bump into her, he monopolized her time for the duration of the evening. No, he didn't spit game to her and appeal to her naivety... that's what pimps do to secure tricks.
In his own words, McCain described their first meeting, "She was lovely, intelligent and charming, 17 years my junior but poised and confident. I monopolized her attention the entire time, taking care to prevent anyone else from intruding on our conversation. When it came time to leave the party, I persuaded her to join me for drinks at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. By the evening's end, I was in love."
Such an opportunist, I mean opportunity to fall in love who could resist. The courtship was hot and passionate and totally romantic. Onlookers would gaze at them and smile. Except for Carol Shepp McCain, John's wife. The idea of being shackled to a killjoy who was overweight and connectionless was too overwhelming for Sen. McCain so he divorced in 1980 and married Ms. Hensley a month later.









Shortly after his marriage, his political career took off all the way to the banks where him and Four of his buddies celebrated. Whatever happened to them, hmmm? Anyways, Mrs. McCain began great charitable works volunteering at the local police dept. as a drug dog. She was later fired for stealing from her job... naturally; Mr. McCain fired the guy responsible for firing his wife. Well, it gets pretty intricate after that. The sham, I mean shame of the situation "forced" Cindy to a life of lying, I mean crime. Fortunately, she was able to recover because she said she did. It also prevented the Phoenix New Times scoop about her situation. Cindy has always had the talent of killing two birds with one stone [see AVMT]. One must fill sorry for her




as it was mostly a result of pain due to a spinal injury. Speaking of injuries, Cindy McCain suffered a massive stroke in 2004. Can you imagine the pain? As a result she suffers from short term memory loss which is great if your married to a womanizer.
She has been mostly out of the limelight except when in February 2008, Lady McCain made news by being critical of Michelle Obama, the wife of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, who had said, "And let me tell you something: For the first time in my adult lifetime I am really proud of my country." McCain replied: "I am proud of my country. I don't know about you — if you heard those words earlier — I am very proud of my country."
This is understandable as her hurdles have always been self induced/afflicted with her being a Hensley in all. She was shocked that blackass Michelle hadn't always felt ecstatic about white america. She should be a proud American as she could be walking around naked somewhere in Africa. How ungrateful.

Well, it's going to be an interesting race to the white house. Yes sir, it is. I have to end this now the radio just said Sen. Obama burped and Sen. Clinton hiccupped.

Bringing you the news because Good Journalism is hard to find.

This post is being sponsored by Telescopes and Microscopes. Catch us live on your local news station and papers.