His letter sends up signs of "clinical depression" to me. He's no longer getting pleasure from an activity that he used to enjoy (spending time with his daughter)? He feels like he's "drowning"?

Certainly, a man is not going to be subject to post-partum depression as such, but parenthood is such a hugely life-altering event that it seems entirely possible that these changes could have thrown his mental chemistry awry. If he checks out fine, then, sure, we can condemn him. But let's consider the possibility that his feelings might not be entirely within his control.

I don't know why I put "clinical depression" in quotes.

You may have a point...

On the other hand, don't most of Prudie LW's have some type of issue??? Most of them sound like they'd benefit from depression screening or a slap to engage the common-sense mechanism...

: o ]

He may or may not be depressed, but it's pretty normal to feel overwhelmed if you're working a full time job and have an active toddler. Also, a toddler is a very different animal than an infant, so it's not that unusual for a dad to have enjoyed the baby stage and not enjoy the tantrum stage. But even if he's not clinically depressed, cognitive therapy could help him learn to better balance his responsibilities with his wife. Also, depressed or no, this guy doesn't sound like a villain. Just a normal parent going through a rough patch.

Well, they wouldn't be writing Prudie if they hadn't exhausted their own ability to deal with the situation, would they?

justvisiting:

Well, they wouldn't be writing Prudie if they hadn't exhausted their own ability to deal with the situation, would they?

LOL!!!

Post pablum depression, maybe?

Clinical depression? I don't think so. Just a feeling of "drowning" in dolls, Dora the Explorer and other sickeningly "cute" and frilly things. It just sounds like the dulldroms to me.

What this man needs is a romantic interlude on the washing machine.

2 year olds are a PITA, husbands who don't want to spend time with their children are pains too. The mother has every right to expect the man who supplied half the genetic code for this child to be interacting with them. If he doesnt want to play with her well then take her and give her a bath, blow some bubbles for her, take her outside and let her draw on the sidewalk with chalk.

I have PPD but guess what I play with my kids anyway. No matter how depressed I am no matter how anxious. It really frustrates me when parents try to just detatch from their children when they are going through a difficult phase.

"Bad Dad" just isn't much of a man, which is the real problem. A solid slap upside the head would do far more than any antidepressants. I work full time at a firm job, am doing my MBA at night and still have time and energy to spend playing with my 2 year old little girl. It's the highlight of my day. Guess what, I even spend every Saturday with her so Mom can do book club, belly dancing and get some alone time in. I get mine going out with classmates for a couple of drinks.

Does it mean I'm up until 1 am many nights doing homework? Yes, but that's just part of the package. I'm just grateful for the opportunity to watch my little girl develop into a person before my eyes.

So Bad Dad, if you're reading this... grow a set and stop whining like a dickless twit. Enjoy your daughter before she's old enough to figure out that Daddy's just the first man who's going to break her heart and leave her in the lurch. Wimp.

If he was diagnosed with anemia, or mono, or some other illness which wiped out his energy and made him unable to put effort into things or enjoy himself, would you tell him that he's a dickless twit, or would you tell him to take medicine and get better?

But for depression, it's just him being "not much of a man"? This kind of macho dismissiveness is a typical response to depression in others, and is a great example of why so many people avoid being diagnosed.

Based on his letter, I have basically no doubt that he is depressed or suffering from some other illness (8 hours-a-day job and he feels like he's drowning? Come on, that's not normal!). So why begrudge him the help he needs to become a better dad? Because it's not toughing it out and being manly? If he's depressed, he CANNOT "grow a set and stop whining like a dickless twit." With treatment, a higher energy level might be as natural to him as it apparently is to you.

Btw, for all your bragging, there is no great merit in doing something that comes easily. Your thing is being a hyperactive, and hypernasty, self-important macho twit. It comes naturally to you, and you do it very well. If you managed to slow down and think about what other people might be going through, then *that* would be impressive.

Jacknut:

"Bad Dad" just isn't much of a man, which is the real problem. A solid slap upside the head would do far more than any antidepressants.

So Bad Dad, if you're reading this... grow a set and stop whining like a dickless twit. Enjoy your daughter before she's old enough to figure out that Daddy's just the first man who's going to break her heart and leave her in the lurch. Wimp.

Wow, count the prejudices in that little gem of a post.....

I was gonna tell the guy he was an idiot but the poster above did such a great job that I'll just say 'Ditto'.

Minmian:

If he was diagnosed with anemia, or mono, or some other illness which wiped out his energy and made him unable to put effort into things or enjoy himself, would you tell him that he's a dickless twit, or would you tell him to take medicine and get better?

But for depression, it's just him being "not much of a man"? This kind of macho dismissiveness is a typical response to depression in others, and is a great example of why so many people avoid being diagnosed.

Based on his letter, I have basically no doubt that he is depressed or suffering from some other illness (8 hours-a-day job and he feels like he's drowning? Come on, that's not normal!). So why begrudge him the help he needs to become a better dad? Because it's not toughing it out and being manly? If he's depressed, he CANNOT "grow a set and stop whining like a dickless twit." With treatment, a higher energy level might be as natural to him as it apparently is to you.

Btw, for all your bragging, there is no great merit in doing something that comes easily. Your thing is being a hyperactive, and hypernasty, self-important macho twit. It comes naturally to you, and you do it very well. If you managed to slow down and think about what other people might be going through, then *that* would be impressive.

Minmian,

Could you post this message on just about every thread on here that is made to crucify this poor, guy? Some people are not seeing that this guy wants and needs help and that is why he's writing in.

A couple I know is going through the same thing. Only they both work. Their son was "easy" their daughter (now 2) is difficult. She is very clingy with dad, so dad is really feeling it. The mom is very aware of all this and tries to mix it up a bit and spend more time with her. But all she wants is daddy. 24/7 she wants to interact with daddy and only daddy. I think they all need to go to family counseling and I have gently told them to do so.

Mothers with clinical depression who arent getting full nights of sleep are expected to just suck it up and deal with it so why not men? Give me a break. This constant excuse making for bullshit behavior is what is wrong with this world.

dizzyabbyandsarasmommy:

Mothers with clinical depression who arent getting full nights of sleep are expected to just suck it up and deal with it so why not men? Give me a break. This constant excuse making for bullshit behavior is what is wrong with this world.

Nonsense. There is a difference between sleep deprivation and clinical depression. Mothers and fathers with clinical depression should get medical help.