Dear Unsure Aunt,

Your sister is a bad mother. It happens. Assuming that you have already spoken to your sister, inviting your niece to live with you could help. You don't mention whether you have children of your own, either. If you do, you may think about what may happen with your interactions with them if you bring in a "new" kid who needs "extra" attention. I think you should do it, but make sure you think things all the way through first! My suggestion is to set down a series of ground rules from day 1 if you do invite her.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Once a Cheater, Not Always a Cheater,

You should tell him and get screened for STDs. Once a cheater isn't always a cheater ... but once a cheater does mean the likelihood of further cheating is higher. He should be allowed to enter this marriage fully informed about who you are. After all, he may need to go away on business while you guys are married too.....

PhysicsGirl

Dear Mommy Dearest,

Examine your interactions with your daughter. She may have a defiant personality, but if she feels you don't like her very much it may be that your relationship is stuck in a negative feedback loop. As with any relationship, you can't "make" someone be a certain way. But you can control how YOU react to it. Obviously what you've been doing isn't working. Try something else. Every kid is different which is why raising children is hard. What works great for one might result in complete and utter failure for another.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Philanthropicky,

How do you let your friends you don't want anything to do with their causes? You tell them. Wasn't that easy? You don't need to rant about how awful their cause is, simply say that you have a limit supply of money for chartiable donations and you would prefer that money to go to organizations with a cause that *you* support.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Geek~ All of your answers are right on! I would like to add something to your response to the Worried Auntie: if Auntie has children of her own, they should be involved in the decision, or at least informed before the cousin is approached. If they're old enough to notice the bad mom's shortcomings, they've probvably had some sort of negative interaction with their cousin. They should be consulted in some form, because they will have to live with her too.

I believe in the Aunt's letter she mentions she has a daughter.

You are all dead wrong:

What gall to assume you can just swoop in and take someone's kids away. Most parent/child relationships are turbulent to some extent in the teen years. You don't just take someone's kids away because YOU don't agree with their lifestyle choices. If this beeyotch really wanted to help her sister, she would get her a$$ over to her house and babysit in the evening and try wield some positive influence in a less destructive way than breaking up a family.

I have a strong feeling this self righteous poser doesn't really want to help her sister----she wants to show her up so she can look like the hero/savior.

Jospry...zip your lip. You've been saying the same freaking thing in every thread. YOU are wrong. You are the kind of person that just turns away while children are abused and neglected because you think that the parent has the right to do whatever regardless of the consequence to the children.

Jospry:

You are all dead wrong:

You don't know that. You know what we know. Exactly what the LW has written. Certainly there are an infinite number of stories that one can make up where you're right, but then why bother to even tie it to a DP letter?

Jospry:

What gall to assume you can just swoop in and take someone's kids away.

Interesting how, "Assuming that you have already spoken to your sister, inviting your niece to live with you could help." equates to "swooping in and taking a kid".

Jospry:

Most parent/child relationships are turbulent to some extent in the teen years. You don't just take someone's kids away because YOU don't agree with their lifestyle choices.

I could care less about mom's lifestyle choices. If her daughter is failing school and has had a miscarriage, there is something going on there. If mom isn't around during the evenings, whether it is because she is working her butt off to provide money for her family, to drink, to play world of warcraft or because she's joined some religous cult doesn't matter at all. Her daughter may need someone to be there in the evenings when she gets home from school. If her, her daughter and the LW's family all agree, then I see nothing wrong.

Jospry:

If this beeyotch really wanted to help her sister, she would get her a$$ over to her house and babysit in the evening and try wield some positive influence in a less destructive way than breaking up a family.

The LW also has a family. If she spends every evening away from them, then her family will also suffer. Not to mention, that coming over and telling a teen you're "babysitting" them is a sure way to be person #1 on that teen's sh!t list.

Jospry:

I have a strong feeling this self righteous poser doesn't really want to help her sister----she wants to show her up so she can look like the hero/savior.

You have a feeling. Great. Except it's not based on anything the LW has written. It appears to be based on you. Well, unless you're the LW's sister, I doubt your feelings based on you are relevant. Nor do the fact that you have these feelings mean that I am dead wrong.

Did you bother to read the letter?

The child is drowning. A miscarriage, trouble with the police, threatening to drop out of school-- this girl is in serious trouble.

Her mother won't or can't handle it.

Changing the environment and have a constant and watchful adult presence could only help the girl.

It is not as if the aunt is kidnapping the girl her mother would have to cooperate .