To the aunt

If you want to help and support your sister, offer to help and support her. Don't try to take her child away from her.

And whatever you do, don't call social services. If you open that door, you will regret it. It's very hard to get those people out of your lives, and there is nothing here that suggests its necessary.

Let's review -- the teenage daughter has had sex. OK, so have 60% of the other teenage girls in this country. The daughter isn't a great student -- not everyone is. The mother works nights -- how awful, why isn't she home and on welfare! The mother goes out with friends and even has drinks. That's not grounds for taking someone's child from them.

Either help your sister, or stay the hell away from her and her family.

Fabulous advice: Enable the drunken mother and let the chips fall where they may with the daughter. If she gets booted out of school, gets pregnant again, or ends up a drunk herself, that's just the breaks of life, huh?

Unfortunately, many have your same attitude. They're afraid to step in and do the right thing because that would be hard. It's so much easier to just act like you don't see anything wrong.

Nowhere did Prudie suggest calling social services. You seem to have a reading comprehension problem.

She actually did offer it as a suggestion near the end.

It is a really difficult situation but the child should be put first. I would hope that none of it is taken lightly but difficult decisions should be made if necessary.

i agree. the advice was terrible. prudie made MANY, MANY assumptions about that situation. she assumes the mother is neglectful. why, because she has to work for a living to support her children? she assumes the children are left at home alone while the mother works, even though the letter never says so. and even if they were left home alone, so what? one of them is a teenager. i had many friends whose single mothers couldn't afford a babysitter for their teen children at night, so they were left home alone. it's common, and in NO WAY makes the mother in question neglecful or unfit.

all we really had to go on is that ONE of the children is having issues, and the sister feels that the mother of the children has a drinking problem, which may or may even not be true at all. the advice seeker said they "think" she has a drinking problem, but seemingly, no one has confronted the issue with her or tried to get help for her. if they did, and she relapsed, then why does she have custody of any of the children?

if the advoce-seeker persists in removing one child from the home, she's screwed either way. if her sister is truly a bad parent, the other children will resent the aunt and extended family for rescuing their sibling and leaving them behind, or conversely, it could just actually be that the teenaged daughter is a bad kid through no fault of the mother. in that case, her bad behavior will just rub off on the daughter of the advice-seeker.

sorry, prudie, bad advice on this one.

Yeah, Plockwoo!!! Finally, someone with a brain in this place....sheesh!

What gall to assume you can just swoop in and take someone's kids away. Most parent/child relationships are turbulent to some extent in the teen years. You don't just take someone's kids away because YOU don't agree with their lifestyle choices. If this beeyotch really wanted to help her sister, she would get her a$$ over to her house and babysit in the evening and try wield some positive influence in a less destructive way than breaking up a family.

I have a strong feeling this self righteous poser doesn't really want to help her sister----she wants to show her up so she can look like the hero/savior.

plockwoo:

Let's review -- the teenage daughter has had sex. OK, so have 60% of the other teenage girls in this country.

The fact that 60% of teenage girls has had sex is a tragedy. According to a recent article in the Seattle Times, 1 in 4 American girls between the ages of 14 and 19 also has an STD. The US also has one of the highest, if not the highest, rates of teen pregnancies in the developed world. Obviously, everyone knows you need to use protection when having sex, so why is this happening?

I'll tell you why. Teenagers have not fully psychologically matured. They act impulsively and usually don't think things through. They often don't consider the full implications of their actions. Many teen girls are emotionally vulnerable to pressure from their peers and boyfriends and, as a result, may be cajoled into doing something they don't feel comfortable doing and damage themselves in the process. In other words, teens should NOT be having sex. Your high school years can be difficult enough as it is. Don't add fuel to the fire.

The LW also says that this girl has already had one miscarriage. That is a traumatic event even for a grown woman in a committed relationship. Can you imagine what this must have done to a little girl? No wonder she's such a mess! And what's Mom doing? Drinking and partying, apparently. And the LW says she does this "frequently" and that other members of the family are concerned about her alcohol use. Wow, great role model. I'm sorry, but your children should ALWAYS come before your "good time."

I don't know enough about the situation to justify calling social services. I think that should be an absolute last resort. But definitely get that girl out of there and into a stable environment. And get her the counseling she needs.

Exactly.

The mother can't or won't deal with her daughter's problems.

A fresh start under the watchful eye of her aunt might be the best possible solution.

The sister might be a great mom, but lax in boundaries department. That might work well for the other kids, but this girl is drowning.