I was with Prudence during this video until she dropped the recidivistic bomb: "It's best you're apart, because you're not ready for the physical aspects of love."

Considering that many 15 year olds not only have sex, but care for families, have children and (occasionally) marry their high school sweetheart, how can she say this with a straight face?

Physiologically and possibly psychologically the girl MAY be ready for the physical parts of love and, since it wasn't central to her dilemma, why is Prudence passing this sort of judgment? At least the girl has known the boy for numerous years, has an otherwise healthy relationship (albeit a long distance one) and they are age appropriate *to each other.*

Prudence should concern herself with the issues she's brought, rather than harp on tangents.

"It's best you're apart, because you're not ready for the physical aspects of love."

Wow.

I'm with you--this line made me cringe. I know I sound like a women's-studies cliche here, but that statement is positively Victorian in its patronizing attitude toward the letter writer--young women must be locked up and "protected" from their evil sexuality!

The advice is better suited to a couple of 12-year-olds. This kind of attitude smacks of wishful thinking from a very religious or overprotective parent. Was Prudie never 15? How astoundingly out of touch with contemporary biological and sociological reality. Jamie Lynn Spears is not an isolated example. Isn't 16 the average US age of virginity loss? 15-year-olds are intensely hormonal and at least curious about sex.

It is also classist--the wealthier and more educated you are, the more sheltered you are from said physical aspects of love and the later you experience it. Lower-class girls (OK, some upper-class girls too, when they sneak out), are most assuredly dabbling in the physical aspects of love.

It's true that many 15-year-olds are not emotionally prepared for sex and the roiling emotions that *can* be involved, but they survive nonetheless, especially if they have supportive friends and families who are there to hug them amid heartbreak. (Not to mention good sex ed, which admittedly is sadly lacking in this country). Didn't Prudie read "Forever"? Teens can have sex and survive. Even 9th graders.

If high school is anything like it was in the early 1990s when I was in it, odds are this poor girl is being mocked for (a) having what amounts to an imaginary boyfriend and (b) being a virgin.

My advice to the LW: Enjoy this for what it is, a long-distance friendship. Get to know boys closer to you--get involved in extracurriculars at school. If you're being home-schooled, join a youth group, do volunteer work, do something. You can try to date this guy when you're older and more proximately located to one another. But chaining yourself to your laptop and saving yourself for someone who is essentially a fantasy could stymie your meeting other neat people in your age group.

What ever happened to moral standards?

These children need time to be children, but with todays media and the support of people like you they don't get it and we are seeing more and more of the results in our society today.

If high school is anything like it was in the early 1990s when I was in it, odds are this poor girl is being mocked for (b) being a virgin.

I'm not sure which type of high school you went to, but having went to a high school with over 4000 students in Southern California and no one was being mocked for being a virgin or not being a virgin. Quit taking your cues from American Pie and maybe you'd see that the reality is there are a good number of high schoolers who aren't sexually active. And their peers don't really care one way or the other.

Considering that many 15 year olds not only have sex, but care for families, have children and (occasionally) marry their high school sweetheart, how can she say this with a straight face?

Please. Maybe a hundred years ago. I wouldn't trust a 15 year old to watch a houseplant.

Your typical 15 year old (male or female) is completely stupid. Not through any fault of their own, all 15 year olds are idiots. They all exhibit poor judgement and it's okay. It doesn't matter if they're honor roll students or not.

How about we just let kids be kids for a little while? She'll have plenty of times to navigate sex and relationships for the rest of her life.

I am so very glad they did not attend high school where you did, and did not have yuou for a friend, advisor or teacher. What happened to morals, parenting, guiding and protecting teens from themselves and the dangers of a modern society that not only accepts but encourages active sexual behavior before the teen is mentally as well as physically ready?

We should be teaching teens about the responsibilities and issues of early sexuality, rather than just hoping sex education will protect them from diseases and single parenthood. With beliefs like this, no wonder we are looking at 40% of all births to unwed mothers and rampant absent fathers.

jade:

Considering that many 15 year olds not only have sex, but care for families, have children and (occasionally) marry their high school sweetheart, how can she say this with a straight face?

