My husband and I decided while we were still engaged that we would never have children so that we may complete our post grad work and eventually have a nicer than average lifestyle. Nine years later I do not regret our decision... we've visited 8 countries and have each contributed greatly to our professions.

Women have more to offer the world than babies and I highly encourage every woman to consider what you want and dream of having in your life before you allow yourself (and your child) to be come a victim of your own poor decisions. I'm not talking about widdows or divorcee's... I am speaking only of unwed unplanned births to women who do not yet have a solid foundation themselves.

Single mothers seem to be a very proud bunch - but is bringing yet another fatherless child into the world really something to be proud of ?

Consider this: While you were changing dirty diapers I was having dinner at Jules Verne inside the Eiffel Tower. While you are home doing loads of laundry I am publishing articles in journals. While I am living for my own accomplishments you are hoping your child will accomplish what you havent in life.

is that what you want for yourself?

...and when you die, no one will remain to attest to your accomplishments or to continue bringing forth life and change with the ideals you spent your life figuring. Perhaps no one will care you're gone, but at least you got to travel!!

and that's a trade i'm willing to gladly make.

once i'm dead i seriously doubt i will care if anyone i've left behind spends a single breath on passing on my legacy. if i were concerned about that sort of thing i would write an autobiography... not have a child.

i want to enjoy the life i have worked hard to have and my personal idea of enjoyment does not include clipping coupons and driving the carpool to soccer practice.

my original point is this: think carefully about what you want from life and dont put yourself into a situation that will throw you off track from reaching your dreams. period.

Amen.

Think hard. Before letting something Hard. Get. In. Your. Way. !!

Amen. Having spent some time on these boards this morning, I would like to congratulate you for being one of the only women posting hear to have any ambition, education, and commen sense. Look around some of the other threads and see what your fellow women have to say. It's amazing really. Again, thank you.

Kari- You just don't stop do you. It doesn't matter how many kids you throw out, no one will remember you either. The only thing they will remember is that you raised a bunch of whiney kids just like yourself (with plenty of government assistance i'm sure).

I am all for a deliberated decision, period. I think that is the point. Stop the fairytale of "it just happened" and PLAN your life. Sure, the plans don't always work out; but this is too important a topic/situation to leave to chance. Seen it all, recently retired principal.Remember, the unexamined life....

nochildbychoice - I agree with your choice, but consider the implications. You should see the movie "Idiocracy." It explores the concept of unintelligent people enthusiastically outbreeding intelligent people, creating a future society filled with idiots. Of course it is a farce, but how far from the truth is it?

Have you seen the Maury Povich Show recently??? What makes you think that unintelligent people aren't ALREADY out-breeding the intelligent? Our society has already amassed quite a population of idiots, or hadn't you noticed? No offense Leonzo, truly, but for every thought-out, planned parenthood, there are tens-, maybe hundreds of thousand "it just happened" mothers out there. Far too many of them are disenaged, poorly educated and raising future citizens exactly like themselves. It's gruesome, but true.

(At least I think it was Heinlen)

He wrote a story over 40 years ago about that very scenario.

i agree and so do the statistics. i recently read that only 4% of college grads are or will go on to be single mothers.

So should one assume that to mean that 96% of unwed mothers do not have a college degree? Unlikely but probably not too far off the mark. So statistically speaking yes, the uneducated are out populating the educated.

we live in a time when girls put double the time and thought into what they will wear to prom than they will about which college they will attend or what sort of example they would like to be to others.

i cringe to think a girls biggest goal or dream in life is to lose her virginity on prom night to the 'love of her life' - who hasnt even made it to graduation yet.

Hey Cutie Pie...you continue to crack me up! Hahaha! You seem to have fun singling out my comments, giving them attention and validity in my mind! I am actually quite the opposite of what horse-shit you write about me! I am a doctor, MD. I do not have children as of yet. I do not use public assistance, quite the opposite really...I am public assistance. Good try though!!!!! I have the utmost concern for people's choices and how they affect others, I see alot of ways that people make mistakes with their health, families, and lives...I guess what I don't ever see is anyone who has all the right answers. Whatever your vices, "sins"---whatever---are, don't happen to be the topic of discussion today, but I have no doubt of your negative contributions to your family, society and life (in general) in some aspect. My point in posting on this forum is to express shock and dismay at some (many) of my fellow Americans' hate, bitterness and hipocritical judgement of their peersd. I don't think any way to live or procreate is absolutely right or wrong, nothing is ever 'absolute', but I do take issue with people being so close-minded and harsh to eachother...especially when no one knows what would actually fit all people and socity perfectly. There is no perfect, there isno one religion, there is no one culure or color of people...everyone has their own way. To discuss your way of thinking is great, but to judge others for not being the same as you is just...I guess it would be very Christian of you actually...everyone's going to hell if they dont believe what I believe...la-ti-da!!!! What a crock of B.S.! Take care now!

MD? apparently you skipped a few english courses on the way

Well, way to stay on topic! Did that make you feel good, that little dig? I hope so...So sad that you have missed the forest for the trees here! Oh well! There is nothing wrong with my English, my space bar and typing skills perhaps!!! But you're right, maybe I should skip the myocardial infarction seminar to sit through an english course, hope you never encounter me in a hospital if that's the case!!!!!!!! I'll nail the chart writing, too bad you may die though :-( Thanks for the critique! If being a bitter waste doesn't work out for you, take solace that you may have a real career in editing!

"Consider this: While you were changing dirty diapers I was having dinner at Jules Verne inside the Eiffel Tower. While you are home doing loads of laundry I am publishing articles in journals. While I am living for my own accomplishments you are hoping your child will accomplish what you havent in life."

That's gotta be the most superficial argument I've ever read on this subject. There are many reasons not to bring fatherless children in the world that are much, much better than the poor, arrogant argument you've presented here.

I am glad you didn't have kids though. You likely would have raised them to be as haughty as you are.