I've observed over the years that as tuition skyrockets, more and more parents are opting out of paying for their children's college education. It used to be that most middle class children could expect significant help from their parents with college costs. However, these days, many parents are just punting. I hear things like "they'll work harder and appreciate it more if they pay for it." Personally, I think that if you raise your children correctly, they'll understand the importance of a college education. Its ironic that a generation that went to college on their parents dime is refusing to do they same for their own kids. Baby boomers sure are a selfish bunch!

However, in defense of the parents, its also important to remember that federal financial aide has not kept up with tuition hikes. Today, Pell grants and other aide that doesn't have to be repaid are really not an option for a student. Instead, they and their parents have to resort to loans.

especially coming from a state where the first four years are free to residents.

And I don't know about the people you associated with, but I pretty much paid my own way in college, as did most of my friends, as did my parents and their parents. I was saddled with college loans, as were my friends when we graduated, and we paid them off, not our parents.

As for the selfish bunch, look at you and your friends expecting to come out of school debt free, after being given a free ride for the past four years.

Earth to Mike, the world is a rough place and you have to learn to pay for what you want. If you didn't want to go to college to get a better job, you should have become a garbage man.

JP

they should be going to technical schools that teach them a skill to make a living with. instead, the US sends millions through academic educations, even though only a tiny fraction end up being academics or academically trained professionals. it's absurd.

mike_in_nm:

I've observed over the years that as tuition skyrockets, more and more parents are opting out of paying for their children's college education.

That's a pretty odd observation - one that is probably not supported by the actual numbers. Isn't it more likely that with the skyrocketing costs of education, parents are less able to pay for tuition and therefore more students have to shoulder part of the burden? Sure, my grandparents paid for my dad to go to college, but when I went to the same college 30 years later, the annual tuition had jumped to at least 30% of his salary - and I had a sister right behind me, also headed to the ivy league. Before you call your elders selfish, you might want to take a look at the numbers to see what these people are being asked to give up so that their darling children can start their careers on solid footing.

I'm so glad I did things the way I did. First off, I took the less popular root of actually living at home while in college. I drove for two years to a local community college, got an associate's degree, and then spent the last two driving to a local state college. Both were extremely close to home so the commute didn't interfere with my "full college experience" *eye roll.* Best of all, was my parents wanted this for me. They thought it was ridiculous to go off somewhere and spend more than twice what was necessary to get the same education right at home. Free room and board was their contribution. Mine? I paid my entire tuition myself, no loans (again, cheap state schools), with what I earned working since 16 and through college (I was always a saver.) I graduated debt free, and have been on my own, working and saving ever since.

But I suppose I'm a failure at adulthood since I didn't "learn" how to be on my own in some cramped college dorm. Hmmm...yeah...35 and financially independent (and still cherishing my parents for their dedication to me.) Guess we did it all wrong!

I guess my point is, there are different ways to learn and grow. It just seems that the only "acceptable" root is to go far away to some expensive school, and NOT work while you're there. But people seem so resistant to looking at schools right in their own neighborhood. I can't sympathize with whining, debt-ridden college graduates and their parents if they didn't explore all their location and financial options to begin with. It's kind of like the foreclosure situation. People buying over their means. Well, the same can be said for education. People need to stop turning up their noses at local schools and parents need to stop acting like their kids HAVE to be out of the house by 18.

I started a college fund for my kid about 5 years ago, and I'm probably at least 5 years away from even having a kid! So by the time he or she hits college, I'll have saved for 28 years. ha!

This is tricky. I want my kid to dick around and talk about Kirkegarde, impressing the lady folk with a saucy beret perhaps. College is supposed to be that time when you can juust learn things for the sake of learning. That said, at the same time it's important to instill a sense of finanicial management.

You know, I might split the difference here. I might pay for tuition and have him or her pay for living expenses.

We plan to start a 529 as soon as the baby has it's own social security number. I figure with the way college costs are going up, whatever we save probably still won't be enough in 18 1/2 years. My husband's boss is making his kids take out loans with the udnerstanding that if they graduate on time and keep up their grades, he'll pay them off for them. If they screw up, the debt is theirs.

