The single biggest thing that separates us from animals are LOGIC (if not good sense) and REASONING.

Now, employ both of those gifts for this example: If you were a single unwed female who was not in a financial or emotionally secure place in her life would you freely have unprotected sex with a man to whom you have no real committment?

Well, logic and good reasoning would say NO.

We are not animals just merely wandering thru life instinctually eating, sleeping, eliminating waste and giving birth without giving pause to analyze the situation.

I envision a mother opossum with her brood on her back waddling thru the bushes each time I see a single mother with several babies thrown into a shopping cart at the grocery store

Thank you so much for your levelheaded common sense. Read some of the rest of the threads and see what so many of the other women are saying, you will be apauled. Again, thank you.

I'm APPALLED by the hatred towards single mothers emerging on this board. The judgmental filth being spewed by marriedwithoutchildren is insulting and sad. I've chosen not to have children as well, but I understand that many women haven't had the same access to resources and education that I have, and aren't as in control of their lives. I typically enjoy reading slate's fray because the discussion is intelligent and civil. Please don't post here just to unload the anger and nastiness that you feel towards less privileged people than yourself. If you wouldn't say it out loud at a dinner party, I don't think it's appropriate here.

i have a valid point. maybe i should have sugar coated it but why? at this point there is no need to mince words. unplanned births have become a crisis - whether you want to admit it or not... the statistics speak for themselves.

it's not anger it is disgust at what this nation has come to tolerate.

if you are easily offended i would not advise reading these posts.

I envision a mother opossum with her brood on her back waddling thru the bushes each time I see a single mother with several babies thrown into a shopping cart at the grocery store

Just curious. How do you tell the single mothers from the married mothers? Many women in my area go to the grocery store without their husbands. Sometomes the husbands go to the grocery stores without their wives.

its like a scarlet letter - unmistakable

I think the hatred you feel is mostly interpreted more than really there. I understand the anger to be directed towards the "by choice" part not the "single mothers" part.

I take offense to those who consciously decide to be a single parent instead of a dual-parent family. Anyone can be subject to circumstances they did not expect, or simply make mistakes. It is only after one knows better that making the same mistake is offensive.

marriedwithoutchildren:

The single biggest thing that separates us from animals are LOGIC (if not good sense) and REASONING.

Now, employ both of those gifts for this example: If you were a single unwed female who was not in a financial or emotionally secure place in her life would you freely have unprotected sex with a man to whom you have no real committment?

Well, logic and good reasoning would say NO.

We are not animals just merely wandering thru life instinctually eating, sleeping, eliminating waste and giving birth without giving pause to analyze the situation.

I envision a mother opossum with her brood on her back waddling thru the bushes each time I see a single mother with several babies thrown into a shopping cart at the grocery store

Yea but whut if he be lookin all fine n shit?

shootemupsally:

I'm APPALLED by the hatred towards single mothers emerging on this board. The judgmental filth being spewed by marriedwithoutchildren is insulting and sad. I've chosen not to have children as well, but I understand that many women haven't had the same access to resources and education that I have, and aren't as in control of their lives. I typically enjoy reading slate's fray because the discussion is intelligent and civil. Please don't post here just to unload the anger and nastiness that you feel towards less privileged people than yourself. If you wouldn't say it out loud at a dinner party, I don't think it's appropriate here.

I think the reason you see so much resentment(not hatred) of some single mothers is because we are expected to pay for the rearing of these children with our tax dollars, because the poor poor single mom can't catch a break. When we are paying for them, we begin to wonder why they had to get in the situation to begin with. Turns out usually it's because they decided to spread their legs for some scumbag who looked good nekked but had no other redeeming qualities. So now we're paying to raise Mook-Mook's baby.

JEZ2007:

I envision a mother opossum with her brood on her back waddling thru the bushes each time I see a single mother with several babies thrown into a shopping cart at the grocery store

Just curious. How do you tell the single mothers from the married mothers? Many women in my area go to the grocery store without their husbands. Sometomes the husbands go to the grocery stores without their wives.

They are usually fat, and the kids are usually of a different race. The skinny ones with the same race kids are the ones whose husbands are at home waiting for them, or at work making a living.

shootemupsally:

I'm APPALLED by the hatred towards single mothers emerging on this board. The judgmental filth being spewed by marriedwithoutchildren is insulting and sad. I've chosen not to have children as well, but I understand that many women haven't had the same access to resources and education that I have, and aren't as in control of their lives.

... And why, exactly, are these women not "in control of their lives"? Are they subjected to some sort of indentured servitude, or perhaps a mind-control device?

I agree- it's incredibly stupid to have unprotected anonymous one-night stands. But I doubt that's how most single mothers come to be single and mothers.

Couples often get lazy with their birth control. This is a sad, stupid fact. I'm trying to reduce the number of 'often' by volunteering at Planned Parenthood. Ladies, take all your pills. Gentlemen, use condoms unless you have absolute faith in your girlfriend.

The big factor offsetting logic is the other cornerstone of human interaction: emotion. Accidentally pregnant unwed couples are often in love, don't want a 'shotgun wedding', and intend to continue their relationship, buoyed by the dollar-sign-repelling joy of pregnancy.... and then, once the cuddly newborn wants to be fed at 3AM and the hospital/carseat/diaper bills come in, the stress leads to a break up. What seems like a totally obvious blunder to an outsider is a bad ending to a hopeful beginning for the parents. There's a great book called 'Promises I Can Keep' on the subject of accidental families.

I plan to get married and have children, in that order. I'm not opposed to birth control in the nation's tap water. But it's pointless to write off single mothers as irresponsible sluts. It's better to remind people that with a little contraceptive planning, they can have all the crazy sex they want until they actually intend to have kids.

Many women are left by their partners, many women don't understand how to access birth control, etc. I recently worked with a woman who had grown up with a drug addict mother. When she got pregnant for the first time at fifteen she had no idea how it had happened (she was regularly being abused by boyfriends of the mother). If you think that this kind of situation is rare or unthinkable, you're wrong. I hate the idea of supporting, with my tax dollars, the children of irresponsible people, but I also realize that the world is a terrible and complicated place. I was arguing that the nastiness and hatred emerging on this board had nothing to do with encouraging marriage and more to do with resentment of single parents or, simply, children. Earlier, when this discussion opened (a few hundred posts back) we imagined ways that education and ending the stigmas attached to abortion and birth control could result in fewer unwanted pregnancies. Now all I'm reading is hateful, anti-woman nastiness. Saying that you imagine single women to be like a gross marsupial isn't 'discussion' or an attempt to engage others. It's shameful misuse of a DISCUSSION board. The same person posted multiple irrelevant subjects one after the other, for god's sake! It's not that I'm easily offended, trust me, I'm not, but I enjoy reading information and opinions that are relevant, even if I don't agree. Stating that single women with children look like rodents is not informative, isn't an opinion, and isn't fodder for meaningful discussion. It's ONLY offensive, and ENTIRELY meant to provoke me to anger without thought.

"you were a single unwed female who was not in a financial or emotionally secure place in her life would you freely have unprotected sex with a man to whom you have no real committment?"

Hey--caveman-dude--contracepti­on doesn't always work. I have a (married) friend whose first three children were conceived while she was on birth control--three different kinds. None of them just condoms. She finally made her husband get a vasectomy so he could touch her without her getting pregnant.

And you forget--it takes two to tango. Why are we always hating on the MOTHER part of this equation and not the person who got her pregnant in the first place? Simply because she's so much more visible? (And don't start with that "boys will be boys" cr**.)