My advisor has me chained to my desk analyzing a new data set so this will be short.

Dear Deterred in the District,

Welcome to the real world. Praising someone for doing their job is only something parents do and teachers are forced to do. You'd better deal because this is the way it's going to be for the rest of your life.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Needs Help With Loans,

Grow up. They're YOUR loans for YOUR education. Pay them back YOURSELF. Raman is only 25 cents a package!

PhysicsGirl

Dear Not Always Wrong,

It's a "My SO is pefect but..." letter! Boring. Either deal or dump her. She is what she is.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Newly Enhanced,

If you didn't want people commenting on your boobs, you shouldn't have gotten them expanded. People get dentures because they need to. People get boob jobs because they want people to notice their boobs.

PhysicsGirl

PhysicsGirl:

My advisor has me chained to my desk analyzing a new data set so this will be short.

Dear Deterred in the District,

Welcome to the real world. Praising someone for doing their job is only something parents do and teachers are forced to do. You'd better deal because this is the way it's going to be for the rest of your life.

PhysicsGirl

I think praise should be as common as possible, with the limitation of it remaining genuine. Just because people felt they could be rude to people who make less than them in the past doesn't make it right today.

PhysicsGirl:

Dear Needs Help With Loans,

Grow up. They're YOUR loans for YOUR education. Pay them back YOURSELF. Raman is only 25 cents a package!

PhysicsGirl

Agreed, parents paid a big enough price wiping your ass as a baby (and all that other sacrifice that made university possible in the first place). However, you can eat better than Ramen noodles for the same price, if your attentive.

PhysicsGirl:

Dear Not Always Wrong

It's a "My SO is pefect but..." letter! Boring. Either deal or dump her. She is what she is.

PhysicsGirl

LW should just smile, say "you're right, honey. You're always right." That'll catch her in an obligatory "I'm not always right!"

PhysicsGirl:

Dear Newly Enhanced,

If you didn't want people commenting on your boobs, you shouldn't have gotten them expanded. People get dentures because they need to. People get boob jobs because they want people to notice their boobs.

PhysicsGirl

QFT, with the exception of post-mastectomy breast reconstruction, and if that's the case, just take the damn compliment.

jade:

I think praise should be as common as possible, with the limitation of it remaining genuine. Just because people felt they could be rude to people who make less than them in the past doesn't make it right today.

An excellent point! I think you should repost this as a top post. Managing by stomping around demoralizes everyone in the workplace. Rude bosses are usually just rude people with technical talent - like the LW's boss. They expect everyone to serve them like medieval serfs.

There's an old-fashioned thing called motivation, and it's how the better bosses get exceptional performance from ordinary employees. More bosses ought to try it out.

I don't think you've thought it through. Yes, good employers use praise, poor ones rule by terror and grumbling. But if you've got one of the latter, all you can do is tough it out or leave. That "Something's got to change around here. You've got to start praising me whenever I don't make a mistake" speech isn't just a ticket to unemployment, it will be a memory the kid will cringe over several times a year, once he or she matures.

The kid needs to move on. A good firm would be watching its newer employees and either find a better employee-supervisor match or begin the termination process with a little finesse. It doesn't seem like the LW is in that kind of a situation, however. Even halfway-decent help is hard to find, and the firm probably has quite bit invested in this kid.

Almost all of us have chafed at working in a situation that doesn't suit us. I once had to tell a guy who was really impressed with himself that I was terminating the interview with his firm. He looked stunned; but I would bet he recovered.

Good Job! (It is always nice to get some praise.)

Your answers are short, sweet, and dead on.