Dear DPers,
Spring is a little sad to me, even when I convince myself that Jesse is still in my heart, enjoying it with me. I try to walk through at least one sunny park a day, and really listen to the birds singing and children laughing in the playground. It almost works, except for that one special laugh I will never hear again. He and I shared a warped sense of humor, though, and I like to think that in some way, there's a little bit of Jesse in each week's Isolutions.
Dear Prudie,
My older sister and I are very close but she's a horrible drunken witch and I want to kidnap her daughter, "Cinderella." I've already stolen the "Bestest Daughter" award and think having Cinderella to compare with, will be the easiest route for my daughter to win their generation's "Bestest" crown. Total slam dunk between the bad grades and the pregnancy the whole world knows about because I blab about it all the time. Plus, being the control freak that I am, this way I don't have to spend all my time nagging my sister and putting her down right in front of her daughter, in order to make everyone listen to me, because I know everything and should rule the world.
signed,
I'm the GOOD One, and this will prove it.
Dear Prove it,
Your sister is steadily employed, is apparently a single mom raising kids and supporting them, and all you can do is complain about her work schedule and her occasional nights off? I don't see you saying she leaves the kids alone. I do see you saying you don't even want to sit down and talk to her about your niece, even though you admit she's a good, loving mother. And I can just imagine who starts the family conversations about your sister's "drinking habits."
You think you're going to be Saint Auntie and totally change her daughter's personality? Shame on you. It makes one wonder what's up with Prudie that she doesn't get this one.
signed,
Iso See Right Through You, Lady.
Dear Prudie,
I'm in a wonderful, fantastic relationship with a wonderful fantastic guy (IAWFRWAWFG letter alert) except I cheated on him with a scumbag. And my equally WFBFF is now doing the scumbag and they're "exclusive" (of what I don't know, since he porn-texts me daily). I personally blame (check as many as apply) _my parents, _my fiance being away on business, _alcohol, _the scumbag. How can I fuck up my life worse than I already have?
signed,
I swear, I'll Never Do This AGAIN
Dear ISINDTAIAWFRWAWFG,
Give your fiance his ring back, go into therapy, and don't get out until you are able to at least keep a houseplant alive for a year. And yeah, if you don't tell him, she will when she finds the scumbag's cell phone records.
signed,
Iso Hope Your Fiance Has a Strong Constitution
Dear Prudie,
I only like the good one.
signed,
Unlucky Mother
Dear Unforgivably Selfish Old Lady,
Imagine this: you are a tiny little girl, who loves her mommy and wishes she could be just like her. You toddle around the house, trying to get her attention. You put out every ounce of charm you can think of, but everywhere you go and everything you do, there's a big kid doing it better, and nothing, but nothing will put you on top with Mom. So you throw your first tantrum, in toddleresque frustration and fury, and suddenly, Mom is all over you. It may not be positive, but at least now she notices you exist. And for that brief moment, you feel her eyes on you exclusively.
You have craved this like any baby mammal, since birth. Now you have it. So you start experimenting, figuring out exactly what Mommy wants from you. Tantrums, anger, hatefulness. You try it on brother and Dad. Success! As you grow older and go to school, you find your true self, a pleasant, reasonable girl, among your peers and teachers. But you know at home, that will get you bupkus. And it's hard to be pleasant and reasonable among people you've grown up having to screech at to survive. Who visibly cringe when you walk in the door with your bookbag over your shoulder.
You know your parents aren't like other kids' parents, hell, you know they're not like this to your brother. Your choices are: decide there is something wrong with you, or decide there is something wrong with them. At 13, what emotional and intellectual resources do you have to function in the face of that?
I'd say your daughter is doing damn well in the face of your disdain. You want to fix this, look at your own treatment of her. Change that, and she will change how she acts toward you. Good behavior is in her, she wants to be the reasonable, pleasant kid, and she can do it with everyone else but her own family. Why? Because YOU aren't letting it work. She's the kid here, but you need to grow up. If you can't handle this, try a family systems counselor and take whatever he or she says about your parenting skills to heart. Cut the defense mechanisms and the blaming of this child for your relationship problems. Alternately, you could send her to live with LW#1.
signed,
Iso was your daughter
Dear Prudie,
I brag about my philanthropandering to all my friends and let those who displease Me know how I pass moral judgment on them with cold hard cash. How do I rub it in further?
signed,
Philanderanthropagnosticist
Dear Demiurge,
You may not believe in Jesus, but when he said you shouldn't brag about your good deeds, he was probably on to something. In fact, I think the Buddhists, the Muslims, the Baha'i, the Jews, the Wiccans -- come to think of it, pretty much every religion warns against being prideful. Except maybe your religion of You.
signed,
Iso Don't Worship At The Altar of Your CrazyAss (and neither do your friends)
