I write in haste because the car is coming to take me to the airport in less than an hour. I couldn't resist, though.
1. Oh, poor baby. However will you survive? The mean people of the world might make you cry....
SHADDAP!
"Ambitious" law student, my ass! If you really were ambitious, you'd be sucking it up and working your 20 hours a day until you were in a position to abuse law students yourself. There are a thousand other kids out there with your credentials who would kill for your job, idiot.
This, darling baby, is life in ANY profession. Until you have paid your dues, you are your boss's bitch. In fact, you are the bitch of anyone who is senior to you. Here's the kicker. Remember when I said ANY profession? Even if you quit the law, you still have to make a living, and in the real world, you don't get a gold star just for showing up.
There's no yoga room in most law offices. They don't hand out inspirational literature. There aren't any guidance counsellors to boost your self-esteem. You don't get report cards any more. All you get is either a raise or a pink slip - that's your affirmation. You want praise? Every day you aren't pounding the pavement or flipping burgers, that is praise.
My BIL had an arrogant moron like you working for him at one time. He got so frustrated that he pinned an application for Wal-Mart to his office wall. Every time the kid screwed up, whined or tried to pretend that "deadline" and "guideline" were the same thing, another line on that application was filled out. When he was finally fired, instead of a recommendation letter, he got the completed form.
Read "Kitchen Confidential". Then you'll see what it takes to make it in any profession...
2. Awww, poor darling! I bet the world owes you a living, too!
SHADDAP!
Your parents are poor. That is why you got the loans in the first place. Get it? THEY ARE POOR.
I don't know what school you went to, but you aren't like Buffy and Biff who were given sports cars and platinum cards when they started their education. If you had a brain in your pointed little head, you'd realize that you actually have it better than they do - you've already tasted the real world.
I know, you got your first real job and you think you're entitled to the new car, the new condo, the new spouse.....but guess what? It ain't going to happen, kid. Not for a few years. You have to EARN those things, and you start by paying for the education that got you the job in the first place.
Leave your parents alone if you can't thank them for pushing you to do better for your kids than they could do for you.
3. Aaawww. Poor darling! Naturally you have to marry that nasty bitch...she's wonderful!
SHADDAP!
Listen moron....do you really think that your fiancee is suddenly going to treat you like a human being AFTER the wedding? Yeah, right. If she's mean now, it's only going to get worse. How dim are you anyway? Don't you READ the advice columns you write to?
If you insist on marrying someone who verbally abuses you already, you deserve what you get. Stop wasting everyone's time and get your act together....in another state. Don't leave a note and don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.
4. Holy Crap! Look at those hooters! They (barely) got through the door ten minutes before you did!
SHADDAP!
No, you don't have a snappy comeback for that, and you don't deserve one. I won't give one to you, anyway.
You chose to make yourself the target of lewd jokes and nasty speculation. I don't know what drives women to want to be seen as a sum of their secondary sex characteristics instead of their brains, but that's just me.
Clearly, you'd rather be a set of tits than an actual person. You don't get to protest when that's voluntary on your part.
I remember, ages ago, seeing an interview with Iman. For those of you that are - ahem - too young to know, she's a former model, married to David Bowie. If you don't know who he is, then you're on your own.
She said that she knew her implants were a terrible mistake when she was walking down a runway and all she could hear was a someone in the audience saying, "Here they come."