I don't buy the whole "paying for college makes your kids dependent, wasteful, and entitled." If you raise your kids to understand that things have costs and to appreciate and value what they have paying for college isn't going to ruin that. The time to teach you kids you're not made of money and that they can't just piss away their time and your money w/o consequences starts when they are little. Waiting until they are 17/18 and about to start college to teach these things is plain old stupid. Really, do you wait until they are moving out to teach them how to cook and clean? Wait until they are driving to teach them how to read a map? It's akin to letting a kid run wild in public when he's little because he's just a little kid and then expecting him to suddenly behave perfectly when told to at 12. It's self-defeating and idiotic.

Technically, I paid my way in college by maintaining about a 3.5 to keep my scholarship and my parents paid my room and board and helped with drafting supplies and books. My mom's parents paid her tutition and the government paid a big chunk of my dad's (veteran's benefits from his deceased father). I'll pay what I can for my kids. And I'll make them go away, in all probability, like my parents made me.

<i>It's akin to letting a kid run wild in public when he's little because he's just a little kid and then expecting him to suddenly behave perfectly when told to at 12.<i>

also a preferred parenting technique, as far as i can tell from the brunch restaurant in my neighborhood.

My parents paid for my college. All three years and three summers. That's right, I graduated from a prestigious college in three years and three summers.

The 'rents broke it down for me and made it perfectly plain. They were willing to pay for tuition, boarding, books and some spending money. I could get a part time job if I wanted for more spending money but I understood I had to quit if it interfered with my grades and good grades and exemplary behavior is what my parents expected.

Now let's talk about the "full college experience" because my dad would have then asked you, "Just what the hell does THAT mean,". And he would join in the eye roll I was not allowed to drink alcohol while under age. EVER! I was allowed to go to parties but I had a curfew and it 1:00 am on weekends. He told me he wasn't sending me to college to learn Beer Bong 101 and How To Be A Fraternity Whore In One Evening.

How did the 'rents police that? They didn't. But my dad promised me that all I had to do was screw up thismuch and I was through. All I had to do was get arrested on time for DUI or get in trouble by campus police for underage drinking or even be anywhere near a frat party that got broken up by police or start skipping classes due to being hung over, partying too much... you get the picture... the "full college experience".

Just once. Just one incident and he would yank my funding. Any college I wanted after that was on my dime. One single screw up and he would yank the purse. He was paying for me to get an education and not in the bed of some college frat boy named Skippy with beer bottles collecting under the bed.

I believed him. He and my mother spent my and my brother's lives underscoring to us that they meant what they said and they said what they meant. We'd been made into believers a long time ago and so I merely shrugged when my friends gave me c r a p for leaving a party at the magical witching hour and for sticking to diet coke. "My dad will have a cow," I said. "He'll pull me out of school."

"Oh no he won't, he'll never even know,"

But I was not about to take that chance. I graduated in 2002 with a major/ minor after three years and three summers and most of the people who labeled me "Good Ship Lollipop" didn't even make it to two.

It's not the kids. It's the parents. My parents were strict disciplinarians who loved me and my brother to death. We were their treasures but we were also their responsibility and they were not about to unleash lazy whining spoiled brats on society. Yes, he paid for my college but it came with a full set of Rules, Regulations, CC&R's whatever you want to call it and all I had to do to throw it all away was indulge in the "full college experience".

Kids today have no boundaries, no discipline, no consistent set of rules to live by. They've also gotten everything they've ever wanted so they don't know how to work for anything either and they grew up self entitled. Yes, I grew up with wealthy parents but we also worked for what we wanted and had to earn special privileges like a free ride at school. It was only free in one sense, I didn't have to pay money for it. But it came with a price and I had no problem paying it and neither should this whiny brat. She's lucky she has an education at all. Put it in the budget, put down the credit cards and DEAL with it.

as someone who recently graduated college, and had my parents help me out A LOT with my tuition, i have to agree that i think it is part of a parent's responsibility. it's very nearly impossible to make it as an adult without a college education these days, so college has become essentially just another 4 years of highschool (which no responsible parent would argue should be on the kid's dime alone). potential parents should really think ahead a bit (like the poster before me) and start saving even before having children, so that they can provide a decent future for their child. i'm not saying the kid should get off scott free, but NOT paying for college themselves in no way makes it any less important. if a kid is going to be a slacker, he's going to be a slacker no matter who's paying. i certainly didnt appreciate my education and opportunities any less because i had a helping hand to get me through some rough years. in fact, not having to work full time until i had the skills to do work relevant to my chosen field greatly benefitted me resume and portfolio-wise, moreso than if i had delivered pizza or worked retail those 4 years.

