Ummm--since when is asking someone to address the envelope writing the actual thank you card???

It seems like the shower hostess (not the bride) is the one lacking manners. If she is overly concerned about the bride's full plate, perhaps she should provide the envelopes at the shower, asking each guest to self address. She can then provide the postate herself.

The only time I have ever been asked to write my address on an envelope for a thank you card was for a baby shower where the young mother had just moved to this country and hardly spoke English. We were given the envelopes by the hostess and weren't asked to supply the postage. I think that if the bride-to-be is too busy to adress the envelopes, she is too busy to have a shower. The people attending the shower have to go to the expense and time of getting a present so if she doesn't have time for a response or the money for postage, then she shouldn't have a shower. i have to admit that our daughter and her new husband didn't write any thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. They were just too busy. I felt really embarrassed that she couldn't make the time. People gave them really nice gifts, including large gift certificates from groups. At least they could write a TY to the group. Our daughters-in-law and sons did make the time for TY notes.

PollyEsther:

i have to admit that our daughter and her new husband didn't write any thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. They were just too busy. I felt really embarrassed that she couldn't make the time.

Now see, this is what I have to ask, since I posted about this exact same "excuse" several days ago in regard to this letter, what exactly is "too busy?" Etiquette allows one full year to get those thank you cards out. You mean that they were so NON-STOP, on the go, running around from morning till bedtime busy for a full year after their wedding? They couldn't squeeze a few minutes a day to write a card here or there until they were all done? Who is REALLY that busy? I'll state again, at my busiest, which is several months a year of 14 hour days, I still manage to do all the "little things." So what were they doing that didn't allow them a moment for a full year? Did they have time to sit down to dinner? Visit with friends and family? Make phone calls? Pay bills? Sounds like they couldn't do ANY of that!

I'm glad you posted because this is a perfect opportunity to hear what you witnessed that is SO busy for SO long (I recognize you were embarrassed by them and this rant of my own is NOT about you! I'd just LOVE to hear what is REALLY "that busy" for so long, because whenever I hear that it's always a mystery to me!)

you said:

i have to admit that our daughter and her new husband didn't write any thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. They were just too busy. I felt really embarrassed that she couldn't make the time.

It seems to me that people expect women to do all of this stuff because traditionally women were the ones who cared about it. Do men get all up in a bunch about thank-you cards? (i'm sure some do, but i'm just saying in general, if men made the etiquette rules....). as a woman who doesn't care about any of this stuff, i feel "etiquette" rules are pretty silly. sure, they're fine as a guide to how to act in a society, but is any of this stuff worth getting upset about? no. are there more important things in our own personal lives (not to mention in the world) that we should be focusing on? i vote yes. the point is, if there's a breach in etiquette, shake your head a little and "tut, tut" if it makes you feel better and then get over it. life's too short and in the grand scheme, this kind of stuff is just unimportant.

I have to agree. Personally, I don't give a gift to get a thank-you. If I'm really curious whether the gift was received or enjoyed, I'll ask. My sister is the only one in the family who consistently writes thank you notes, and the joy I get out of it is getting something personal (something other than bills or magazines) in the mail. The fact that she's thanking me is really inconsequential.

In fact, the knowledge that the bride and/or groom is sending out thank-you notes to every single person who gave a gift makes the whole gesture of little value. If you're expressing gratitude because it's expected, not necessarily because it's heart-felt, what's the point?

Sorry, what? The knowledge that a couple is expressing gratitude for every gift they recieve somehow cheapens the expression?

When someone does something nice for me, I say, "Thank you." That's how I was raised. I've probably said, "Thanks" a dozen times already today. Does that devalue the significance of the expression the next time someone holds a door for me, or offers me a stick of gum? I think not.

Why shouldn't we each get a non-bill in the mail now and then, in order to hear that we matter to those we may choose to gift? It's called a thank-you note, not a thank-you novel. I don't understand why writing them is considered such a burden, if unwrapping the gifts is no trouble at all!