...In which Schuyler The Cat throws down the advice column gauntlet...
Deterred in the District - My gosh, that's a terrible fix! I would have to say that I feel terrible for you, given the dreadful circumstances, and the best you'll likely be able to do here is steel yourself: it is always best to simply remain quiet and not protest in the workplace, since you could lose your job! Making waves or complaining will only deepen your difficulties. I certainly hope this particular partner finds it in her heart to treat you more fairly. Gee whiz, I hope it passes soon. Best of luck to you, and I'll be sending you lots of "warm fuzzy" vibes!
Translation: buck up, sucker. You need me to fetch you a Kleenex, poopsie? If you can't take the heat, fight back (bad idea) or get a new freaking job (bad idea). See? You're screwed. Suck it up. Survive this, you might learn a few things about the vicious, brutal hell hole you've decided to dive into as a career. There's time. You can still be a grade school teacher.
Needs Help with Loans - Oh my goodness, how very brave of you! College loans are such a terrible burden, but have been a necessary evil for decades. It costs so much money to go to school, doesn't it? Egad!
Alas, your mother and father may not be able to help, and perhaps it's best you leave them to their troubles: you shouldn't burden them with you issues, you see. It's a sign of respect!
Translation: what a dork. Is it wrong to ask? How the freaking hell would anyone else but you know that? Chris - you want me to call them for you? And then - How do you ask? How about this, Rocket Scientist: "Mom and Dad, I need help paying my school loans. Can you help me?" There. Was that so goddamn hard? They may say yes. They may say no. Any more stupid assed questions?
Not Always Wrong - well well, it sounds like your special lady is a fistful, doesn't it? What a little spitfire! You should simply acquiesce, and simply allow her to have her way speak her mind - you certainly wouldn't want to create a disturbance in your relationship over a matter so trivial, now would you? Besides: she's probably right. Now run along!
Translation: Jesus H. Christ - are you ten goddamn years old? At least ONE thing is clear about you living there in Dysfunction Junction with little Sally SaysSo: SHE'S the one with balls, you freaking ninny. As soon as you're done kissing her ass, why don't you root around in her dresser drawers and see if she hid your testicles there. If you find them, put them on! What a wuss. Here's some Kleenex I have left over from LW1...
Newly Enhanced - Congratulations, Sweetie, on your new profile! Do they look the way you wanted? Was in uncomfortable? Holy moly - these surgeries can create some discomfort in one's life, I'll say. I recommend you gather yourself up for the chatter and let it slide, though: perhaps you could wear loose fitting clothing to keep prying eyes off your newly-installed assets!
Translation: so you went out and bought some tits, and you are...here it comes...upset people mention it? I don't care if you really are wearing loose sweatshirts and pretending nothing happened: a while ago, you had smaller tits. Now, you have bigger tits. Have I got that about right, Pamela Anderson? Look - people say weird shit, and I suspect when they look up and see some D cups where there used to be B's, their mouths will run. Subsequently, you better either a.) get used to it, or b.) remove the impants, because technically you're the one who brought it up.
P.S. - The fact you brought it up doesn't excuse the comments, by the way - people are rude sometimes. Having said that...people are rude sometimes, you goddamn nitwit. Didn't you know that? What did you THINK was going to happen?