Say, 4.0, I'll pay for everything. 3.75, I'll pay for 75%, 3.5, I'll pay for 50%, 3.25, I'll pay for 25%, 3 or under, you foot the whole bill!

That might need to be fine-tuned a bit, because it could be horribly unmotivating too! But I like the idea.

Have a good weekend, Tillia.

Nah, that never works, it will turn out like the problem at my high school - if everything is based on grade point average, the kids just take the easiest classes they can so they can have an easy 4.0.

"federal financial aide has not kept up with tuition hikes"

Financial aid has a part in increasing tuition hikes. Much the same as creative mortgage financing increased home prices for the last half decade. I am a much less frugal consumer when I am paying on credit. I recently had to haggle with a car salesman, He tried to negotiate what the monthly payment would be, rather than the total purchase price.

Parents who try to push the debt off to the students are part of the tuition problem.

As for working your way through college. That may teach work ethic but you will make peanuts and would probably be better off graduating in four years and moving on to a real job.

I like the GPS based approach, when you're in collge, schoolwork is your job. Though pouring esspresso for a-holes a few hours per week would provide some balance.

GPA based. Sorry I work in GIS, slipped.

Wow. This is a hot topic. And no wonder with the price of college what it is now, and what it will be in the future. My daughter's 7 and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking about how we (me, my wife, my daughter, and others) are going to pay for college for her. My family's approach to paying for high education is pretty much "it takes a village." My wife and I are saving money for her. When she was born her grandparents, all sets, began putting away money for her too -- we asked them to do this instead of expensive Christmas and Birthday presents. And we will expect her to foot some of the cost too, but she will know this early on, like now.

I screwed up at college twice, dropping out of two different universities before completing a full semester at either one and losing tuition and fees both times. And just to set the record straight, neither drop out had anything to do with partying. It was shear panic! Having said that, the money was still lost. So, I went to community college. And here was the deal my parents made with me. I pay my tuition. For every A I got tuition and a half back, for every B I got full tuition back, for every C I got half my tuition, and anything lower, I had to eat. Well, I kicked ass, 4.0-ing most semester and made enough money, along with the income from part-time jobs, to transfer to a middle-size state school, which was fine with me. By that time my parents were willing to pay my way again, no strings attached. I graduated, came home and worked a summer, then went to Grad School, which my parents also helped with for the first year. I got an assistantship and pretty much paid my way after that. I graduated with zero debt. But I certainly could not have done that on my own.

I feel bad for this kid. College is way more expensive now than every before. Shit, I remember a writer coming to read at my school and was amazed by students' ability to put themselves through school. He didn't know how they did it. When he was in college, at the University of Michigan, he was able to pay for school and his nice apartment in downtown Ann Arbor by simply playing gigs on the weekends -- he was musician as well as a writer. Man, how sweet would that be. Anyhoo... It doesn't indicate if the letter writer went to an elite university or a standard state school. Doesn't really matter. Both are expensive.

Of course, one can expect your parents to help pay but like my old man likes to say: "Expect in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up first." I'd say go ahead and ask but don't get your hopes up. Sounds like the parents can barely afford their own bills. The fact that they are divorced makes matters worse, no doubt. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that they are Boomers.

In the end, this person is young, got a lot of earning years ahead of them. They should learn from the parents mistake. Pay off the loans as soon as possible, save, and don't fucking waste money on stupid shit you don't need or by trying to live up to some ridiculous lifestyle standard set for you by the fucking advertisement industry. Work hard and before you know it you'll be out of the red and able to enjoy the fruits of your labor.