Many do it; few do it well, at least in our society. While there is a miniscule chance these kids are (both) emotionally prepared for it, it's very unlikely. Prudie's blanket statement doesn't fit all, but it fits most.

You know what? There's extremism on BOTH sides, and your post is a classic example. Take a good, long look at 15 year olds around you (if there are any; unlikely) and they are a FAR cry from being mature in ANY aspect of life. What needs to be done is for society, as reflected in posts such as yours, to stop trying to convince teens that they MUST be having sex in order to be considered normal. What do you think your post would say to a teen who was hoping to remain a virgin, but feeling insecure about that? It tells her, or him, "normal teens have sex; it's expected."

And I'd love to see any indication that kid sex is anything other than awkward fumbling at best. Kids don't even know how to manage their DIETS, and girls still worry (yes, at 15) about how to handle their periods, their bodies still aren't done maturing, yet you support them stripping and grinding each other. Oh yeah, that's great. And do NOT "like it or not, kids have sex" back at me. Reread my first paragraph about just why that may be. There's a lot to be said for telling teens is actually okay to grow comfortable within themselves before they play adult games with awkward, undeveloped bodies and minds.

I didn't see the video, but I had to comment...

bzl:

...What do you think your post would say to a teen who was hoping to remain a virgin, but feeling insecure about that? It tells her, or him, "normal teens have sex; it's expected."

Aptly put bzl... applause, applause applause...

We already know that there are kids having sex. What about the kids (and it doesn't matter the percentage) that don't feel they're ready? It's not quite as easy to stand your ground when you feel you're the minority, which in itself shows the first steps toward real maturity.

Here's something for ya... this website was created by 2 guys (20's)... I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a parody on their parts, or if they're a new breed unto themselves, but for all of those little girls who want to be just like Paris or Brittney:

http://www.missbimbo.com/

The girls (or boys) who think they are ready for sex at that age typically are not. There is a huge difference between actually ready (able to completely understand the potential repercussions and accept responsibility for their actions) and wanting to "do it" because their hormones are running amok and they feel like they know it all. Yes, there are teenagers who are incredibly mature for their age...but they are the exception to the rule. Society today is pushing young people to grow up faster and faster, that experimentation with sex is "normal" and "everyone is doing it". Yes, it does make those who choose not to have sex feel like outsiders amongst their peers. What we should be teaching our young people is that it is okay to wait, that virginity isn't something to be gotten rid of as quickly as that hideous sweater Aunt Beatrice bought them for Christmas.

(I haven't seen the video, either, so I am commenting more on the topic than the actual letter.)

It's especially rare to have two 15-year old who are both incredibly mature get together. One mature one is about 1/1000. 2 together would be between 1/10,000 and 1/1,000,000, allowing for some mature kids eliminating most of the especially immature ones from their dating pool.

Besides, it sounds like this kid is contemplating a relationship with someone she (he?) has never met. The odds are good this other "kid" is a middle aged pedophile.

IncogNeato:

Besides, it sounds like this kid is contemplating a relationship with someone she (he?) has never met. The odds are good this other "kid" is a middle aged pedophile.

Just on this one point, the video specified that she and the boy had met at a summer camp. So we need not worry about pedophilia in this particular instance, although it can be a worry in other online relationships with a teenager and another supposed teen.

Thank you. I did mention I hadn't watch the clip.

But I still contend it's highly unlikely BOTH are really ready for a deep, meaningful, physical relationship.

No argument there whatsoever, re: it being highly unlikely that both are really ready for a deep, meaningful, physical relationship. And yes, I recall you didn't see the clip, hence the clarification.

I'll just go back to lurking now :)

I have. I was fine with sex at 15. But I wouldn't advise other people to do it, because most people figure out ways to screw up their lives. ha!

Reminds me of that saying that laws and morals are only there for people who need them.